


Here

by calicoJill



Category: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/F, FangRai, Past Lives, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-27 03:45:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 63,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6268276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calicoJill/pseuds/calicoJill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fang is admitted to the psychiatric hospital after finally being convinced that Lightning Farron was an imaginary friend she had made up, only to run into her again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Finally joined AO3 so I could bring this story to a little more people. :) Hope you enjoy it!

   


  


**Here -** Prologue

**153 AF**

"Come on, Fang." Fang's father held his tiny daughter's hand in his, as they walked along the beach. She had insisted on walking beside him and squirmed out of his arms earlier when he had tried to put her up on his shoulders, and now he was forced to drag the three year old along with him at a snail's pace. He didn't seem to mind too much, he was just happy to be spending time with his daughter, something he wished he had more time for as she was growing up so fast.

Fang continued to doddle, taking in the world around her. The sun was starting to set and the entire beach was cast in a golden light. Families were starting to pack up their stuff and head home for the rest of the day, and Fang wanted to watch. Curiosity kept Fang's feet from moving any faster, even at the promise of the ice cream her father attempted to bribe her with. Fang let herself be pulled along but made no effort to keep up.

Her eyes roamed along the beach at all the families picking up their towels and packing them into bags. Fang cocked her head to the side at seeing one family of four, they looked familiar somehow, but Fang couldn't quite place them. The sun had just started to set along the water and it sparkled with a brilliant light that made Fang squint. The light obscured the details of the family and Fang's feet stopped moving, a strange feeling coming over her. She wasn't sure why, but something told her to stop, that there was something special about this moment.

"Fang. Get the lead out." Fang's father said as he pulled at her hand, making her move again and her feet obliged, somewhat hesitantly. She continued to stare at the family of four. A mother and father, a small baby swaddled in her mothers arms and a girl about Fang's age. Fang squinted her eyes more, but the sun continued to obscure her vision. The only detail she could pick up on was a mop of bright pink hair, but something told her she knew the girl. That they were friends.

"Lightning..." Fang's voice was quiet. She wasn't sure what prompted her to say it, but the word left her mouth without a thought. Fang stopped again and stared, not even noticing the small trickle of blood that had started to drip from her nose.

"What's that, honey?" Fang's dad asked, looking down at his little girl who's feet stubbournly refused to move in the sand. Fang didn't reply, too busy staring at the girl and waiting for her to move out of the direction of the sun. Noticing the small bit of blood, her father dropped to one knee. "Oh... Fang, honey... Are you okay?" He pulled a tissue from his jacket, and started to wipe under her nose, but Fang looked past him and towards the girl, not really caring that her nose was bleeding, or even really noticing. As soon as he had cleared up the blood he cocked his head a little and studied her, making sure she was okay. He made a small face and reached down, placing his hands under her arms, and plucked her up onto his shoulders. "Come on, lets get you home to bed."

She didn't fight this time. Instead she watched the young girl across the beach as her father carried her off and eventually the girl faded into the distance. Fang would never know if she had dreamt it or not, but something had happened that day, and memories had surfaced that hadn't been there before. Memories of a girl Fang had never met.

* * *

**155 AF**

"This is Lightning. She's my friend. She enjoys swords and punching people. One time, she had this white dog she named Odin. We will always be together." Fang grinned in front of her class, showing off the sloppy painting she had made earlier in the week. She had been looking forward to her opportunity to do show-and-tell for weeks. Right from the start, Fang knew what she wanted to do her presentation on. The small girl had painstakingly painted a picture of one Lightning Farron to show her teacher and classmates, excited to share her best friend with those around her. She wanted them to love Lightning as much as she did.

Most other students brought in pets, or their favourite toys but Fang knew in her heart that she had them all beat. Nothing could go up against Lightning Farron and win. "Lightning is really good at hunting and using swords. She can even kill a behemoth by herself!" Fang exclaimed and glanced excitedly at her teacher, smiling widely and showing off her missing teeth, hoping to see her teacher just as in awe of Lightning as she was.

"No she can't!" a young boy crossed his arms and made a face. "Only grown ups can kill behemoths! My dad says so!"

"Well, Lightning can!" Fang's mood suddenly changed to anger at having to defend Lightning. "Lightning is faster than any animal!"

"No one is faster than the gorgonopsid!" The boy wasn't having any of Fang's tall tales.

"Lightning is! She's a police officer!" Fang yelled back, holding up her painting for emphasis. She didn't notice her teacher giving her a strange look from the large desk at the front of the room.

"Kids can't be police officers!"

"She's not always a kid! Sometimes she can play guitar in a band!" Fang was getting angry, her grip on her painting getting tighter, causing a small rip in the paper to form.

"I don't believe you!"

"Kevin..." Their teacher admonished him lightly, motioning for Fang to continue.

Fang sighed in annoyance before holding her picture up again, an angry pout on her lips. "Lightning is my bestest friend because she's cool and I like her hair. She has a little sister who can sometimes be a pain in the butt but Lightning loves her anyway. She joined the army to take care of her sister whe-"

"I thought you said she was a _police officer_!" Kevin interrupted, a smug look on his face. "I bet she's not even real!"

"She is _to_ real!" Fang balled her tiny firsts, anger wracking her tiny body.

"Well, I've never seen her."

"Well, she doesn't go here!"

"Then what school does she go to?" The boy asked, trying to corner Fang in her lies.

"I don't know." Fang said and crossed her arms across her chest, painting still in her hand. The more angry she got the more damaged the painting of the young pink haired girl became.

"See! Miss Marcy! Fang's making things up!"

"I am not!" Fang had enough and threw her painting on the floor before leaping at the boy and tackling him out of his desk. The two tumbled to the floor and started hitting each other. Kicking and screaming, the two pulled at each other's clothes and hair before Miss Marcy jumped in, separating the two by grabbing the backs of their shirts.

Fang's hair was sticking up in all directions and she made an angry face at Kevin.

"Hallway. Now." Miss Marcy let go of their shirts and pointed to the door. Fang knew the drill. When they would get in trouble, they were sent to the hallway where they would think about what they'd done before Miss Marcy would come and talk to them, but Fang didn't want to go. Putting on her best pout, Fang pleaded with her teacher.

"But I haven't finished my presentation!"

"You can finish it another time. I will not have fighting in my classroom. Out." Miss Marcy didn't budge at Fang's pout.

Fang clenched her tiny fists, angry at Miss Marcy for not letting her finish and at Kevin for trying to tell everyone that her Lightning wasn't real. She was real. Fang was sure of it. They had never met, but Fang knew in her heart that Lightning was real. She knew her too well for her not to be.

* * *

**156 AF**

"No!" Fang struggled against the policeman that picked her up. "I don't want to go!"

"Sorry sweetie... You have to..." The man said and placed her up against his broad shoulder, ignoring the ash that the small girl was leaving on his uniform. The flashing lights of the firetrucks and cruisers lit up the street and created an attraction for all the neighbours on the block. Families stood out on their porches and watched as one of their neighbour's houses went up in flames.

"But they're not here yet! Daddy said he would be right back! He _said_!"

The policeman placed a hand on the back of Fang's head to keep her close and keep her from looking at her burning house. Watching something like that would be too much for the young girl, and if he could protect her from it, than he would. "Come on, why don't we go for a little walk, huh?"

"I don't _want_ to go for a walk! I want my dad! I want my _mom!_ " Fang cried harder into his shoulder, desperate for her parents to pluck her up instead. Her dad said he would be right back, he needed to get her mother, and that he was coming right back. She hit the policeman's shoulder with her firsts and began to sob. "I want Lightning..."

"Who's Lightning?" The man sounded worried, "A pet?"

Fang didn't say anything.

"Now sweetie, is Lightning in the house?"

"No... She's my friend..." She sobbed harder, taking in ragged breaths. Even though no one had told her what had become of her parents, Fang knew. Her small body wracked with sobs and she pleaded hard. "I want Lightning. I want... Lightning..."

* * *

**162 AF**

"We're... _concerned_ about Fang." The principal of Fang's junior high school stated, folding his hands on the desk in front of himself.

Fang's matron pursed her lips slightly, glancing out of the office to where Fang sat. She had her sketchbook open on her lap and her tongue poking just out of her mouth as she concentrated on her task. The matron closed her eyes briefly, knowing just what Fang was likely drawing. "It's about her imaginary friend, isn't it?" She asked as she pulled her attention back to the older man.

The principal cleared his throat slightly and glanced at Fang too. "Most children grow out of imaginary friends by the time they're ten... Fang will be turning thirteen soon and, we're worried that she won't let go of this... fantasy."

The matron nodded her head. Fang had been going on about "Lightning Farron" since she first arrived at the orphanage. She secluded herself from the other children, and instead concerned herself with her drawings and little stories. The other caretakers at the orphanage had found it adorable at first. Fang was a creative child, but it soon became apparent that it was more than just a little fantasy to Fang. She took her imaginary friend very seriously. "We know... She's been going on about her imaginary friend since she came to us. I think she's latched onto her as a way to deal with her parents' death. We've tried getting her to befriend the other children, hoping that she would forget and start being a normal kid but she's so stubbourn. She will sit and draw for hours at a time, ignoring meals and any attempts by the kids to play. To be quite honest, we're at a loss for what to do."

The principal nodded his head in understanding, he had heard roughly the same story from Fang's teachers. "She's an incredibly bright child, very creative but her... interactions with others is becoming quite the concern. We want what's best for her..."

"If you have any suggestions, I'm all ears."

"We've brought in a child psychologist, from Eden, we were hoping that she would speak with her, but we need your permission." The principal was forward in his answer, but his voice was smooth, making it easy to believe his concern for Fang was real.

The matron glanced back towards Fang who was blissfully unaware of their conversation as she swung her legs underneath her and scribbled on her paper. She nodded softly. Fang had pushed away almost anyone who tried to get close to her, she had decided that she had better things to do, and would become difficult when forced to play with others. The matron was willing to try, for Fang's sake.

* * *

"Fang, this is Mrs. Santiago."

Fang didn't glance up from her sketchbook as she hummed a tune to herself.

"Fang." The matron tried again to get Fang's attention, but again the girl ignored her in favour of drawing Lightning's left eye.

The older woman sighed in annoyance before taking hold of the sketchbook and pulling it out of Fang's hands. "Hey! I wasn't finished!" Fang yelled, getting up from her chair and reaching out for the pad of paper. The matron held it out of Fang's reach as Fang tried desperately to get it back.

"Fang! This woman is here to talk to you-"

"I don't care! Give it back! Give it _back!_ " Fang was jumping and clawing at the air as the matron tried to hold her back with one hand and hold the pad with the other.

Mrs. Santiago watched in mild horror at the scene before deciding to step in. "Could I?" She motioned to the sketchbook.

The matron handed it over to Mrs. Santiago who then crouched down, allowing Fang to see she wasn't going to damage her book. Fang pushed away from the matron and glared at her before joining Mrs. Santiago. The psychologist studied the picture on the page of a woman with bright pink hair, holding a sword in her right hand. "This is really pretty, did you draw this?" She asked and Fang immediately calmed down. Watching, the matron crossed her arms and shook her head before leaving the two alone.

"Yeah... but it's only pretty because she is." Fang said, looking at the picture with Mrs. Santiago.

"Would it be alright if I looked through it?" The woman asked and Fang met her eyes for the first time and smiled. She had found someone to share Lightning with.

"Yeah."

Mrs. Santiago smiled warmly at Fang and sat on the carpeted floor with Fang beside her as they thumbed through each page in Fang's sketchbook. They paused on each page so that Mrs. Santiago could take in all the little details, and it wasn't long before she realized that every picture was of the same girl, sometimes accompanied by Fang. "You have quite the talent. You must have been drawing for a long time."

"I guess." Fang made a small face. It was never her intention to become a good artist. All she wanted was for people to see Lightning like she could.

"Who is this?" Mrs. Santiago asked and Fang's face lit up and she scooched closer to the woman, ready to explain all about Lightning Farron.

"She's my best friend. Her name is Lightning. She's the most amazing girl in the world and one day we're going to date." Fang's eyes never left the page as she studied one of her own pictures.

Mrs. Santiago smiled softly at Fang. "You're going to date, huh? What's she like? How do you know her?"

"Well..." Fang made a face and huffed audibly. "It's kind of hard to explain... I haven't met her yet this time, but she'll love me. She always does. She's really smart, and when she wants something, she always manages to keep going until she gets it. She's really pretty too. Here, I'll show you." Fang pulled the sketchbook onto her own lap and turned the pages until she found her favourite drawing. Lightning was dressed all in white, sitting in a window sill, smiling softly.

Mrs. Santiago smiled, "She is very pretty." It wasn't a lie. The drawing itself was well done for someone of twelve. Mrs. Santiago knew that she herself couldn't do better if she tried. "So, what do you mean when you say 'this time'?"

"Um... I don't really know. I think I met her before. I have all these memories of her... like..." Fang huffed quietly, trying to word it right. "We lived already before. Together."

"A past life?"

Fang perked up. "Yeah! Past lives! We always end up together. I think she's my soulmate, but everyone tells me soulmates aren't real." Fang made a face as she traced a finger softly on her picture.

"Well, no one really knows that for sure." She smiled at Fang, "Could you tell me what your memories of her are like?"

"Mmm, I don't know... there are a lot of them. She's been with me a long time. Sometimes she's my age, sometimes she's older. Sometimes we get married..."

Mrs. Santiago gave Fang a sympathetic smile. "Fang, are you sure they're real memories?"

Fang stopped smiling and rolled her eyes. "Yes. Vanille is in them too. I know they're real because I've already met _her_."

Mrs. Santiago raised her eyebrows slightly. "Who's Vanille?"

"My friend. We live together at the orphanage. She's kind of a crybaby but I like her. She's always been my friend in my past lives." Fang said matter-of-factly.

"She's in these memories too?"

"Yeah. That's how I know Lightning is out there somewhere too... Vanille doesn't believe me though. I tried to convince her that we had met already once, but she thinks I just read her file." Fang made a face, "But she'll see one day."

Mrs. Santiago's eyebrows came together slightly as she tried to figure out just what Fang was going through. It was normal for children to have imaginary friends, but ask any child and they would tell you they knew that their friend wasn't real. It was just make believe. Fang seemed to truly believe that Lightning was real.

"How did you try to convince her?"

"I told her about her parents. I told her what they were like. I have memories of them, but Vanille doesn't know them that well anyway. They died when she was pretty young... I try telling her other things sometimes, but I've known her most her life so I'm not really telling her anything new that she believes..."

"What do you mean?"

"Well... If I tell her she likes the smell of certain flowers she just says of course! and that she likes the smell of _all_ flowers... Or I can tell her that she would be a really good doctor but... she's young so.. it's more like I'm planting the idea there, rather than her already having it and me proving that I knew..." Fang looked somewhat frustrated when she thought on Vanille not believing her. "She's kind of a pain in the butt."

Mrs. Santiago laughed at the remark. "Friends often are..." Her expression changed to a slightly more serious one, "Fang, do you play with Lightning?"

Fang looked up from the drawing. "How can I? We haven't met yet..."

"...Do you know where she is?"

"No... I wish I did." Fang's face fell.

"Well," Mrs. Santiago took a small breath and placed a hand on Fang's shoulder. She needed Fang to focus on something other than Lightning in order for Fang to let go and move on with life. She was thankful that Vanille was an option. There was hope for Fang yet. "You know where Vanille is, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe you should spend more time with her. She's your friend too, right? It must be hard for her to see you spending so much time thinking about Lightning and not about her..."

Fang frowned. "Yeah... But... She doesn't understand..."

"I know... But you don't want to lose her do you?"

"No..."

"Can you do me a favour and spend more time with her? I'm sure she would like that."

Fang nodded slightly, agreeing to the request, but ultimately, Fang would not let go of Lightning.

* * *

**170 AF**

Fang took another swig from the vodka bottle as the girl she had taken back to her small apartment ground her ass against her crotch. She would need to be drunk if she wanted to imagine the girl was Lightning. She had Lightning's pink hair, but that was about it, her skin was a shade too dark, and her eyes were on odd brown that made her eyes look almost black. She wasn't what Fang really wanted, but she would do. She needed to drown out her loneliness and feel something, even if it wasn't real.

Fang pulled the girl's shirt up and over her head, tossing it to the side and leaving her in a brightly coloured bra before she placed her hands on the girl's hips and helped her grind her ass against her with a strong pull. She fell more into Fang's lap and the girl whipped her hair back over her shoulder at Fang, excited that things were getting underway. She grinned over her shoulder at Fang who had to bite her lip. Fang threaded one hand into the girl's hair and tugged lightly, causing the girl to tilt her head back but face away from her. The girl moaned at the sensation, liking the way Fang took control but not realizing the real reason Fang had tugged at her hair. Fang liked it best when they faced away from her, when she couldn't see their face. It made it that much easier to forget that they weren't Lightning.

The fingers on Fang's free hand went to work on the girl's pants, ready to pull them down and get on with things, when the sound of a key rattling the door sounded and Vanille came in through the front door. Vanille covered her eyes quickly and squeaked, causing the mystery girl to stop and look over her shoulder at the interruption.

"Fang!"

"Ugh..." Fang tilted her head back against the couch. "I thought you were working late tonight..."

"I was! Fang, it's nearly midnight!" Vanille rolled her eyes.

"Well... can't you stay out a little longer?" Fang asked and Vanille could pick up on the slight slur to her voice. Vanille glanced at the mystery girl who had pulled a throw pillow up in front of herself, trying to cover what skin was showing. Noting the long pink hair, Vanille sighed.

"Oh maker... Fang. This is the second time this week already!" Vanille motioned to the girl on Fang's lap who was clearly embarrassed by the situation as she bit her lip and looked between the two.

"You know what... Um, I think I'm going to go... Thanks for the drinks, Fang..." The girl got up and started to gather what little clothes Fang had managed to rid her of before their interruption.

"Hey, wha-? Hey! No, no, no, hey it's fine! Vanille was just leaving." Fang said, sitting up a little straighter.

Vanille crossed her arms and tilted her head in disapproval at Fang as the girl scurried past her and out the apartment door. Fang groaned in disappointment and flopped back down onto the couch.

"You need to stop this."

Fang groaned in response and put the vodka to her lips again, her plans for the night ruined by her friend and roommate.

"Fang, are you listening?" Vanille snatched the vodka from her hand and placed it on the side table. "This isn't healthy. That girl isn't Lightning, okay? Lightning doesn't exist. It was cute when you were little but it's _not_ anymore." Vanille was pleading with Fang but Fang ignored her like she always did when the topic of Lightning came up.

"Fang!"

There was still no response as Fang took another drink and Vanille felt her anger welling up inside of her small body. She grabbed the bottle harshly and clenched her teeth. "Alright... You're giving up one thing or the other. Right now. You give up Lightning or you give up drinking. Your choice."

Fang scrunched up her face at Vanille, still not taking her seriously. "Vanille... come on... What does it even matter to you?"

Vanille looked hurt. "Fang! You're my best friend and my only family! You mean the world to me and you're just letting yourself die! I don't know what I would do without you." Vanille's voice softened near the end. Fang didn't respond so Vanille balled her hands into fists and glanced to a cardboard box off to the side of the small room. Large amounts of papers stuck out from the top, years worth of records Fang had kept on her imaginary friend. Drawings, stories and journals, all piled together in a comprehensive collection.

Vanille sucked her teeth for a moment when Fang gave her no response and made a decision. She walked over to the box and held the bottle of vodka over it. "Alcohol or Lightning, Fang."

Fang shot up from her seat but didn't dare take a step forward, not wanting to risk an accident. "Vanille... don't. Please don't. I'm begging you... Don't do this."

Vanille was ready to cry. The only way she could get Fang's attention was by threatening to destroy the records of a girl who didn't exist. She held strong to the bottle, she needed Fang to take her seriously. "Make your choice." Her voice was small but clear.

"I'll stop. I promise. I'll stop, just don't do it..."

Vanille had almost been hoping that she would have chosen the alcohol over Lightning, but it was something. Maybe she couldn't get her to give up Lightning yet, but alcohol was still a victory, she was sure she would lose her best friend if she continued to drown herself in the stuff. "You swear?"

"I swear, Van. You can dump it in the sink right now. I don't care, just don't spill it there." Fang's eyes were pleading desperately with Vanille and Vanille felt herself soften, lowering the bottle away from the stack of papers.

"You need help, Fang."

* * *

**171 AF**

"Okay...okay... Come on, Fang..." Nerves were getting the best of her as Fang stood atop her apartment building, her feet planted firmly along the concrete ridge that lined the roof. "Just... Just do it." She shook her hands out, trying to dissipate the adrenaline flowing through her body, but it didn't help. She was still just as scared.

It had become too much for her. Everyday that passed and Lightning wasn't there, was another hit to Fang's heart. She had searched all the places she thought the girl would be. Every military base, every police academy, every dojo. Anywhere Lightning tended to gravitate to. Anywhere with rules and discipline, but she had come up empty. "Why let me remember her if can't find her?!" Fang yelled into the night. Her voice came down, "Is she... dead? Is this the only way you could think to let me love her, Etro? Through memories? It's not enough! I don't understand why... I don't... I can't do it anymore!" Fang's voice cracked at the words.

The sounds of cars passing down below was her only response and she bit back her tears and shook her head. "Why torture me like this!? Just help me find her!" She cursed quietly to herself feeling the cool night air breeze passed her body, causing her to lose her balance for a moment, but instinct kicked in and she found herself righted again. "If I do this... If I... If I _jump_ , will you let me be happy with her in the next life?"

Still no response and Fang let her tears run down her cheeks. She had already written her suicide notes and had placed them on the kitchen table. One detailing why she chose to end her life, and the other an apology to Vanille. Fang wished she had the strength to let go of Lightning, to live her life and be happy, but something wouldn't let her. She couldn't believe that Lightning wasn't real. She was in love with her. How could she be in love with someone who wasn't real? The idea that everyone was right all along crossed her mind but she shoved the doubt back. She couldn't or wouldn't believe that.

She pushed a hand into her hair, desperate for an answer from Etro that would never come. Instead she thought on Lightning... If she jumped, and Lightning was real, if she was _here,_ than she would be leaving her behind. She felt another blow to her heart and she was wracked with guilt and conflict. She was certain she would live again, and that she would love Lightning again, but here, in this life...

"Lightning..."

The door to the roof opened with a loud metallic creek and Fang glanced over her shoulder to see a distraught Vanille, clutching Fang's suicide notes in hand. "Don't you _dare!_ Don't you even _think_ about leaving me here, Fang!"

"Vanille..."

"Don't you... Don't you care about me, Fang? Is it all about _her_? You know I'm here! You _know_ I'm real! I will always be there for you!" Her voice cracked and she let her distraught tears flow freely. She had made it in time, and now she was desperate to hold onto her only family. "Why isn't it enough for you!?"

Fang felt a fresh wave of guilt wash over her body and looked down in shame. "I love you, Vanille... But.. I-"

"No! Don't! Fang, You're the most important person in the world to me! You can't do this!" She choked back a sob as she took a few cautious steps forward. "Please, Fang... I will get you help... Just please don't do this..."

Fang's body was thick with guilt. She sobbed and shook her head. She couldn't stand to see Vanille in so much pain, and knowing that she was the cause of it made it that much worse. How could she make her best friend hurt so badly? How could she ignore her? Treat her less than someone she had never even met? Her eyes were blurry with tears and she nodded her head, making her decision, as she stepped down from the ledge.

The moment her foot hit the solid roof, Vanille was on her, squeezing her tight to her body as she tried to keep her sobbing in check. She pulled Fang to her knees with her and cried hard against her shoulder. Letting out all of her anxiety and fear and anger in her gut twisting cries.

"I'm sorry, Vanille..." Fang let out through her own tears. "I'm sorry... I-" she held Vanille tightly, refusing to let go. "I... need help..."

* * *

**171AF**

"It's going to be alright, Fang..." Vanille's voice came out quite and not as reassuring as she had hoped it would. She took Fang's hand in her own and gave a tight squeeze as Fang signed the slip of paper placed in front of her with her free right hand. "They're going to take good care of you and I promise I will visit you every day." The younger girl had tears forming in her eyes as she watched Fang's downcast stare, but she wouldn't let them spill over onto her cheeks.

Fang sighed as she finally resigned herself to her fate. After 21 years she was finally ready to admit that something was wrong with her and agreed to commit herself to the New Bodhum Psychiatric Hospital. It wasn't her idea, but Vanille had insisted and she was done hurting Vanille.

"We have some of the best psychiatrists from Gran Pulse and Cocoon, here. She's in good hands." The woman at the desk said softly to Vanille with a genuine smile before filing Fang's papers away and calling over one of the techs to show Fang around. "Now, Miss. Read here will be showing you around and giving you a run down of how everything works and what's expected of you. You'll need to leave your bag here to be searched and we will bring it to your room later, okay? Here, take these." She handed Fang a folded stack of patient scrubs and Fang held out her hands joylessly

Fang didn't say anything. She knew she needed to be there, but she also wasn't ready to let go of Lightning. That being said, she wasn't sure she would ever be ready. The woman had plagued her mind since the time Fang could form a thought. She grew up with her, time and time again in her own head. She could swear, and had for most her life, that she was a real person. That she was out there, and they just hadn't met in this lifetime yet. Everyone else told her she wasn't real and that she was just an imaginary friend. She was almost starting to believe it herself.

"I'll be back tomorrow, okay?" Vanille said, the smallest crack in her voice as she eyed her best friend. Fang didn't say anything but nodded softly before following Miss. Read down one of the corridors.


	2. Chapter 2

The tiled walls echoed loudly with each step Fang took. She couldn't help but despise the sound, it was clinical and harsh to the ear. Sounds carried down the halls with a surprising sharpness. She could make out the sounds of someone sobbing from behind one of the large metal doors they passed, and the sound of someone throwing a fit somewhere deeper into the hospital. She had barely been there five minutes and already she wanted to leave.

"This wing is where you will be staying, you'll have free roam of the hospital, unless otherwise marked. Please keep your room tidy, it cuts down on inspection times and keeps us out of your hair." Miss. Read explained motioning to the rows of metal doors that lined the hall.

Fang very quickly saw the imposing doors as jail cells. They were heavy, and made a loud creaking and slamming sound every time one opened. She noted a small clear window at eye level and made a face. "What's with the peep-show windows?"

"For safety reasons. Some patients need to be under strict watch. It allows us to check up on patients without interrupting them."

"Oh..." Fang mumbled to herself. "So... privacy is...?"

"Unfortunately, limited. However, some patients are granted more than others."

"How much will I get?"

"Well, that depends on your assessment and behaviour." Miss. Read motioned to a door marked with the number thirteen and lead Fang inside.

The room itself was very small, room enough for one small cot and a metal cabinet that was bolted to the light green tiled walls. A small window, across from the door was lined internally with a wire mesh, and Fang made a face when she realised her view was not much more than another brick wall, a few metres back. The room was otherwise barren.

"That's somehow more depressing than I thought it would be..." Fang sighed and sat on the bed, tossing her patient scrubs on the foot of the bed. She took a moment to take in her room and leaned back on her hands. She made another face when her hand came into contact with her pillow. It felt odd to the touch, rougher than she had expected. She turned to it and ran her hand along it before pulling up the pillow case and peeking inside. "Is my pillow made of _plastic_?"

Miss. Read grimaced slightly at the question, "It's a blend of cotton and polymer. It's to prevent suffocation."

Fang stared at her a moment in slight disbelief before running a hand through her hair. "Oh Etro, I think this was a mistake..."

Miss. Read gave a small sympathetic smile before sitting on the bed next to Fang. "I know it's not much to look at, Fang. Your room is meant more to store your things, and sleeping. You're here to get better and sometimes... precautions need to be taken."

"Can I at least lock the door?"

Miss. Read pursed her lips slightly at the question and Fang groaned.

"It's for sa-"

"-Safety... I get it.." Fang cut her off with a sigh and a nod, "You can't have patients locking you out if they need help."

"Exactly. The dorm rooms are almost never locked. They can be locked in rare occasions if we deem it necessary."

"What kind of occasions?"

"Well, if someone is having a violent psychotic episode, they can be locked in their room if medication isn't working or if a patient is required by law to be assessed we can hold them for 72 hours. Not everyone wants to stay. Sometimes we have to make them." Miss. Read explained. "We very rarely resort to that. We want you to feel free here. I know it looks like a prison cell, but it's not. This is a hospital. We're not your guards, we're here to help you."

Fang nodded and took another look around her room. Even with Miss. Read's reassurance, she couldn't see the room as anything but a cage. "Where's the bathroom?"

"Down the hall on the left." 

Fang made a small grimace. She had a feeling community bathrooms would be a thing. She just hoped she would have the luxury of taking a shower without anyone watching her. "So... What are the rules? What can I get away with?"

Miss. Read smiled and stood up again. "Well, breakfast starts at seven, if you're not up before then, you can miss it, but we do keep small snacks on hand in the cafeteria, just in case. Lunch is at noon, and dinner at six. Please try to be on time. No touching other patients. No sharp objects-"

Fang perked up slightly, "-What about a pencil?"

"We can provide you with crayons, but if you would like to join an art group, you can have access to a pencil there. It has to stay in the room though."

"Seriously?"

Miss. Read nodded, "Afraid so. Even if you don't believe yourself to be a risk, other patients are." Fang sighed in response and Miss. Read continued. "Depending on how you're assessed, you may be watched more closely, however we wont interfere with you unless we need to, but understand that someone will be checking on you from time to time, making notes in your file, so be on good behaviour. We have something of a points system here. The more you cooperate, eat your meals, join in group sessions, ect, the more points you earn."

"What do these points get me?" Fang quirked a brow.

"Special liberties. Sometimes snacks, an hour outside, more privacy. It's more or less a scale. The better your score the more freedoms you'll have and the worse, the more strict we will have to be."

"Right," Fang mumbled to herself and then promptly cringed, reminded of why she was there. She had picked up the habit of responding with the simple word from her memories or Lightning. She felt her chest tighten, wondering if she was betraying Lightning just by being there. She felt a small ache in her chest and pushed it aside. She couldn't dwell on it. She knew the only thing it would accomplish would be to put her in more pain, so she pushed it to the back of her mind.

"I'll let you get changed and then I will show you to the common room, and the cafeteria." Miss. Read smiled warmly before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind her, seeming not to notice Fang's conflict.

At the metal sound of the door closing, Fang let out a long sigh. Glancing around the room again, she dreaded thinking about how long she might have to stay there. She felt her heart rate pick up and reminded herself that she was there voluntarily. She was there because Vanille needed her to be. She was there because she _needed_ to be there. So she swallowed hard and stood up, stripping off her clothes, storing them in the metal cabinet and putting on her light, soft-green, patient scrubs. She took a moment to assess the clothes and was surprised to find them quite comfortable but the idea of wearing them gave her a feeling of shame she hadn't expected. She wasn't sure if it was because it made her situation real, or if it was because it separated her from the normal people but suddenly it was very clear that she was a patient in a mental hospital.

She ran a hand through her hair again, wondering how long it would take to adjust to the feeling. She always knew something was wrong with her, but she never saw herself ending up in a place like this. She remembered her alternate lives, but that didn't make her crazy. For a brief moment she thought about changing her mind, picking up her things and simply leaving. Maybe Vanille hadn't left yet and they could just go home and forget this whole thing had never happened.

"Vanille..." Fang shook her head, reminded again of the pain she put the poor girl through earlier in the week. Maybe she didn't consider herself crazy, but she was certainly in pain and her pain was hurting her only family so she got up and walked out the door.

"Ready to continue?" Miss. Read asked softly and Fang simply nodded her head. "Okay, follow me."

They walked down to the end of the hall and out into a large room. In the centre there were chairs and tables set up, a few people were sitting around, talking amongst themselves. Others sat quietly by themselves, looking despondent. The room was both quite and loud at the same time. Fang could hear everything anyone said clearly and a pin drop, but the sounds carried. The sound seemed to carry everywhere in the hospital. No where was particularly quiet. Everything had an echo to it Fang didn't care for.

"This is the cafeteria, along here is where you will grab your tray and you will line up for your food. There will always be a tech in this room if you need help. They will make sure you have everything you need so don't be afraid to ask them for anything. They're here to help you." Miss. Read continued to walk as she pointed out things in the room. "There is the nursing station, that's where you will go for any meds you've been prescribed, and you will take them there. If we find any medication in your room, you will lose points. Understood?"

"I don't need medication."

"Well, you'll have to discuss that with your doctor once we get you in for an assessment, okay?"

"Right." She winced again when the word left her mouth.

"Through these doors is the common room where you can relax, watch some TV and read. It's where most of the patients tend to spend the day and just down this-"

"Morning, Read." A large graying man with bushy white eyebrows nodded his head in their direction, effectively cutting her off. Miss. Read stopped her tour and immediately smiled widely at the man.

"This is your last day here, isn't it?"

Fang was almost taken aback by how casual Miss. Read had sounded. During their tour, she had sounded so professional that Fang nearly forget that she was just another person.

"Sure is... and I never hope to come back!" The old man laughed heartily and clapped her on the shoulder before nodding to Fang and continuing on his way.

Fang knitted her eyebrows watching him leave, and noticed he was wearing slacks and a sweater vest, "How come he gets to wear normal clothes?"

Miss. Read laughed lightly at the question, "That's doctor Grayson, he's retiring today. He's been here longer than I can remember."

"Oh." Fang glanced around at the surprisingly clean room. The far end had a large glass window, bringing in bright natural light and a few people sat in chairs by the window, looking outside to pass the time. The room was full of an eclectic variety of people. She noticed one of the girls by the window sat rocking nervously on her chair as she stared off into the distance. Fang then noticed the soft leather straps she had tied to her wrists that held her to the chair. She knitted her eyebrows together in slight confusion before really taking in the people around her.

A frail girl sat at one of the tables, a full plate of food in front of her and a tech nearby, coaxing her into eating something. The girl would shake her head every time the tech would say anything to her, refusing to eat, and it showed. Her frame was small, so small that Fang was sure a strong gust of wing would take her off her feet.

Another patient stood from his seat upon seeing Fang and made a beeline towards her, mumbling something on his way. He twitched a little as he stood in front of her and assessed her. His dark hair was slicked back but clearly fraying. Fang would have guessed he was in his late forties but looking closer he seemed younger. Time hadn't been good to the man. His cheeks were sunken and the bags under his eyes were deep.

"George, how are you feeling today?" Miss. Read asked as though the way he was acting was completely normal.

"They got to you. They..." He shook his head and eyed Fang suspiciously. "You're working for them now, huh? You got some nerve showing yourself here. You _know_ what I can do!" The man shook with each sentence and Fang stood confused trying to figure out what he was talking about. As far as she knew, she had never seen the man before in her life. He was clearly in his own world.

"George, it's okay. She doesn't work for them. She's here-"

"Yes, she does! I _know_ she does! You think I don't recognize that face? She's the one who kidnapped my wife!"

"George..." Miss. Read placed a hand on his shoulder, calmly. "You're having an episode. You didn't cheek your pills again, did you?"

"I don't need no pills! I need _her_ to give me my wife back!" George pointed a finger in Fang's face and Fang gave him a look. She'd never met a person so clearly unhinged before.

"George, it's okay. She didn't take your wife. She's another patient."

"I'm... I'm not though. I... know she does. I..." Fang knitted her eyebrows, trying to understand him, but quickly realized that there was no cohesive thoughts to follow. His sentences were fragmented and disjointed. She wondered if he even understood what he was saying. He mumbled and shook his head, a new found confidence in what he was sure he knew."No. She does. Don't lie to me."

Miss. Read pursed her lips slightly and turned her attention to Fang. "Fang, if you'll just wait through those doors, I'll come and get you for your assessment in a little bit. I'm going to tend to George, here."

Fang, not really knowing what was going on was more than happy to let the tech do her job. "Is... is he okay?"

"He'll be fine. Go on."

Fang nodded again and made her way across the room, about to cross over into the common room, when a smaller girl ran up next to her. "It's schizophrenia."

"Sorry?" Fang stopped, turning her attention to the girl. She looked more comfortable than anyone else in the room, like she understood everything that was going on. Fang guessed she had been there for some time, or at the very least, had been there once or twice before.

"He's never even _been_ married." Fang glanced back to the man that Miss. Read was trying to talk down. He was still shaking and arguing with her while pointing wildly at Fang. "He's delusional. Thinks the government stole his wife, but he's never had a wife. Don't worry. He's not violent though, he just talks big."

Fang glanced down at her and gave her a look before noticing the white gauze wrapped around the girl's wrists. She could easily guess what was underneath. The more she took in the people around her, the more out of place she felt. They all clearly needed to be there and Fang couldn't see herself in them, or more accurately, refused to see herself in them. She didn't think her problems warranted hospitalization like their's did. Despite knowing why she was there, it didn't feel real. "I don't think I'm supposed to be here..."

"Mm, well! You must be here for some reason! We're _all_ here for some reason!"

Fang simply glanced at her, refusing to be one of them. She shook her head and walked through the door and into the common room without another word. She didn't need to be there. She was just here to get some things under control so she could go back to her life and not hurt anymore. She wasn't broken like they were. She just had a few screws loose that needed tightening.

* * *

"No, I didn't make her up!" Fang said in exhaustion "It's like... past lives. Alternate realities. Each time I'm brought into the world, she is too."

"Past lives? So, you've lived here before?" Dr. Gaider arched an eyebrow and leaned back in his leather chair.

"No... Not _here_." Fang paused, it all made such perfect sense in her head, but it was hard to accurately explain to someone on the outside. She watched as nurses, techs and other patients passed by the large glass window in Dr. Gaider's office, as she tried to word her thoughts accurately. "Here... but not _here_. It's always Gran Pulse and Cocoon, but... things unfold... differently."

Dr. Gaider cleared his throat and sat up in his chair before stroking at his chin slightly. "Okay." The old man said as he shifted in his seat, trying to get comfortable. "So this, Light? She's been with you since you were very young?"

Fang nodded her head. "As vividly as you and I sitting here." Fang said then shook her head a little, "but not... _here_." she said again. "Like... memories of her."

"So she's not... here?" Dr. Gaider asked as he fiddled slightly with his pen, before jotting something down.

Fang felt herself roll her eyes and tried to calm herself as she watched people mill by, outside of the window. "No, she's never been here physically. I just _know_ things. They're memories."

Dr. Gaider nodded his head,"Mmm. So... These memories. How do they present themselves? Is it auditory? Do you ever see things?"

"No. They're like... any other memory. I remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday. It's like that."

He nodded in understanding. "You say... Every time you're brought into the world, she is too? Do you believe she's here somewhere, physically?"

Fang took a moment to think before nodding her head, "Yeah... I think so."

"Are you on any drugs? Prescription or otherwise?"

Fang groaned at the question. At the groan, the doctor jotted some more notes down. Fang made an annoyed face and leaned forward. "What are you writing in there?"

"It's a clinical assessment of your mental status. It's meant to give us a starting point." He stated before asking again, "Any drugs?"

Fang sighed leaning back again, giving a firm "No." She needed him to know that Lightning wasn't just some drug induced hallucination.

"Nothing?" He looked up from his notes to read her face and Fang gave him a look that caused him to raise an eyebrow.

"Nothing." She stated again, clearly frustrated with his asking. What she didn't realize was that the second prompting wasn't just for an accurate answer, but also to see how she reacted to being asked twice. He once again jotted something down.

"Now, it says here, you committed yourself after you nearly jumped off of your apartment roof?"

Fang looked down slightly ashamed and pursed her lips. "I don't... want to die if that's what you're asking."

"Then why were you on that roof?" Dr. Gaider asked, placing down his clip board to pay closer attention to her.

"I just... I don't know... wanted to start my next life."

Dr. Gaider nodded his head. "What were you feeling while you were up there?"

Fang looked at him and made a face as if the answer would be clear. "Hurt? Hopelessness? Anger? Take your pick."

"And how do you feel right now?"

"Right now? Annoyed." Fang said. She never had much patience and she clearly didn't want to talk about that particular night.

"Have you attempted anything like that before?"

"No." Fang clipped.

"Any other destructive behaviours?"

Fang shrugged in response and looked away. She didn't want to have this conversation with him. She was afraid that she would end up having someone checking on her every ten minutes if they thought she was going to off herself.

"It's okay, we can come back to this." Dr. Gaider smiled warmly before changing the subject. "What is it you think is happening, that causes these memories?"

Fang stayed silent, glad that they were moving on but not really sure how to answer it. She thought she knew, but saying it out loud made her sound crazy. As frustrated as she was with the process, she still wanted him to believe her.

"Fang?"

"I think... It's Etro. She..." Fang cringed as the words came out. "She likes to... fuck with me sometimes."

Dr. Gaider raised his eyebrows and nodded. "You believe in the Goddess Etro?"

Fang glanced up at him, already feeling it was a mistake to say anything at all. She nodded. "I'm sure she's real, she's interfered in my other lives before... Not always, but sometimes."

"Okay..." He held no judgement in his voice, "Does she talk to you ever?"

"No."

"Okay. Why do you think she would cause this?"

"I don't know... I don't think she likes me much."

"Why's that?"

Fang cringed again at what she was about to say, "I've... done bad things in my other lives. She sees me as a sinner. Maybe it's my punishment..." When Dr. Gaider said nothing, she continued. "I don't know... She... " Fang sighed, "I don't know."

"Are you deeply religious, Fang?"

"No..." Fang shook her head slowly. "I wouldn't say that... I believe Etro is real... but, I don't live by her teachings. I don't praise her or look to seek validation from her. I just, know she exists."

Dr. Gaider sighed slightly before tapping his pen slightly, staring at his notes. He stayed silent for a long time before glancing up at Fang, "Do you know what schizophrenia is?"

Fang looked putt off. "I don't have schizophrenia."

"Honestly, Fang. I think it's very likely that you _do_." His voice remained calm as he watched her.

Fang shook her head adamantly, thinking back to the man, George, she had met briefly in the cafeteria. The idea that people looked at her, the same way she looked at him was unnerving. That people would listen to her stories, all the while thinking she was just some crazy nut who didn't know the real world from one she created. She wasn't crazy. She knew what she knew. It was real, and she needed him to know it. "No. It's not schizophrenia. Lightning _is_ real. I _know_ she is."

"Schizophrenia is often characterized by a failure to recognize what is real. It's often accompanied by false beliefs, hallucinations, paranoia... It's nothing to be ashame-"

"She's _not_ a hallucination." Fang said through gritted teeth as she sat up straighter in her chair.

"Calm down, Fang." Dr. Gaider gestured for her to relax again. "I'm going to prescribe you some antipsychotics, Okay? They'll help you see things clearer. The delusions will start to taper off, an-"

"-She's _not_ a delusion." Fang pursed her lips and glared at him. She could feel her muscles shaking at the idea. She shook her head, adamant that she knew the truth. She wasn't like George. "You _can't_ just take Lightning away."

Dr. Gaider regarded her with a sympathetic frown. "Then what are you so afraid of?"

Fang felt her heart rate pick up. The simple question scared her more than she was willing to admit. If he was right than Lightning would be gone... Her entire life would have been a lie. Her love for Lightning, all a delusion. She didn't know what she would do without her. She had been with her since before she could remember. How could something so permanent not be real?

Fang sat silently in front of Dr. Gaider, her eyebrows knitted together as she shook her head weakly.

Dr. Gaider sighed in sympathy, trying to understand just what she was thinking. "The mind is a powerful thing, Fang. Everything we experience comes from our brain. Every _word_ you hear, every _thing_ you see... the entire _world_ and the way you perceive it, is formed in your brain. When the brain isn't working properly, it can create it's own experiences, independently from outside stimuli. It is... so easy for the mind to believe these experiences are real. It tricks itself into believing what it's experiencing is coming from somewhere else..."

Fang felt her body shaking and Dr. Gaider's voice became distorted as her mind panicked. Had everything been a lie? It couldn't be... Vanille was there. She was her proof. Unless... She shook her head at the idea but it persisted. Unless... her mind only told her Vanille was a part of these lives, incorporating her into her delusions... Fang's mouth was dry, her hands cold. What if Lightning had never existed? What if she was in love with someone her mind created? How would she let go? If she took the antipsychotics, would she forget about her? She felt her heart ache at the thought.

Her mind raced with thoughts and she could no longer hear Dr. Gaider talking. She was overwhelmed with fear and doubt and then all thoughts suddenly stopped when she looked up. Her breath caught in her throat. Her eyes grew wide and her train of thought vanished in an instant.

"Yun Fang?" Dr. Gaider cocked his head to the side at Fang's suddenly frozen expression. Her face paled and he could see the shake in her hands. He knitted his eyebrows together in confusion and followed her line of site to the window that lined his office wall where the young Dr. Farron was walking by, clip board in hand as she took notes.

Time slowed down in Fang's eyes as she watched the pink haired woman walk by the window. There was no doubt in her mind that this was her Lightning. She had seen her everyday. She had loved her in thousands of lives. She knew her face better than the philosophers knew the stars. It was her.

"Wha-" Fang could barely utter the word. Had she finally lost it? Was she finally hallucinating? "That... That's her!" Fang said pushing up from her seat and immediately headed for the door. She needed to know.

Reaching for the door, she found it was locked. In alarm, Dr. Gaider rose from his own seat to calm the woman and try to get her back to her seat. "Fang, calm down. I need you to sit back down."

"No, no you don't understand, you have to open this door, I need to talk to her!" Fang insisted frantically as Dr. Gaider tried to guide her back to her seat.

"Yun Fang, that's just one of our doctors. Doct-"

"Farron! I know!" Fang yelled and hit a hand against the window beside the door to get her attention. Doctor Farron looked up slightly startled by the sound and turned her head in the direction of the noise, catching Fang's eyes. Fang froze again as her breath caught in her throat. She was just as beautiful as she always had been. Beautiful clear blue eyes and rose coloured hair. To see her in the flesh was almost too much. It couldn't be a hallucination. She was too perfect.

Dr. Farron looked from Fang's eyes to Dr. Gaider who stood trying to lead Fang back to her seat. She looked back to Fang once more, slightly unnerved by the look in her eyes before she shook it off and continued walking down the hallway. A few techs watched from the hallways, watching to see if Dr. Gaider could calm her down without help.

"Where's she going?" Fang panicked as she hit her palms against the window again but Lightning continued walking, acting as if she had never seen Fang in her life. Dr. Gaider squeezed her shoulder and with one arm Fang pushed him back away from her. "Hey!" She yelled and tried the door again only to find it was still locked. At the push, the techs stood a little straighter and motioned to one another.

"Fang, you need to sit down, _now!"_

"It's _her_. Light! She's _here!_ She-" Fang looked panicked as she continued to stare down the hallway to where the woman had disappeared to. "She doesn't know me here?" Fang said with realization. "She- Please, I need to speak to her." She turned back to Dr. Gaider, pleading with him.

Dr. Gaider shook his head and crossed his arms across his chest. "Fang. I'm trying to help you. You're going to be sedated if you don't calm down."

"I _need_ to see her. It's _her._ "

"Fang, if you don't sit down now-"

"You don't _get it!_ If I lose this chance-" The door opened suddenly after a beep from a tech's keycard, and two men rushed into the room. Fang turned her attention to the commotion as the techs grabbed her by the arms. "What the hell are you doin'!?" Her voice was loud and confused, "Get off of me!"

Fang struggled against their grip and yelled at them as they yelled at her to quit struggling. In a quick practiced motion, one of the techs pressed a needle into her arm and pushed the plunger down. Within seconds, Fang's body felt heavy. "Lightning..." She managed to get her name out once more before her eyelids started to fail her and the world went dark.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

"Fang, quit it..."

Fang groaned and pushed her temple against the soft pink hair that belonged to her girlfriend. "Quit what?" Her voice came out raspy and quite. She was on the verge of sleep when Lightning had admonished her.

"Rubbing your feet together..." Lightning's own voice barely made it past her sleepy lips. She let her eyebrows come together when Fang instead pulled her in tighter.

"Mmm... But I'm so comfy..." She continued to rub her feet together in slow circles when Lightning balled her hands into the material of Fang's shirt in a small attempt to bring her closer.

"...You do it because you're comfy?"

Fang rubbed her temple against the top of Lightning's head before coming to a stop to take in the smell of her hair. A small "Mmm." was her only confirmation to the question. Lightning let out a sleepy sigh and loosened her grip from Fang's shirt to rest her hand against the side of Fang's neck. "Does it bother you?" Fang mumbled into her hair.

There was a moment of silence as Lightning changed her mind about the persistent foot rubbing. "No..."

* * *

Fang's dream faded into a haze and her head felt groggy in a way that reminded her of the last time she had spent a night doing body shots off of unnamed women. The pounding deep in her temples and the cloudiness that seemed to permeate the rest of her body felt all too familiar to her, but it had been some time since she had last felt it. She hadn't woken up like that since Vanille had put an abrupt stop to her drinking a year earlier. She clenched her eyes tight a moment, trying to figure out why her brain felt like she had drowned it in paralyzers and screw drivers. She pressed a palm to her temple and groaned. She slowly peeled open her eyes and took in her surroundings, confused at first before she recognized the pale green tiles on the wall. She was back in her assigned room.

She glanced to the window and winced seeing a small amount of light that managed to shine it's way in between the brick walls and land on the wall next to her. She could tell from the angle that the sun was starting to set. She rubbed softly at her temple, trying to remember what had happened. Every muscle in her body felt tired and heavy and the small act of rubbing her aching head was too much and she let her arm fall above her head as she stared at the ceiling in confusion.

She had been with the Doctor, doing an assessment. There was a disagreement... Pink hair and- "Lightnin'!"

Fang sat up quickly at the realization before the pounding in her head brought her back down. She had made it half way out of bed before she fell to her knees and pressed her palms against her skull and groaned. Her mind was clouded over, but she knew it was her. She could never forget. Lightning had looked right at her and didn't recognize her. She had kept walking, leaving Fang behind. Fang shook her head. "How can she not remember me?" She winced at the pain and leaned her head softly against her cot in an attempt to get the ebbing pain to stop.

She glanced again to the beam of light on the wall. She had arrived at the hospital earlier that morning and was in to see Dr. Gaider before lunch. She imagined she must have been out for a good nine hours if the sun was already so low in the sky. She recalled the techs injecting her with something that had immediately sedated her. The whole ordeal was a hazy blur in her mind but little things bubbled up the surface with clarity. Dr. Gaider's voice came back to her and echoed in the back of her head.

"The mind is a powerful thing, Fang. Everything we experience comes from our brain. Every _word_ you hear, every _thing_ you see... the entire _world_ and the way you perceive it, is formed in your brain. When the brain isn't working properly, it can create it's own experiences, independently from outside stimuli. It is... so easy for the mind to believe these experiences are real. It tricks itself into believing what it's experiencing is coming from somewhere else..."

She knitted her eyebrows together, it wasn't what she wanted to remember, but her mind played back what she had drown out earlier that morning. "It's a lot like dreaming... The mind takes all these pieces that aren't supposed to fit together and somehow stitches it together and you believe it. It's not until you wake up that you realize it never made sense in the first place."

Once again her doubts pricked at the back of her mind. What he said made perfect sense to her, even if she didn't want to admit it. So many times she had woken up from a convincing dream only to realize that it was all nonsense. What if her mind was doing the same thing while she was awake? What if she hadn't seen Lightning walk by those windows? What if her mind only told her she did because she was afraid of the truth?

Fang's mouth felt dry and she pressed her teeth together as she lowered her head, letting the doubts eat away at her. She had been certain only a moment before that she had seen Lightning. Her shocking pink hair and piercing eyes were so clear, she had a hard time believing it could have been a delusion. She had looked directly at her. Stopped in her tracks, and _looked_ at her. "It had to have been real... It..." She shook her head weakly and let out a small wince as her temples pounded back in protest.

Once again she didn't know what to believe. She didn't know if she could even trust her own perceptions. "Maybe I do belong here..." Fang mumbled to herself solemnly. She sat silently in her hollow room, just listening to the sounds of the people outside running up and down the halls. Her fellow peers. She bit her lip and winced at the idea. She was here now, lead to this moment because of Etro. She paused a moment before knitting her eyebrows together and raised her head to the golden ray of light on the wall. Her eyes widened in a moment of overwhelming clarity. "You did this to me on purpose?!" She ran a hand back through her hair as it became clear to her. "Etro, you sly...- You couldn't do it another way? You just had to drive me into the damn nut house?"

If Etro really was behind Fang's endless memories and it wasn't all a delusion, then she had driven her right to Lightning... Right to a place Fang never would have thought to look for her. Fang laughed slightly to herself, "You still can't decide whether you hate me or love me, huh?" She laughed almost painfully to herself. She continued to stare at the ray of golden light awhile longer, hoping that she was right. Etro liked to mess with her and Lightning, but she always brought them together, maybe this was just the way she had chosen to do it this time around. Fang gave a soft smile and shook her head. It was hope.

Fang was ripped from her thoughts at a light rapping on her metal door that echoed through her small room. She glanced up and through the small window on the door she saw Ms. Read smiling softly at her. A second later, the woman pushed open the door with a loud metallic creak, before letting it close behind her again. "Not the best way to spend your first day here, huh?" The woman crouched in front of Fang to better see her face. Fang let out an amused puff of air and nodded.

"You heard about that?"

Ms. Read made a small shrug that said it was hard not to hear about it. "How are you feeling? I hear the sedatives can be pretty strong the first time."

Fang nodded in agreement, "You're not kiddin'. I feel like I went on a bender." Ms. Read gave a soft laugh and pulled Fang up so she could sit on her cot again. "Thanks."

"Would you like something to help with the headache?"

"No..." Fang shook her head weakly and ran a hand through her hair. "I'll be okay, but thanks..." Fang licked her lips and glanced at the tech. "You have to keep an eye on me now?"

"Afraid so. I was actually off shift an hour ago, but I figured I'd stay until you woke up."

Fang gave her an asking look and quirked a brow.

"The first day can be really rough... I just wanted to be sure you'd be okay." The woman smiled genuinely and Fang let out an amused chuckle.

"You're too good to me." Fang let her charming smile cross her face before her flirtatious grin faltered. "Hey um... is Lightning still here?"

Ms. Read cocked her head slightly, "Who's Lightning?"

Fang felt a small panic in her chest before quickly realizing her mistake. "Sorry... Um, Doctor Farron?" Even after she corrected her mistake, her heart refused to settle down, instead taking it's time to come down to a normal pace.

"Mmm, right." Ms. Read nodded knowingly, reminded of the name Dr. Gaider had mentioned. "Actually she was off shift a couple hours ago."

Fang felt a huge surge of validation run through her at hearing Ms. Read simply confirming that Lightning was real even though a small nagging thought in the back of her head reminded her she could be suffering delusions at that very moment. She pushed the nagging back and nodded, choosing to believe it was real. At least for now. She stayed silent for a moment. Simply in awe that Lightning was out there in the world. Maybe she was at home with Serah, eating a medium rare steak as Serah regaled her with stories from her day. The thought made her smile.

Ms. read glanced at the watch on her wrist. "You missed two meals while you were out, you must be hungry."

Fang glanced to her, finally noticing the empty feeling in her stomach. She nodded, "Yeah... You know, I could really go for a steak."

Ms. Read laughed, "I'm afraid you won't find many steaks here, but why don't we head over to the cafeteria and we'll have them put something together for you." Ms. Read paused a moment, looking somewhat hesitant. "I'm also told you've been prescribed some Thorazine..."

Fang looked to the tech and swallowed slightly. "Is that an antipsychotic?"

Ms. Read nodded.

Fang stayed silent for a moment. She went over it all in her head. The fear was still very much there. She didn't want to lose Lightning, whether she was a delusion or not, but she also needed to know that she was really real. She weighed the options in her head and sighed. She needed more information. "How long does it take to work?"

"Usually about a week before any noticeable results. There are some side effects. You might feel faint, restless or dizzy, all of which is fairly common and harmless, but it can also cause seizures, fever, increased heart rate... Now, I've been told you don't have to take it tonight. They want to get you in to finish your assessment in the morning. There are a few things they want to go over before then."

Fang nodded, she didn't really care about the side effects. She only want to know one thing. "If... if it... If I _am_ delusional... and the delusions go away, will they come back if I stop takin' it?"

Ms. Read nodded her head. "Afraid so. You would likely be on it for the rest of your life."

Fang breathed a sigh of relief. If Lightning went away as a result, then she could slip away back into delusions and live ignorantly if she wanted to. It wasn't exactly a happy thought, but it was something. She reminded herself that she didn't have to commit to it yet. She would still have time to think about it later.

Ms. Read watched as Fang tumbled the thoughts in her mind before finally gaining her attention."Come on, let's fill you up."

"Yeah."

Fang slowly stood from her cot to prevent the throbbing pain in her skull as she followed Ms. Read out and towards the cafeteria. There weren't many people in the large room, and glancing at the large clock on the wall revealed why. Fang let out a soft whistle before turning to Ms. Read, "You stayed here till nine thirty just for me? Maybe you ought to get your own nut uniform and a room down the hall from me."

Ms. Read simply smiled and shook her head, brushing off Fang's joke. She motioned towards a black board just behind the cafeteria counter, "What would you like? Looks like today's special is chicken and broccoli. I've heard it's not terrible."

Fang felt her stomach growl at the mere mention of food and came up beside the tech to read the board herself as she leaned against the counter. "Funny, I didn't think we had a choice."

"Well, after you're little stunt today, you're lucky you're still getting one."

Fang glanced to her side and gave Ms. Read a small shrug. "I wasn't gonna hurt anyone."

The woman smiled, "I believe you, Fang." She left it at that and motioned towards the woman behind the counter, directing Fang's attention back to the task at hand.

"What'll it be?" The older woman asked and Fang could tell from her voice that the woman was a life long smoker.

"Can I have... two chicken sandwiches and a side of fries?"

"Two?" The old woman raised an eyebrow in silent judgement.

"... I missed lunch." Fang made a face. "And the soup of the day..." She paused a moment. "With crackers."

The older woman simply cocked a brow at her. "Anything else?"

Fang pursed her lips in thought and ignored the sound of Ms. Read snickering behind her, "Got anything sweet? Like a pineapple juice? Maybe with a hint of strawberry?"

The old woman blinked a few times at her and waited for a brief moment, as if expecting Fang to add to her order. When she realized Fang was indeed done, she sighed and turned towards the kitchen, to prepare the meal.

Fang made a small face as the woman turned away from her. "Hm. I don't think she likes me."

"Don't take it personally. Doris doesn't like anyone." Ms. Read commented.

Fang cocked her head a bit and smiled. "Nah, the grumpy ones just need a little more time to come around."

Ms. Read smiled and shook her head. "You mean like Doctor Farron?"

Fang's heart jumped again at the mention of Lightning. The very mention of her name was another small validation to her. She grinned a little, "Yeah. Like Doctor Farron."

"So what's the deal with that?"

Fang glanced to Ms. Read who stood with her arms crossed and a curious look on her face. Fang let out an amused puff of air and shook her head. "This why you stayed behind? They ask you to do this?"

Ms. Read gave a guilty half smile. "Doctor Gaider said you knew her name without being told it."

Fang sighed and pursed her lips. "I don't know that I can explain it in a way that doesn't make me come off like a raving lunatic..."

Ms. Read nodded a little, "Do you know her?"

"Yes and no." Fang gave a half answer. She was a little annoyed knowing the real reason Ms. Read stayed until she woke up, but at the same time, the woman felt calming. She'd rather talk to her than to Dr. Gaider. Not that she believed Dr. Gaider was a bad person, but with Ms. Read being just a tech, Fang felt they were closer to equals.

Ms. Read motioned to the counter where Doris dropped a tray of food down with a clatter. Fang turned to take it, noticing the flimsy sandwiches sitting next to the bowl of soup and about 15 fries. Next to it sat a glass of water with a single strawberry thrown into it. Fang tried not to make a face. "Thanks..." She couldn't hide the small grimace of disappointment from her face. "Got any salt?"

Doris looked her over before reaching behind the counter and tossing a small paper packet onto the tray. "Enjoy." The older woman then turned back to the kitchen to clean up.

Fang inspected her meal once again before picking up the tray and moving to a table with Ms. Read. She sat down and peeled back a piece of bread from one of the sandwiches, and was mildly surprised when she noticed it was made with actual chunks of chicken. "Well, it's something. You want one of my nine fries?" Fang asked, motioning to the plate.

Ms. Read shook her head before sitting down, across from Fang. "You think you could try to explain it to me?"

"Well... I think she hates me so she only gave me seven fries."

Ms. Read shook her head in amusement, "You know what I meant."

Fang grinned at her own attempt at a joke before her smile faltered, "It's... complicated. I..." Fang groaned.

"If it means anything, I _do_ want to help you, Fang." There was a sincerity to Ms. Read's voice that Fang truly wanted to believe.

Fang glanced up from her plate, and grimaced. "She means a lot to me..."

"How do you know her?"

Fang continued to grimace but didn't say anything. The last time she had opened her mouth about it she was told she was schizophrenic.

"Doctor Gaider says you claim to have had past lives."

Fang sighed audibly and poked at her food, "If you already know, why are you asking?"

"Well, he thinks it may be more than that."

Fang cocked a brow as she picked up one of her sandwiches and bit into it. After she swallowed she asked, "Like what?"

"Well... The board thinks that it's possible you've followed her."

Fang rolled her eyes, "You mean they think I stalked her." Ms. Read gave a small nod to confirm it and Fang ran a hand through her hair.

"Yeah, which is why they don't want to put you on Thorazine just yet. They want to know just how you knew her."

Fang leaned her head back as she chewed another bite of her sandwich. She was stuck somewhere between annoyed and validated. "Well, what do you think?"

"Honestly, I don't know. Doctor Farron says she doesn't recognize you but it's possible you knew of her from somewhere and incorporated her into your delusions... Maybe subconsciously, you knew she was here and that's what brought you to us." It was clear the tech wanted to believe Fang.

Fang mulled it over in her mind for a moment before she shrugged. "Maybe." She couldn't deny it was a possibility. If she was delusional, she had no idea how to tell what was real and what wasn't. Maybe all of her "proof" was just her mind forcing things to make sense so she wouldn't have to face reality. Then again, she thought back on her box of writings and art. "But I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Because, I knew of her as a child... I've written stories and journals about her. Painted her face a thousand times..." Fang sighed and glanced at her plate, "I know more about her than Doris knows about skimping on fries." Fang gestured to her small pile of fries, "Seriously, you sure you don't want one? I have like _four_ whole fries here."

Ms. Read sighed slightly, she could feel the irritation coming off of Fang, though she wasn't sure if it was over the topic of Doctor Farron, or the lack of fries on her plate. All things considered, she was pretty sure it was the former. "The board is going to discuss this in the morning, Fang. Is there anything you'd like them to know?"

Fang looked up from her food, "I just want to talk to her... Doesn't really matter though, right? I mean, they think I'm lying they can discharge me and I'll just wait outside until Lightnin' goes by and talk to her then." Fang shrugged and continued eating.

"I don't think it's quite that easy, Fang. After your outburst this morning, if they discharge you, they're not going to let you anywhere near the property... If they think you're a threat to her safety, they may file for a restraining order... maybe even transfer Doctor Farron to another hospital. It's happened before when a patient became too attached to his doctor."

Fang stopped eating and put down her sandwich, her appetite suddenly vanishing. "Then... What do I do?"

"Be on your best behaviour. I want to help you, Fang. I honestly believe that you would be best with Doctor Farron... She's a fantastic doctor, and if she's as important to you as you say, then perhaps it would be easiest for you to open up to her."

Fang quirked a brow, "You _want_ her to be my doctor?"

Ms. Read smiled and pulled a fry from Fang's plate before taking a bite from it, "I'll put in a good word for you, but-" She paused and pointed the remainder of her fry at Fang. "You have to promise me that you will try and behave."

"I... What will you tell them?"

"That I believe you will respond best to Doctor Farron. You'll be open and honest with her, more so than any other doctor here." She finished the fry, "And that I _don't_ think you're faking your delusions."

Fang let out an amused puff of air, choosing not to argue about the decision to use the word "delusions" over "memories", "You think they'll believe you?"

"It's worth a shot isn't it? Doctor Farron says she's willing to treat you if they'll let her. I think she's curious. We just need to convince the board."

Fang's eyes lit up just enough that it didn't go unnoticed by Ms. Read. "She's curious about me?"

"We're _all_ a little curious about you, Fang. I guess you made an impression."

Fang made a face that showed she was a little proud of herself, "In that case, I promise to be on my best behaviour."

Ms. Read smiled, "Good. Then finish eating, bus your tray, and go back to your room." she stood from her chair, ready to leave.

"You're off then?"

Ms. Read nodded her head, "Another tech will be by to check on you every now and again. Don't do anything stupid between now and tomorrow, okay?"

Fang laughed, "You have my word." The thought of seeing Lightning in the morning was all she needed to make the promise. "Oh. Um... You think I could get a... crayon?" Fang asked, wincing slightly at the indignation of having to ask for a crayon. She thought of the tender moment she had dreamt of before waking in her room. Another memory she hadn't remembered until now. "I had a dream I need to write down."

Ms. read gave a warm smile. "I'll leave you a pack in your room."

Fang gave a genuine smile. "Thanks, Read."

* * *

Fang returned to her room with a full stomach after she bussed her tray and thanked Doris for her meal, hoping that the gratitude would get her more than two fries at her next meal. When she pushed open her metal door she found a small packet of crayons and a black bound notebook sitting on her cot. She gave a small smile at the sight. She had been documenting all of her thoughts since the moment she could pick up a pencil, and she wasn't about to stop now.

She noticed the bag she had brought with her to the hospital sitting at the foot of her bed where someone dropped it off. She already knew the writing utensils she had brought with her would be gone, but she had another use for the bag. She propped it up against the wall on her cot, and leaned back on it for a small sense of support before she pulled the small notebook into her lap. She pulled a dark crayon from the small box of eight and began writing down her thoughts.

Page after page she continued to write into the evening. Every fifteen minutes a man in tech scrubs would peak his head through the window on her door to check up on her, and every time he was greeted with the sight of Fang scribbling into her notebook. She didn't gloss over anything. She wrote about her talk with Dr. Gaider, her doubts and fears. Her chance sighting of Lightning, and all that had gone through her mind since seeing her for that brief first moment. The way her eyes locked onto hers, the way she almost felt she would pass out, down to the way the woman carried herself. All of it.

She even wrote about the excitement and hope she gained when she realized everything that had happened to her, every memory she held, and every heart break she suffered could all be in Etro's plan to bring her and Lightning together again. Despite still being torn between what she truly believed, thinking on the thought gave her a sense of calm she realized she hadn't felt in years. Her memories told her that every life they lived, they were together. Even if it was brief, the two always came together in one way or another. Provided she hadn't gone mad, she knew they would be together again.

Finally she finished off with the dream she had experienced just hours before... Another memory that had surfaced. It wasn't unlike her other memories. It was simple, homey, familiar, maybe even a little redundant in her collection but it was important to her just the same. She treasured every last moment she could remember of her past selves with Lightning. She always had, and her mountains of documents proved that. But she grinned softly at herself, hoping that soon she would be able to create her own new memories to treasure.

* * *

 


	4. Chapter 4

Fang was breathing heavily, a thin sheen of sweat covering her body as she boxed an imaginary opponent in her room. Each swing helping the adrenaline to keep pumping in her veins. At the very sight of the new day, Fang was out of bed, too antsy to sleep. The possibility of seeing Lightning again kept her nerves on edge and she needed to work off the extra energy somehow. After a half hour of her winning her imaginary fight, Fang wiped the sweat from her brow and glanced out the window. A smile graced her lips at the small amount of light that managed to work its way into her room.

There was a light knock on her door and Fang glanced over her shoulder to the small window on the heavy door to see Miss. Read give a soft wave. Fang grinned back and motioned for her to enter.

The door creaked in the early morning silence, making it sound louder than normal. "Early riser?"

Fang shrugged slightly and pulled the hem of her undershirt up to wipe some of the excess sweat from her face. "Can't sleep."

"Slept too much yesterday?"

Fang smiled and shook her head slightly. "No... That's not it. Any word from the board?"

Miss. Read smiled and shook her head in amusement. "It's six in the morning, Fang. The boards not all here yet." She couldn't help but chuckle at Fang's excitement. A part of her worried that the request wouldn't be approved, but she kept her smile up anyway, reminding herself that there was no need to worry until there was something to worry about. "You seem to be doing well."

Fang nodded and went to her large metal cupboard, noting that a new change of scrubs had been added to it sometime the day before when she had been knocked out on her sedatives. She pulled them out and tucked them under one arm before closing the cupboard once again. "Better than I have in a while actually... Thanks." Fang glanced up to meet Miss. Read's eyes and Miss. Read simply gave her a humble smile.

"Don't thank me yet."

Fang nodded, "Yeah... Yeah, I know." Fang scratched at the back of her head. She wouldn't let herself lose any hope just yet. She was so close, she couldn't imagine it all slipping away now. Etro owed her after everything she'd put her through.

Pulling her bag of personal items up onto the small bed, Fang rummaged through it, looking for her hygiene items. She pulled out a book that was in the way and grinned at the cover. Call of Wolves by TL Pratz, one of Lightning's favourite authors in another time. He had only put out four books so far this time around, none of them the same as before, but Fang would bet just about anything that Lightning was still a fan. She put it to the side and turned back to the bag, pulling out a pare of black boy shorts and matching bra, and a small black pouch that she tucked under her arm with her fresh scrubs. She was ready to take a shower and wash away the sweat. There were small butterflies in her stomach at the thought of seeing Lightning again, and she wanted to look her very best. "Are there towels in the shower?"

"MmHmm." Miss. Read confirmed but pursed her lips. "Follow me."

"Oh, nah that's alright. I know where the showers are." Fang smiled and made to move past Miss. Read but stopped when she saw Miss. Read suck her lips. "Agh... You gotta be kidding me..." Fang ground out, already recognizing the look.

"I won't be watching you, but you do need supervision."

"Still!? It's just a shower." Fang rolled her eyes.

"After your own admission of attempted suicide _and_ after what you pulled yesterday, yeah."

Fang huffed audibly, "Really, I'm fine now."

"I'd like to believe you, really. But it's not up to me. You've not finished your assessment yet, and without a proper risk evaluation, we always presume a high risk." Miss. Read gave a sympathetic smile. "You'd be surprised how many suicides take place in psychiatric wards. Was six percent last year. Hoping this year it will be even less."

Fang didn't say anything for a second. She knitted her eyebrows and studied the tech in front of her. "Have you ever seen someone go through with it?"

Miss. Read looked down for a moment and sucked her lips again before giving the smallest nod and bringing her gaze back up to Fang, "And I'd rather not see another... So..." She breathed in and forced a smile on her face, "you're going to be pretty sick of me by the end of the week."

Fang gave a meek smile and placed a hand on the tech's shoulder, "I'm _already_ sick of ya." She smiled, trying to lighten the mood and was relieved to see Miss. Read laugh lightly in return. "After you then." Fang motioned to the door and the two left down the hall to the showers.

* * *

Fang hurried through her shower and towel dried her hair to get her signature look. The entire time she was in the shower, Miss. Read continued to talk to her from the other side of the curtain as a way to make sure she was okay. As much as Fang didn't care for the constant supervision, she had to admit, she had a soft spot for Miss. Read. The woman genuinely seemed to care about the patients in her care, and did everything in her power to prove just that. Which was proven yet again when she left Fang in the cafeteria along side the other patients and left for the board meeting on her behalf.

Fang grinned as she ate the lumpy oatmeal she was given, thinking on what was to come. She was nervous, no doubt, but more than anything she was excited. She felt her whole life was leading to this day. Only small doubts flittered across her mind. Doubts about her sanity, doubts about how it would go, doubts about the meeting, but none of it stuck around for long. Every time another doubt would surface, it would be replaced with all the possibilities. Every memory Fang held was suddenly possible again. That feeling of coming home to someone she'd known and loved her whole life was just around the corner. Somehow, she was still able to breathe.

Some time after she had finished her bowl and bussed her tray, Miss. Read came back into the room. Fang perked up upon seeing her and stood up from her chair, preparing herself for the news. She took a couple deep breaths in as the tech approached her. "Well?" Fang asked hopeful.

Miss. Read tried not to smile. "Yeah."

Fang lit up. She hadn't realized how much she had worried about the response until that moment. "You're serious?"

Miss. Read nodded, a few small strands of her loose bun falling from behind her ear in the process. "Are you ready?"

Fang froze up. "What? Right _now!?_ " Her heart beat firmly in her chest. She hadn't realizes until that moment that she wasn't fully prepared to come face to face with Lightning.

Miss. Read nodded again, "Just please behave yourself. I had to stick my neck out for you, don't make me regret it."

"I promise." Fang knitted her eyebrows together earnestly. She wouldn't mess this up, or at the very least she would try her best not to.

"Then let's go."

* * *

Miss Read lead Fang towards the reception area and down another wing. Fang recognized the wing from the day before, where Dr. Gaider's office had been located. They walked past the windowed office, and took another turn before Miss Read stopped them in front of a door marked with black lettering that read "Dr. Farron". She opened the door and motioned Fang inside.

"Doctor Farron will be here shortly. I'll be just outside until then, okay?"

Fang nodded her head but didn't say anything, she crossed the threshold into the room and looked around the office. It was smaller than Dr. Gaider's, or perhaps it was simply the large bookcases that lined the walls that made it look smaller than it was. The entire room smelled of mahogany, and Fang smiled faintly. Lightning loved that smell. In the centre of the room was a large wooden desk with papers stacked neatly in little piles on its surface. A small figurine of a white chocobo sat on the corner overlooking the stacks like a tiny soldier.

Fang ventured slowly around the room, taking in all that she could of this particular Lightning. She noted a well made jacket, with white trimmings thrown over the back of her chair and a large water bottle sat next to her desk, slightly out of site. In front of the one bookshelf sat a wooden chaise chair, with vibrant red cushions that almost looked untouched. Like everything Lightning owned, she kept it in prime condition.

Walking along the bookshelves, Fang read the titles of the books. Noting most were psychology books, or medical books and Fang had no doubt in her mind that Lightning had read every last one of them. She stopped at a familiar spine and traced a finger down the embossed lettering. "Call of Wolves..." Fang softly read and smiled.

"It's a good book. If you'd like, I'll lend it to you."

Fang froze up at the sound of the familiar voice. Her throat suddenly felt dry and her heart started to beat faster and harder in her chest as her body released an incredible amount of adrenaline into her blood stream.

Fang slowly turned around, her eyes slowly traced over the woman in front of her, taking in all of the details. She was an incredible sight to behold. It was one thing to remember her face, but it was another to see it in the flesh. She was everything Fang had always known she was and yet somehow she was more.

Lightning's bright pink hair cascaded down over her left shoulder onto her white doctor's coat in it's typical fashion and her eyes were the same intense shade of crystal blue they'd always been. It was surreal to see her so close. Her memories were vivid, but they weren't that vivid. The sight of her nearly took her breath away.

"So many years..." Fang whispered to herself in awe, but upon realizing that Lightning had heard her, shook her head and tried again, "I'm Oerba Yun-"

"-Fang. I know." Fang felt another jolt of adrenaline go through her body, not only at the sound of her Cocoonian accented voice, but at the idea that maybe Lightning _did_ know her, but was immediately disheartened as she continued. "I've been filled in."

"Oh..." Fang tried to give a comforting smile but her pounding heart made her grimace slightly instead. Of course Lightning didn't know her here, that would be too easy. "They told you everything?"

Lightning nodded and motioned to the seat in front of her desk as she crossed behind it and took her own seat. Fang obliged, never taking her eyes off of Lightning.

Lightning pursed her lips slightly and crossed her arms somewhat defensively. "I would like to go over a few things before we begin your assessment, if that's alright?"

Fang nodded, more than happy to comply with anything Lightning had to say. "Of course." The words left her mouth in a near whisper causing Fang to grimace slightly. The awe was clear in her voice and she feared she was going to weird Lightning out so she forced herself to appear relaxed.

Lightning nodded and looked Fang over, somewhat unsure of where to start with the mysterious woman. "I've been told you knew my name without anyone telling you it?"

Fang scratched at the back of her neck, "Aaah... yeah." She tilted her head back slightly, aware of how that knowledge must have looked to someone like Lightning. "I swear I'm not stalking you." The blunt admission caused Lightning to raise an eyebrow. Fang glanced down to the nametag on Lightning's chest that read 'C. Farron' and gave a small smile. "It's Claire this time, isn't it?"

Lightning stiffened in her chair and regarded Fang suspiciously. "How do you know that?"

Fang made a face as she tried to think of a way to word her thoughts. "It usually is... sometimes it's Eclair." Fang smiled softly, watching the stoic expression on the other woman's face. It was almost easy to talk to Lightning. Like they'd never spent a moment apart. Just being near her felt right. "But more often than not, you go by Lightning." Fang watched as Lightning swallowed visibly in her seat. "I take it you do _here_ as well."

A thick silence filled the room as Lightning regarded Fang with a suspicious and confused stare. She tried to recognize her face from somewhere, _anywhere._ The nickname had been given to her as a child by her father, no one should have known about it.

Fang raised an eyebrow as Lightning ran her eyes apprehensively over her, looking for anything that would give Fang's game away. Fang smiled softly to herself. She loved that look. She always had. It was the same look she gave whenever Fang would tell her she had a surprise for her. Lightning didn't particularly care for surprises.

Fang shook her head to clear the thought away, finding it very easy to lose herself to thoughts in front of Lightning. There was so much to talk about, so many familiar feelings to take in, it was hard not to. "You probably have a sister, yeah? Serah?" Fang paused when she saw how Lightning managed to stiffen even more at the mention of her sister's name. Lightning was off guard. Not something that happened to the woman often. Fang grimaced slightly at the reaction. She hadn't intended to put her so ill at ease. If anything, she wanted Lightning to feel comfortable with her, but she needed to convince her she was telling the truth first.

"I'm not going to play your little game." Lightning said cuttingly. Fang winced and shook her head softly.

"It's not a game, Light... I know you. I know you better than I know anyone else." Fang paused for just a second. "You've always liked tea over coffee, cats over dogs, and every pet you've ever had, you named _Odin_."

Lightning glanced to the small white chocobo on her desk and frowned. "I've never had a pet." Lightning wasn't sure just what was going on but somehow the woman had guessed the name of the chocobo figurine that she'd had since she was six. Lightning didn't like it.

Fang raised an eyebrow. It was rare that there was a lifetime without an Odin, but she knew it had happened before so she didn't think too much into it. She continued, needing to show Lightning that she truly knew her. Needing for Lightning to believe her. "You tell people your favourite colour is red, when it's secretly rose pink. If you could get away with it, you would go barefoot everywhere. You hate scrambled eggs but you would never tell Serah because she's so proud of her scrambled eggs."

Lightning felt a spike of adrenaline run through her and the hair on the back of her neck stood up but she pushed to keep herself composed. She made a conscious effort to keep her breathing level. This woman knew things that Lightning had never even voiced out loud, and yet Lightning knew nothing about her in return. She had never felt so off balance. Just who was Fang, and how did she know what she knew?

When Doctor Gaider had informed her about the patient, she didn't expect her to know such precise details. She expected a delusional schizophrenic who knew one or two things about her. Maybe someone who she once met but didn't remember, or just a run of the mill psychopath. She wasn't ready to cross any of the ideas off the list just yet, but Fang was quickly proving to be more than Lightning had anticipated.

"Light..." Fang bit her lip a moment, wondering if she should speak, but pushed past her doubts, "I've lived a thousand lives and I will live a thousand more. I have loved you through every one of them." Fang said, her voice dropping lower at the end. Even though she'd waited years to tell her that, she couldn't wait a second longer.

"A thousand lives?" Lightning asked, choosing to ignore the part about love or the part where Fang listed off things that no one should have known about her. She needed to keep things professional and get to the source of... well whatever it was, before she could get into the emotional details.

"Agh..." Fang leaned back in her chair and ran a hand through her wild hair, "I got a few screws loose... I... remember things from previous lives."

Lightning arched a sceptical brow but didn't say anything. Doctor Gaider had informed her of Fang's "delusions" about past lives, but she wanted to hear it from Fang herself. She waited for the other woman to continue, and studied her in the meantime. Making note of her casual body language, like the way she would hang one elbow over the back corner of her chair, or the animated way she moved when she spoke, then compared it to her own stiff demeanor. It was clear in that moment, that Fang was the one in control. She had the upper hand even if she didn't realize it herself.

"It's like... for everything that could happen but doesn't, another world exists where it does. Alternate realities? I'm... not really sure." Fang said and pulled a small face, but kept her eyes locked to Lightning's. Making sure to take in the woman in front of her, lest she disappear and Fang was told, once again, that she was all a part of her imagination. "Sometimes the state of the world is in chaos, sometimes it's just boring... Sometimes they're so similar, I'll forget which one I'm living in. But one thing is always constant. You and _me_." Fang could hear the small plea in her own voice when she said it and almost regretted it. She knew Lightning and knew how hard it was for her to let someone in and she was sure that if Lightning didn't already think she was crazy, she certainly did now.

Lightning sighed inwardly to herself. She was torn and wasn't sure what to believe. Her head told her that this "Fang" was just toying with her, that she must have been stalking her for some time to know such personal things about her. How she came to know these things, she wasn't sure, but it was the only logical explanation. On the other hand, she talked with such conviction that it felt honest, and even Lightning couldn't deny that.

"Right. So you know everything there is to know about me?" Lightning asked, pursing her lips slightly.

Fang gave a small laugh and shook her head. Everyone had told her she was wrong in the head, and finally her proof and validation was sitting right across from her, looking stunning as always. Her little mannerisms, not escaping Fang's notice. The curt way she used the word "right" to deflect from an emotionally charged situation seemed to be something consistent in every reality. It brought on a feeling somewhat reminiscent of nostalgia. A familiarity with something she'd never truly experienced. She almost couldn't believe it. She had nearly resigned herself to the idea that she had made this woman up all on her own. Now she was almost certain she was real. No delusion could be so perfect.

"No. Not everything. You're not as predictable as people think you are, and you can even throw _me_ for a loop..."

Lightning nodded and ran her tongue across her right canine tooth in thought. "Can you see the future? Did you know I was here?" She ventured, hoping for something that would show how Fang's mind worked, or how she'd obtained the knowledge that she had.

Fang shook her head again. "Nah, it doesn't work that way. I can't see what hasn't happened yet. Just what has. Thousands of lives like memories from yesterday... sometimes I'd forget that you and I hadn't met yet because it felt like we had. I would forget which reality I was living in... I had to keep a journal to remind myself. You wouldn't believe how many time's I've waken up in a panic when you weren't there..." Fang paused a moment, thinking back to the days where she would wake up, realize Lightning wasn't there only to go into a panic at the thought that she'd passed away some time ago and she'd blocked it out. So many times had Fang seen her die, that it was hard not to think about it. Hard not to get confused as to what had or hadn't happened in her current reality. "I've not only loved you in a thousand lives, I've lost you in them too..."

Lightning watched Fang intently, both amazed and unnerved by her. Fang avoided eye contact, her eyes looking far away, clearly lost in thought. There was a pained expression on her face and Lightning, while not really believing her stories, came to believe that _Fang_ believed them. Sympathy overtook her and she lowered her gaze, no longer wanting to see the pain on the other woman's face. Lightning softened, seeing that while strange, her years of schooling had prepared her for such situations.

"Fang?" Lightning said softly, noticing a small sheen to the other woman's eyes.

"Ugh..." Fang let out an exasperated sigh and tilted her head back, shamelessly wiping the tears away from her eyes. "Well, you certainly didn't need to see that... some first impression, huh?" Fang forced a jovial tone into her voice that didn't go unnoticed by the Doctor. Lightning took the meaning and didn't pry, choosing instead to ask another question.

"You say we meet every time... Did you know we would meet this time?" Lightning's voice was professional and calm, almost encouraging now. Lightning was giving her a chance. She wasn't coming off harsh or defensive anymore, Fang wasn't entirely sure Lightning believed her, but it was a start. The beginning of something she'd been craving for years. A small thankful smile crossed Fang's lips.

"Nah.. Everyone'd gotten me convinced I'd gone mad... There were times I believed we'd meet... but for my own sake I thought I needed to let it go...That's... kind of why I'm here," Fang paused, "but here you are..." Fang still looked at her in amazement, and Lightning could even see the adoration in her eyes. It nearly made her blush, but she kept her composure and nodded in response.

Lightning didn't say anything. Sitting in silence, she went over the situation in her head. It was a strange situation but it also peaked her curiosity. She wanted to know more, she wanted to know if she was dealing with some strange cocktail of disorders or just a psychopath. On one hand, Fang could be delusional and had somehow obtained personal information on Lightning. On the other, she exhibited many psychopathic traits. She had a disarming, even charming personality. Lightning felt herself wanting to trust her, but whether that was from honesty or years of practiced manipulation, she wasn't sure yet.

Perhaps she wasn't stalking her, but there was clearly something else wrong. Perhaps it was something akin to deja vu, where the mind cataloged things that were currently happening into long term memory, tricking the individual into believing they had experienced it before. Maybe upon seeing her, Fang's mind decided that it was Lightning who had been in her thoughts all those years... It didn't explain how Fang knew certain things about her, but maybe she was just really good at reading people, or maybe she just got lucky. Maybe it was a combination of stalking and mental illness. Either way, she had never run into anything quite like Fang during her schooling, but if there was one thing that could be said about Lightning; she would always rise to the challenge.

Lightning nodded to herself before drawing her eyes to the clock on her wall, "Right, let's get started on your assessment."

Lightning pulled out a clipboard and a pen. She pulled open one of her desk drawers, flicked through a few papers before pulling out a packet and setting it on her clip board. Before even asking any questions Lightning began writing. She jotted down notes on Fang's appearance, noting that she appeared to be in good physical health, and took good care of herself. She looked physically fit and had good hygiene, which was a good sign.

She wrote about Fang's attitude, remarking that she was calm and open, and that her behaviour wasn't anything to be concerned over so far. Her affect, matched what Fang claimed to be feeling. He speech was clear, perhaps with small flights of ideas, but Lightning considered that those could be a result of nervousness. She noted it anyway.

She moved onto cognition, getting a better idea as to Fang's awareness. Most of the questions Lightning asked, were already familiar. Dr. Gaider had asked most of them the day before but Fang answered them again anyway, this time with less attitude. She gave Fang a short name and simple address to remember and then asked Fang where she was, and what the date was, before asking her again to repeat the name and address she'd been told to remember. Fang passed with flying colours.

Lightning asked about her past medical and mental history, and started her risk evaluation. Fang once again went over the finer details and watched the woman she loved jot down notes about her. In a sense, getting to know her for the first time.

A lot of questions Fang would have determined relatively benign. Asking her about anxiety levels, and sleep patterns or simply how she felt in the moment. She asked about physical pains, and other symptoms, most of which Fang would simply shake her head "no" at. Easy questions that allowed for Fang to think on other things while Lightning assessed her. She spent her time taking Lightning in. The way she held her pen, or the way she would push her hair out of her face, only for it to fall back into her face again. Familiar little details.

Again, the questions stopped as Lightning wrote about their earlier exchange, which was where most of her concerns laid. She wrote briefly about possible delusions attributed to misidentification and obsession. She tapped her pen on the paper a moment before pulling over Dr. Gaider's notes and continuing to add to her assessment. Adding quick notes on Fang's delusions and Fang's own ideas about them. They'd merely scratched the surface on Fang's delusions, but they would have time to go through all that another time. For now she had to concentrate on finishing her assessment. She couldn't deny that Dr. Gaider could be right in his conclusion that Fang could be schizophrenic, but Lightning wanted to do a few more tests before she came to the same conclusion.

Over the span of an hour, Lightning had filled out eight pages worth about her new patient. She was quickly gaining an understanding of Fang's mental health. Looking over her notes she sat silently as Fang watched her and waited. "Okay. Are you willing to submit to some medical tests?" Lightning asked and set her pen down on the desk.

Fang made a small face, "What's the got to do with my brain?"

Lightning let herself smile at the innocent question. "Your brain is an organ just as much as your heart or your liver. Mental health issues aren't 'in your head', they're in your brain. There are a lot of things that can effect it."

"Right." Fang said and nodded her head. "Yeah. Okay." If Lightning knew there was nothing wrong with her brain, than maybe she would be more likely to believe her, making it an easy decision.

Lightning gave a comforting smile and stood from her chair. "Follow me."

Fang gladly fallowed after Lightning towards the medical wing, completely oblivious to those around her as she concentrated on Lightning. As Fang walked slightly behind her, she could smell her familiar scent and it took everything in her not to grab her wrist, spin her around , back her into a wall and take her. Fang swallowed hard at the thought.

* * *

"You're doing the examination?" Fang asked from her spot on the examination table, a lopsided smile on her face.

Lightning looked up as she placed her stethoscope around her neck. She let out an amused puff of air. "Who did you think would be doing it?"

Fang shrugged. "I thought you were a psychiatrist."

Lightning smiled in amusement as she pulled on a pair of latex gloves.. "I am. You're thinking of a psychologist. Most of my training is in the medical field. The shrink part of it is just an added benefit."

"I didn't know there was a difference..."

"Most people don't." Lightning said, letting Fang know she wasn't alone in her misconception. "Look forward."

Fang did as she was told and Lightning shown a bright light into her eyes. Fang held her breath, afraid that being so close to Lightning, she'd once again have to fight the urge to kiss her. She nearly groaned to herself when Lightning placed a gloved hand on her jaw to move Fang's head slightly. "You're eyes are rather dilated..."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning your eyes are rather dilated." Lightning said again.

Fang fought the urge to roll her eyes at her. "What are you looking for?"

"Umm... Possible lobe epilepsy. It can cause hallucinations in some people." Lightning said, squinting as she examined Fang's pupils. "Follow my finger." Fang did as she was told. "Good."

"... Their not hallucinations."

"Just covering all the bases." She turned Fang's head to the side, placing her otoscope into Fang's ear. Fang fought a shiver in her spine at Lightning's touches. She'd wanted so long for Lightning to touch her, she had hoped it would be in a different context, but Fang's hair stood on end, all the same. "Okay."

Lightning placed her otoscope down in it's designated spot and placed her stethoscope into her ears. She picked up the chest piece and in a practiced motion pushed it below the collar of Fang's shirt and to her chest. Fang gasped in a breath at the touch and froze up.

"Sorry, I know it's cold."

"... That's not it." Fang admitted and she closed her eyes, digging her fingers into her own thighs to fight her body's urge to touch Lightning in return. It was hard enough that Lightning didn't remember her, or remember the love they had for each other, but having Lightning so close and knowing she couldn't touch her, was a different kind of painful.

The doctor knitted her eyebrows at the admission but didn't say anything. She hoped that by not saying anything, they could keep things professional. They would have time to go in to all the details later. She listened to her heartbeat for a second and furrowed her brow. "You're heart rate is unusually high."

Fang gave her a look.

"Right." Lightning pulled the stethoscope away, feeling a small heat in her cheeks at having heard the proof of Fang's adoration. Lightning pulled off the stethoscope and paused for a second. Even if Fang was a psychopath, she wouldn't have been able to alter her heart beat... proving that there was something more going on than simple manipulation. She could even attribute her dilated pupils to the same cause. It was one thing Lightning could cross off her list. It was clear Fang really did have some kind of affinity for her. Where it came from, she still couldn't say.

Doing a mental check list in her head, Lightning then prepared a small needle. Despite Fang's insistence that she wasn't on any drugs, she would have to be sure. If they could rule it out, she would feel more comfortable agreeing with 's original assumed diagnosis. "Are you okay with a quick blood test?"

Fang nodded, and Lightning swabbed the inside of Fang's arm with a white cotton ball, ignoring the goosebumps that formed on her patient's skin. With a practiced motion, she located a vein, drew the blood and capped the syringe. As she turned to prepare the blood for testing, Fang spoke up and Lightning could hear the tiniest hint of a waver in her voice.

"You believe me, right?" Fang asked, hopeful. She wasn't sure she would like the answer but she had to ask. Having Lightning so close to her was dredging up everything inside her. She needed to know that the person she had always been closest to, actually believed her.

Lightning sighed pursed her lips before leaning back against the counter, facing Fang. She looked her over, once more. "I believe that you believe."

Fang gave a pathetic half smile at the response. "I guess that's better than thinking I've been stalking you."

"I didn't say _that_." Lightning half joked and Fang raised a brow. "At the moment, I'm inclined to believe that Doctor Gaider was correct in his diagnosis. I think it's likely that you're suffering from a sub form of delusional misidentification brought on by schizophrenia."

Fang furrowed her brow and shrugged. "What does that mean."

"It basically means that your brain has assigned an importance to me that's false. Now, when or how that could have happened, I'm not sure. It is possible that you'd known about me and your brain created delusions to help fit me into it's narrative. It could explain some... accurate details you brought up."

"So you _do_ think I'm stalking you?" Fang looked concerned, her conversation the night before with Miss. Read coming back to her. The last thing she wanted was for Lightning to get transferred somewhere away from her.

"Honestly, Fang, I don't know. I believe you really do have these memories, but what you believe is happening... just isn't possible. We'll figure it out though." Lightning gave a small, sympathetic smile to try to relax Fang.

Fang nodded. She could understand Lightning's disbelief and didn't fault her for it, she was just happy that the woman hadn't been scared away by her. "So... do I have to take that thor stuff?"

"Thorazine?" Lightning asked for clarification and Fang nodded. "There's no law saying you absolutely have to... but I would highly encourage you to."

Fang smiled meekly, nowhere near as fearful as she was the first time she'd been told about the drug. After spending the morning with Lightning, her doubts had been squared away. She was confident now that Lightning was real. She was more than a memory now. She had seen her, smelled her, felt her touch on her skin... If taking the drug could prove to Lightning that her memories weren't delusions, she'd do it.

* * *

 


	5. Chapter 5

"Vanille!"

"Fang!" Vanille ran up to her friend and latched onto her in a tight bear hug. She had already begun to miss Fang's smell and buried her head into Fang's chest to take it in again. She hadn't even realized how relieved she was to see Fang, until she noticed the smile on Fang's face. She realized in that moment that she hadn't seen her genuinely smile in months.

"Woah!" Fang laughed and wrapped her arms around the smaller girl in return. "I missed you too." She ruffled Vanille's hair slightly and grinned down at her.

"You..." Vanille didn't finish, she simply smiled in awe at the taller girl trying to hold back the happy tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. The change in Fang from when she had dropped her off until she had seen her again was like night and day and a very welcomed surprise.

Fang let out an amused puff of air. "Yeah... I know." She pulled Vanille back to her chest and rocked the small girl side to side a few more times. It had been a long time since Vanille had seen Fang happy, and Fang knew it. She held Vanille tight to her chest, letting herself fully enjoy her warmth. She allowed them to revel in the moment a while longer before she finally pulled back and tapped Vanille lightly on the nose. The tears had already started to flow down Vanille's cheeks and Fang gave her a sympathetic smile, in an attempt to comfort her.

"I'm sorry I missed you yesterday..." Vanille said and immediately went back in for another hug which Fang welcomed with open arms.

The day before, while Fang had been getting assessed by the young Dr. Farron, Vanille had come by to visit Fang only to be told that she wouldn't be able to see her anytime soon. She'd left the hospital feeling guilty. She had promised Fang that she would be in to see her that day and already she felt as though she had broken her promise to Fang. She worried the entire day that Fang would be mad or upset with her. That her small failure to see her would hurt Fang more than she was already hurting and she spent the day leafing through Fang's box of documents, making herself feel worse for abandoning her friend. It wasn't until late in the evening when Fang had called home, telling her that something amazing had happened, that Vanille realized Fang wasn't disappointed in her. In fact, Fang seemed down right... _happy_ when they had talked on the phone. She had explained to Vanille that she was doing great and that she had to show her something in the morning when Vanille would come to visit her again.

Vanille's fears had all vanished in the night. She felt a renewed hope that her best friend was going to be alright after all, and had her first genuine moment of relief that she'd had since Fang had been committed. The entire forty eight hours the two had been apart, Vanille had worried constantly about Fang's well being, and worried that being apart from her might have been a huge mistake. Finally she had been given solace, knowing that they had made the right decision. She slept soundly that night and was up bright and early the next morning, exited to see her friend again.

"Don't sweat it," Fang grinned and shook her head at Vanille.

"I'm... just so happy..." Vanille squeaked out through her tears.

Fang placed a calming hand on Vanille's head, a gesture that always helped calm the younger girl and Vanille immediately started to relax. "Come on." Fang chuckled and lead Vanille down the hall with one strong hand on her mid back.

Fang lead Vanille down to the common room, where others were sitting around watching a small tube TV mounted high in the corner. A few of the other patients were talking with each other but Fang found most of the patients seemed to keep to themselves. The younger girl with the bandaged wrists she had met the first day, seemed to be one of the exceptions to the rule. She would flit around trying to make conversation with anyone who'd speak with her. At the moment she was engaging with an older couple who appeared to be visiting their grandson.

Vanille hopped up onto one of the empty couches that ran along a large window that overlooked the court yard and gestured for Fang to sit with her. The moment Fang sat down Vanille leaned up against her and smiled contentedly. "This place is good for you, Fang." Vanille sighed happily, her eyes closed as she enjoyed the moment with her friend.

Fang wrapped an arm around Vanille and tugged her in tight to herself. "You don't even know the half of it."

Vanille cracked an eye and tilted her head up to see Fang. "What do you mean?"

Fang bit her lip trying to hold back a smile and shook her head. "Ah... How do I even put it into words, Van?" Fang tilted her head back and stared up at the ceiling a moment, letting herself smile freely as she thought of Lightning.

Vanille furrowed her brow slightly, recognizing the look and started to frown. "Fang?" Vanille prodded, worried about just what Fang was on about.

"She's _real_."

Vanille's frown deepened and she bit her lip. " _Fang_..."

"No, Vanille." Fang shifted in her seat causing Vanille to sit up so they could better see each other. "I mean it. She's real. She's _here._ "

Vanille shook her head, here eyebrows knitted together. She felt her tears returning. Fang hadn't gotten better. "She's... not here, Fang... She's not real... You..." She sucked her lips a second, her eyes pleading with Fang. "You need to face the truth..."

Fang laughed her off and grinned. "Van. I'm not crazy. I mean... okay. _Yeah,_ there's somethin' off in my head, but Lightning _is_ real. She's my doctor."

Vanille let her eyes water freely and leaned into Fang, wrapping her arms around her. She felt all the hope she had slip through her fingers and vanish into nothingness. She silently admonished herself for having gotten her hopes up in the first place.

Fang frowned and held Vanille in return. "Vanille... I'm..." Fang ran a single hand through her hair. "Etro... She drove me to this place so I could meet her... I'm sure of it."

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." Vanille mumbled into Fang's shoulder, letting her tears soak into Fang's scrubs.

"What are you apologizing for?" Fang knitted her eyebrows together and stroked Vanille's hair.

"I should have... should have gotten you help sooner..." Vanille sobbed into Fang and balled her hands into the material of Fang's shirt, feeling like she'd let her best friend down.

"Vanille... I'm not..." Fang stopped and sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to convince her with words, "I'll show you." Fang stood up, pulling Vanille with her who tried desperately to wipe the tears from her eyes before anyone else saw her crying.

"Where are we going?" Vanille asked as she let Fang pull her out of the room and down the hall. When Fang didn't respond, Vanille probed again. "Fang?" Fang tugged at Vanille's small hand leading her down a large hall towards Lightning's office. Vanille scanned her surroundings, noting all the doctor's offices lining the corridor and made a face. "Are we allowed to be here?"

"Relax. It's just down here." Fang grinned back at her smaller companion. She pulled her past Dr. Gaider's windowed office and around the corner to where she had been brought the day before, coming up in front of the familiar door. It was closed and the blinds along the windows were drawn so Fang knocked on the door, not wanting to intrude on Lightning if she happened to be in the middle of a session.

Fang waited a moment but when no one answered, she knocked again. Vanille gave Fang a concerned look. Her little heart was racing with anxiety, dreading the moment Fang would realize that Lightning wasn't there. "Fang... Come on. Let's go." She tugged at Fang's hand, trying to lead her back down the way they had come, but Fang didn't budge.

"Hey, Lightnin'." Fang knocked again, placing her ear closer to the door, "You in there?" She furrowed her brow when there was no response.

"Fang, don't." Vanille pleaded as Fang reached for the door knob and pushed the door open.

Fang's heart jump started in her chest into a panic. The room was empty. The lights were off, the large book shelves that lined the walls the day before were gone, the desk that sat in the middle of the room, was instead a vacant space. Fang dropped Vanille's hand and slowly walked into the room, her eyebrows knitted together in fear and confusion. "I... don't understand..."

The room still smelled of rich mahogany and Fang recognized the shape of the room. It was the same room, she was sure of it, but now it looked as though it had never been used. Vanille stood in the doorway, wringing her hands together as she watched Fang slowly take in the empty space. Vanille's throat felt dry and she didn't know what to say.

"But... it was right here... She was _here_." Fang mumbled quietly to herself, as she touched one of the vacant walls. She turned her gaze to the door, noting that the small plaque that had adorned the room with the words "Dr. Farron" the day before, was gone. She felt her hand start to shake involuntarily.

Suddenly, she felt as though she might throw up. Her stomach twisted and turned violently and the blood seemed to rush from her limbs, leaving them feeling numb. "I... I..." Her voice failed her and she turned her confused eyes to Vanille who watched her with deep concern. Fang shook her head ever so slightly in confusion.

It had all been right there the day before. Large book shelves, lined with hundreds of books, a pristine chaise chair, a large wooden desk... the tiny white chocobo figurine. She had been sure of it. How could it be gone? Her breathing was shallow and fast as her mind raced. She couldn't have imagined it all, could she? How could that be possible? She had been so close to the woman. Had seen the very pattern of blues in her eyes... She couldn't have imagined it all in such clarity...

Fang's eyes started to water and she bit back the churning in her stomach. Sheran both hands through her hair, gripping at it in an attempt to get a grip on reality. She looked pleadingly at Vanille, her eyes begging for Vanille to help her understand. "Fang..." Vanille softly called out to her.

"... The... Thorazine..." Fang shook her head in disbelief... It couldn't have worked that fast... She'd only taken her first dose the night before. She'd only taken it to prove to Lightning that her memories were real, and now Lightning was _gone_... "I shouldn't have taken the thorazine... Vanille..." She shook her head, scared and disbelieving that it had all been ripped away from her so soon. "Vanille, I... I shouldn't have..."

Vanille took the few steps needed to close the gap between them, and pulled Fang into her arms. She clung tight to the taller girl, as Fang rubbed a hand across her eyes to keep herself from breaking into tears. "Vanille... She was here... I was _sure_ of it." She heard her own voice crack as Vanille held her "It was her... I don't understand..."

The two stood in the empty room for what felt like an eternity as Vanille tried to silently console her broken friend. She held tight to Fang and let Fang tremble as she processed her reality. The guilt bubbled deep in Vanille's stomach. She'd known of Fang's delusions since they were small children and always figured she would grow out of it. She kicked herself for not knowing better. Fang would spend hours drawing Lightning, or writing about memories she had had of the woman. The pages would be weighted down with thick ink by the time Fang would finally go to bed. It was clear that Fang wasn't okay. She had needed help long before she was committed and now Vanille worried that it was too late to help her. A small part of her hoped this reality check would kick off a recovery for Fang, but seeing how much it hurt her, and how Fang had dealt with it before, her fears far outweighed her hopes. Not knowing what to do, Vanille simply pressed her cheek into Fang's shoulder and held her tightly.

Fang balled her hands into Vanille's shirt and clung to her like a lifeline. If this was her reality, Lightning had been torn away from her and Vanille was all she had left. She buried her face into Vanille's shoulder and took in her familiar scent, trying to calm her firing nerves. "She was here, Vanille..." Fang let out quietly. "She listened to my heart beat..."

Vanille squeezed tighter around Fang before pulling back to look Fang in the eyes. They were clouded over, cold and vacant; the eyes of someone who was ready to give up. "It's gonna be okay, Fang. I have you." Vanille pressed her temple to Fang's jaw and rocked the taller woman gently from side to side as she glanced around the empty room and grimaced. "Come on... Lets get you out of here..." Vanille pulled away from the hug and lead Fang back out of the room, holding tightly to one of Fang's cold, blood drained hands. She made sure to squeeze it just enough along the way so that Fang would feel her support and care, but Fang was numb. Her emotions had shut down in a bid to protect her from any more heartache, and the small gesture went unnoticed.

As Vanille lead her back towards the common room, Fang pulled away and turned into her room, opting to lay down on the bed and face the cold tiled walls. Vanille stood by the cot, wringing her hands, unsure of how to help her friend. After a silent minute, she sat on the side of the bed and placed a hand onto Fang's arm. "Fang?"

"I just want to be alone." Fang managed to get out between her numbing thoughts.

She'd always been this strong force of nature in Vanille's eyes, and now, curled up on her small bed, Fang looked like an abandoned puppy left out in the cold. Vanille let out a painful sigh. "I... don't know if that's such a good idea..." Vanille cautiously worded.

"... Someone comes by the check on me every ten minutes." Any spirit Fang showed earlier had clearly been taken away and all that was left was an empty, confused shell.

Vanille didn't say anything but stayed by Fang's side for another half hour, simply rubbing circles onto the girl's shoulder as Fang stared at the wall, too lost in her numbness to care or even acknowledge Vanille's attempts to comfort her. Eventually Vanille stopped but left her warm hand on Fang's arm. She leaned over, kissing Fang lightly on the temple. "Are you going to be okay?"

Fang furrowed her brow slightly before placing her own hand over Vanille's. "I'm not going to leave you, Van... I just..." She sighed and shook her head but didn't continue. Instead she pulled her hand back in front of her and continued to stare at the wall.

Vanille bit her lip and gave Fang a warm, draping hug. "I'll leave you alone... You call me when you're up to it, okay?" Fang nodded weakly. Vanille paused before standing up, afraid that giving Fang the space she wanted might be a mistake. "I love you, Fang." Vanille's voice quivered slightly over the words.

"I love you too, Vanille."

Vanille pursed her lips. "Please call me later?"

"Yeah."

Vanille paused again by the door, afraid to leave. Eventually she turned from the door and into the hall, stopping briefly to talk to a tech who was going up and down the corridor doing checks. She asked him to keep an extra careful watch on Fang for her and he gave her a sincere, understanding smile in return, helping put her a little more at ease.

Fang laid in bed silently for hours, well into the afternoon. Her mind preoccupied with painful thoughts. She admonished herself for ever having taken the thorazine, and then for ever letting herself believe that Lightning was real in the first place. People had been telling her her entire life that Lightning wasn't real and yet she refused to believe it. She had been so sure.

She furrowed her brow in thought. If Lightning wasn't real, who had she been talking to the day before? Did she even really take the thorazine? How was she supposed to know what was real and what wasn't? Her head was starting to hurt and she pressed a palm to her temple, finally rolling over. She stared at the ceiling a moment, silently thankful that the heartache had numbed her so she wouldn't have to deal with all the pain at once. It was far too much to take in. Everything she knew had been a lie. How would she go on after this? Even if she finally came to terms with it, she would have to start living all over. She groaned and hit her temple with her palm a couple times, trying to free her mind of the thoughts. She didn't want to deal with any of it. She wanted to be able to fall asleep and forget what she'd seen.

She pulled an arm across her eyes and laid motionless until her stomach started to growl and she could no longer deny herself a meal. She eventually pulled herself from her bed and slowly wondered the halls back towards the cafeteria. Doris gave her a sandwich with a small side of raw vegetables and Fang picked at the food for the better part of an hour, ignoring the techs that gave her concerned looks. She'd yet to see Miss. Read and assumed that either she had the day off, or she was another delusion. At the time, it paled in comparison to her new reality concerning Lightning, so she didn't dwell on it. She simply hoped that she'd be able to go to sleep and in the morning, lose herself to delusions once again. Completely forgetting about what she had experienced earlier.

She glanced across the cafeteria to see George, ranting on and on to one of the other patients who was trying to eat. He was animated in his speech, clearly still lost in his own delusions and Fang found herself envying him, something she never thought she would find herself thinking. She poked at her sandwich, realizing that in the hour she'd sat to eat, she'd only taken two bites. Her stomach still ached to be filled, but her mind simply couldn't muster the will to silence it. So she stood from her seat, leaving the tray and food on the table and wondered towards the common room, ignoring the other patients in the room.

She found her way to an empty small sofa facing the TV and sat down. She stared at the TV, noting the fact that the other patients had chosen to watch the nature channel. She stared at it, but didn't really watch it. It all felt too surreal to her. Life somehow continued on, even there as her entire world was crashing down around her. Each minute seemed to drag on and Fang found herself more and more vacant by the moment but snapped to attention when she heard her name.

"Fang?" The familiar voice called to her over the humming of the TV and Fang furrow her brow as she looked up in confusion.

"...How?" Fang looked lost and confused as Lightning crouched down in front of her.

"It' time for your session. Are you ready?"

Fang simply stared at her in disbelief and shook her head lightly. "I don't... understand."

Lightning knitted her eyebrows in confusion. "What don't you understand?"

Fang's words escaped her as she let herself take in the woman in front of her. She was so close she could detect her light scent. Her eyes were just as vibrant as she recalled from the day before. Even the collar on her doctor's coat was popped in typical Lightning fashion. Fang shook her head lightly, refusing to buy into the fantasy just yet and risking the pain again. "But... You're not... real."

Lightning cocked a brow. "Fang...? Are you okay? Have you taken anything today?" Concern was clear in her voice as she searched Fang's eyes for answers. The woman in front of Lightning looked so empty compared to the woman she'd met the day before. She looked lost.

Fang didn't say anything for a moment. She felt her hand shake as she gently reached out and touched Lightning's own hand, shocked when flesh met actual flesh. She very cautiously traced her fingers along the soft and familiar skin noting it's warmth. The touch was soft, and careful, as if Fang was afraid if she was too eager, Lightning's hand would disappear.

Lightning watched on confused and swallowed when she felt a tingle run through her body at the soft touch. She glanced around the room nervously to see if anyone had noticed but realized that everyone else was too preoccupied with their TV show to notice their exchange. Going out on a limb, Lightning turned her hand palm up, allowing Fang to trace her palm. She watched as the woman tried to affirm her very existence through the soft touches and felt her own heart ache slightly out of sympathy. She sucked her teeth a second longer as Fang's shaky touch became a soft grip on her hand. Fang's eyes never left Lightning's hand, watching to make sure it wouldn't vanish under her touch.

"Fang?" Finally Fang looked back up, catching Lightning's concerned gaze. "Come on... I think we have a lot to talk about."


	6. Chapter 6

Fang followed after Lightning, feeling as though she were following a ghost. Even though she had touched her and felt her warm skin on her finger tips, she had spent the entire morning believing she'd really imagined her. To have it turned around once again so quickly, Fang was apprehensive. She watched Lightning's strong strides down the hallway with rapt attention, looking for some indication that she was hallucinating but found none. The sound of Lightning's feet on the hard tiles, her scent in the air, the very way she carried herself, it was all familiar. It was mirrored with everything she'd ever remembered about Lightning, but now it was all there in front of her.

"How did you sleep last night?" Lightning asked slowing her pace slightly to walk next to Fang, curious to know just what had caused Fang's drastic mood change.

"Umm... good?" Fang gave Lightning a curious and almost skeptical look. Her heart wanted to believe it was really her, but her mind was waiting for the woman in front of her to vanish like a fading memory. "They gave me some kind of sleeping pill."

Lightning nodded, "Did you take your thorazine?"

Fang grimaced at the mention of the medicine but nodded anyway as she scanned Lightning up and down, analyzing her as they walked. She had to resist the urge to reach out and touch her again. To verify the existence of her body again. She bit her lip at the temptation.

Fang took in a few deep breaths, calming her nerves. They rounded the corner past Dr. Gaider's office and Fang stopped in front of Lightning's office door once again, weary of touching it. Lightning stopped walking when she noticed Fang was no longer next to her. She turned to see Fang had stopped a few paces back and was almost glaring at the door in front of her.

"Fang?"

Fang looked up at the mention of her name and furrowed her brow, noticing Lightning had meant to pass by the door completely. "But..." Fang pointed to the door in confusion.

Lightning gave a small knowing nod, "Right. Actually, Doctor Grayson retired the other day and it was decided I could have his old office."

Fang stared at her a moment longer. "What?"

Lightning quirked a brow at the question. "It's... just down the hall." Fang continued to stare at her. "...Are you okay?" Lightning quirked her head to the side slightly.

"It just... moved?"

"Yeah. Um... I'm still unpacking boxes so I hope you don't mind the clutter."

Fang continued to stare at her and then back to the door. "It just moved..."

Lightning furrowed her eyebrows in concern. "Fang... What's going on?"

Fang looked back to her, still slightly dubious of her existence. "I... came by this morning and everything was gone."

Lightning frowned in sympathy. "I'm sorry. I should have left a note on the door."

"But... you are real?"

Lightning let her mouth open as if to start talking but paused a moment, noticing how truly lost Fang looked. "Yeah... Fang. Yeah, I'm real." She understood then why Fang had needed to touch her hand earlier. The woman must have thought she'd really gone mad after finding her empty office and Lightning kicked herself mentally for having caused it.

"I thought..." Fang shook her head and swallowed, looking right into Lightning's eyes. "I thought the thorazine had kicked in and that I had just... been imagining you..."

Lightning bit her lip softly and gently reached her hand out again to Fang, palm up. Fang apprehensively reached for it again and shivered at the warm sensation on her fingertips. "I'm here, Fang." Lightning grimaced slightly at the feeling of Fang's hand shaking as it became flush against her own. "I'm sorry..."

Fang let a meek smile cross her lips and she shook her head. "My best friend thinks I'm crazy now." She managed out a soft chuckle at the situation. "Well, still... She thinks I'm crazy still."

Lightning nodded, still feeling guilty about having put Fang through unneeded pain. She didn't quite know what to say. The thought to leave a note hadn't even crossed her mind. Most times her patients were escorted to her office by a member of the staff, she didn't think that one of them would have sought her out on their own. "My apologies, Fang. I..." she furrowed her brow in sympathy, "I made a mistake... I hope that I haven't lost your trust."

Fang looked up from their hands and into Lightning's eyes, somewhat surprised by Lightning's gentle apology. It wasn't out of character for Lightning to apologize, but she was generally against the idea. The compassion no doubt came from the profession. Dealing with fragile minds, she would have needed to learned quickly how to adjust to their needs.

"No..." Fang shook her head adamantly. "No, of course not. It's just..." Fang gave Lightning's hand one last squeeze to reassure herself before apprehensively letting go. "I'm relieved."

Lightning took a moment longer to study Fang. A typical characteristic of schizophrenia was a lack of emotional expression, but in the couple times Lightning had spent any time around Fang, it was very clear that Fang was very expressive. It Didn't negate the diagnosis completely, but Lightning made a mental note of it, regardless. Finally she nodded her head again before continuing on down the hall. She pulled open a frosted door and lead Fang inside. Fang was immediately hit by the familiar smell of Lightning's mahogany book shelves and breathed it in deeply. The smell was comforting. The shelves had been set up again along the walls, and Lightning's books were still in the process of being moved from their boxes and back into their places. Fang couldn't help the small smile that crept up on her upon seeing the small white chocobo figurine once again situated on the corner of Lightning's desk.

"If it's too messy, we can take this elsewhere." Lightning offered.

"No, I like it." Fang smiled. Simply seeing the familiar objects again felt reassuring. Finally her nerves had started to calm down, her anxiety slipping away.

"Take a seat."

Fang did as she was told and sat down in front of Lightning's desk as the doctor circled around back and took her own seat. Lightning took a second to pull Fang's file from a small pile on her desk, opening it and laying it on top of the desk.

"How are you feeling?"

Fang gave a small smile, "Better than I was five minutes ago."

Lightning nodded still feeling the residual guilt. "You're blood tests came back clear so we can rule out drugs or other medical causes of your symptoms." Lightning said as she read over Fang's file silently in her head. "Unfortunately," Lightning paused looking up from the folder, "That does tend to lead us back towards psychosis."

Fang nodded in understanding and pursed her lips. She didn't feel the need to argue. Lightning wouldn't be convinced by words, but Fang was hopeful that eventually the doctor would realize that Fang's memories were a reality.

"I'd like to give you a quick test to check your current awareness, if you don't mind?"

"I don't mind."

"Right." Lightning took a sheet of paper and handed Fang a pencil. "Could you draw me a clock, and label the numbers one through twelve on it for me?"

Fang raised an eyebrow but pulled the pencil and paper to her. It had been a couple days since she had held a pencil, and it felt good to hold the familiar object again. Fang quickly drew a circle and labeled the clock as Lightning watched curiously.

Fang placed the pencil down and slid the paper back towards Lightning noticing the doctor's brow furrow slightly. "What's wrong?"

Lightning looked up from the page and regarded Fang with a curious look. "Nothing. You have a very high awareness."

Fang raised a brow, "Is that strange?"

Lightning nodded slightly. "It is, actually. Most patients suffering from some form of psychosis tend to lump the numbers together... It's usually quite hectic."

Fang let out a chuckle. "Maybe it's not psychosis?"

Lightning made a small face. Fang showed a lot of signs of someone who suffered from schizophrenia. Delusions, strange ideations, an occasional flight of ideas, but Fang's awareness and affect seemed to be equal to any healthy adult. "Why don't you keep this." Lightning slid the paper back. "I'd like you to draw as we talk." Art was always a window into the minds of her patients. Many of those suffering from schizophrenia had wild imaginations. They drew strange, often frightening creatures. Monsters with no eyes, or two heads, fish with human legs, sometimes, very religious images in those suffering from paranoia. Most often they were things the patient had personally witnessed in their delusions. She wanted to see just what Fang would draw.

"What do you want me to draw?" Fang asked, picking up the pencil again and turning the paper over and onto a small clipboard Lightning handed to her.

"Anything you want."

"Anything?"

"Anything. It won't leave this room. You can express yourself however you wish."

Fang nodded and smiled slightly. Anyone who knew her for any length of time would know exactly what Fang would draw and she immediately started to sketch on the piece of paper as Lightning continued.

"I'd like you to tell me about these memories of yours. When did they start?"

Fang knitted her eyebrows slightly as she tried to concentrate on her drawing, but also answer Lightning's questions. "Um... I don't know that they ever had a defined starting point... As far as I know, they've always been there. I didn't realize that anything was strange about it until I was about six or seven, and realized no one else had memories like I did."

Lightning nodded. "Can you describe them? How detailed are they?"

Fang stayed silent for a second as she concentrated her efforts onto the paper. "They're... I don't know. It varies. Some of them are intense and vivid and detailed. Other's are fuzzy or too mundane to really remember clearly... They feel like any other memory. It... actually can get really confusing sometimes. It's hard to know what I've experienced in this life and what I've experienced in another."

Lightning furrowed her brow slightly. "How do you keep track of your... current reality?"

Fang laughed slightly, "Agh... with notes? It's usually in the early morning that it's hardest to remember. Like waking up from a groggy dream and having to take a minute to gather your surroundings." Fang's pencil paused as she turned her attention back to the doctor, trying to focus on how to describe it accurately. "My current reality is... more defined than my other little memories. It has a flow... a consistency that my other memories don't. The other memories are like... little snippets in time. Like thinking back on a good day, but with no context about what lead to that day. Does that make sense?"

"I think so." Lightning nodded and Fang went back to her drawing as Lightning made a few notes on a pad of paper. "What are most of the memories about?"

Fang gave a small smile but didn't take her eyes away from her work. "You."

Lightning sucked her teeth for a second. "Are they always about me?"

Fang made a face, "No... but I remember the ones with you better."

Lightning nodded again, "Would you like to tell me about some of them?"

Fang glanced up from her paper and smiled. Apprehension washed over Lightning when she saw the adoration in Fang's eyes but she didn't say anything. "You know the billow trees just beyond the Vallis Media? The ones on the plateau?"

"The ones that look like rising smoke?"

"Yeah." Fang smiled and put her pencil back to her paper as she talked. "We would spend hours up in those trees at night. Relaxing in the thick leaves, staring up at Cocoon... I'd teach you about the constellations and you'd pretend like you were interested but really you just took the opportunity to sleep on my shoulder. You'd ask me to tell you some big story about one the constellations and half way through my story, you'd be fast asleep. " Fang chuckled slightly at the memory. "You always said you liked the sound of my voice."

Lightning arched a brow at the story. She couldn't picture herself sleeping on anyone's shoulder. Fang had already demonstrated that she knew certain things about Lightning, but Lightning was pretty sure she wasn't the cuddly type. She'd admit that Fang was attractive and had... a nice voice, but that wouldn't be enough to get Lightning to cuddle. It amounted as more proof to the doctor that Fang was suffering delusions of misidentification, and seeing the small smile on Fang's lips, Lightning started to worry that Fang would be heartbroken when she realized Lightning couldn't be what she wanted her to be.

Lightning sucked her teeth for a minute, "Please continue."

Fang bit her lip and glanced up at Lightning from time to time, taking her in as she sketched. "I have... memories that span back thousands of years... We've met in so many different realities. We've lead tribes together. We almost never understood each other, " Fang chuckled, "But we were still drawn together."

"Tribes?" Lightning asked, raising her brows. Surely Fang could see how impossible her own memories were, but Fang didn't flinch.

"Yeah. Thousands of years before people ever inhabited Cocoon... You wore white feathers on your shoulders, and had... tales of my people. You thought we were wolves." Fang laughed. "I guess I can see why. We were a frightening bunch. Faces painted in red, haphazard pelts. We domesticated wolves."

"You don't find any of this odd?" Lightning asked.

Fang shook her head. "Like I said. I have memories spanning almost all the eras... Some of them are mundane, some are almost fanciful. You ruled your own kingdom once, you know?"

Lightning made a face. Fang was well spoken and had a very high awareness. How could she not see how nonsensical all of this was? Fang caught Lightning's grimace when she glanced up from her picture.

"Look... I know it sounds crazy but... it's what I remember. Your kingdom was at war with Gran Pulse. I was given as a peace offering and your father put me in charge of your protection. A way to show trust I guess. Eventually you took over your father's thrown."

Lightning didn't say anything and tried not to let her incredulity show. Instead she watched Fang as she sketched. "Why don't you tell me about some of the more mundane ones?"

Fang let out an amused puff of air. "What? Like waking up with you in the morning?"

"If that's what you want to talk about."

Fang grinned, "Contrary to popular belief, I'm almost always up before you. If you don't have to get up, you just... don't."

Lightning could almost feel herself blush. She'd give Fang that one. She was pretty bad on her days off. Serah would tell her they needed a thirteenth hour on the clock so that Lightning could be up before noon.

"I loved those days though... I could spoon you for hours. We'd lay in bed late into the afternoon and only get up once the hunger got to be too much. It was almost tradition. Almost every reality had those days." Fang smiled, "Then we'd destroy the kitchen, trying to cook something and when that didn't work out, we'd have steak."

"I cook a mean behemoth steak." Lightning said absent mindedly with a small smile.

"I know." Fang's soft smile shook Lightning for a split second causing her to look away. She realized how easily the comfortable line had escaped her mouth, and immediately regretted it. The last thing she wanted to do was to make Fang think she was interested in anything more than a professional relationship. The love and adoration clear in Fang's voice, this wasn't just a fantasy to her.

Lightning frowned in sympathy. Fang didn't hide her love for her, she wore it proudly on her sleeve like a badge of honour. If Fang truly believed these memories, than she must believe they would be together again in her current reality. Lightning felt a deep guilt pooling in her stomach, she didn't want to give Fang any false hope. Lightning cleared her throat in an attempt to wash away the casual comfort and bring them back.

Fang took the hint and continued. If the small brushing-off effected her, she didn't let it show. "Serah would joke that we needed a thirteen hour clock with how long we'd stay in bed."

Lightning stiffened at Fang's words. She'd mirrored Lightning's own thoughts just moments ago and she loathed to admit that it made her uncomfortable. She winced slightly to herself and rubbed lightly at her temple.

"You have a headache?" Fang stopped her pencil on the page, noticing Lightning rubbing lightly at her temple.

"Huh?" Lightning stopped her ministrations.

"You're rubbing your temple and squinting... You... do that whenever you get a headache."

Lightning hadn't actually noticed the slight throbbing in her head until Fang mentioned it and furrowed her brow.

"You okay?"

"Yeah..." Lightning didn't acknowledge Fang's accuracy and instead, changed the subject. Lightning still didn't know how it was Fang knew the things she knew about her, but she hoped that her art would be a window into her mind. "Can I see what you've been working on?"

Fang pursed her lips before putting down her pencil and handing the clip board to her doctor. Lightning knitted her eyebrows together as she scanned it over and Fang swallowed somewhat nervously.

"Is this... us?" Lightning asked as her eyes scanned over the pencil drawing.

"In the billow trees." Fang confirmed.

The picture was quite well done for something so quickly drawn. Light detailing and differing line weights brought the picture to life on the page. She had depicted the two of them, sitting together in the pillowy leaves of a billow tree, as Fang with one arm outstretched, pointed out into the sky. It wasn't what lightning was expecting. She'd never seen a patient draw something so... precise. Everything she'd ever seen a schizophrenic draw had been closer to an acid trip than a realistic depiction of reality.

"You're... very good." Lightning admitted, never letting her eyes leave the page. The Lightning in the drawing, looked just like her, a small smile on her face as she looked off to wherever it was Fang was pointing. Her hair seemed to be dancing about in the winds. Lightning could feel the guilt in her stomach again.

"I've had a lot of practice... Do you like it?"

Lightning glanced up from the paper, seeing the hopeful look on Fang's face. She couldn't lie. It was a beautiful picture. She nodded and turned her attention back to the picture. She stared at it a moment longer, feeling her vision start to blur. She once again placed her fingers to her temple before putting down the picture. "Why don't we call it a day?"

Fang stood with one hand placed on the tiled wall near reception as she waited for Vanille to pick up her phone. She tapped her fingers next to the black phone on the wall as it rang and she tried desperately to ignore the woman on the phone next to hers who was crying, asking someone named "Bubba" to come and pick her up.

The phone had barely rang twice before Vanille picked up, "Fang?" She was apprehensive, the memory of what had happened earlier still fresh in her mind. She hadn't stopped thinking about it since she'd gotten back to their apartment.

"Hey, Van." Fang smiled at hearing her voice, excited to tell her about the mix up.

"How are you feeling?" Vanille's voice came out small, afraid that she might break Fang all over again.

Fang stifled a small laugh. "Vanille. Don't freak out, okay?"

"Fang?" Fang's warning only served to worry her more.

"It just moved. Her office. It just moved. Some old guy retired and she got his office." Fang grinned and waited for a response but the line stayed quiet. Vanille didn't know what to say, but the silence said more than she could have with words anyway. Fang shook her head. "I'm serious. She's really here. She's got the pink hair, the clear blue eyes, the voice. I swear it's her."

"Fang..." Vanille clearly didn't believe her still.

"I know you think I'm crazy. I get it. I thought I was too, but this is... I can't wait for you to meet her."

"This... isn't healthy, Fang..."

Fang sighed slightly. "Look... don't worry about me tonight, okay? You don't have to believe me now, but I'll prove it to you tomorrow."

"You... " Fang could hear Vanille sniffle on the phone.

"Vanille... It's okay! I'm okay! Really... You don't have to worry."

There was a pause on the other side of the phone before Vanille spoke up. "You're going to get hurt again."


	7. Chapter 7

Vanille entered the hospital the next morning with hesitation. Her stomach had been tied in knots ever since she had visited Fang the day before, and knowing Fang had stepped back into her delusions didn't help her anxiety any. She stopped in front of the front desk and bounced lightly on her toes, eager to see her friend, and make sure she was okay. After a short wait, the receptionist from the day before greeted her with a friendly smile.

"Back again already?" The receptionist asked, a warm smile on her lips as she filed away some folders that had been placed on her desk by a passing nurse.

"Of course!" Vanille forced a chipper tone into her voice that stood out in the rather professional and quiet entrance. "A promise is a promise."

The receptionist smiled again and handed Vanille a clipboard and a pen. "I'll just need you to sign in and you can go on in."

Vanille smiled sweetly, taking the clipboard as she started to jot down her name and the time she arrived.

"She seemed to be in a much better mood, last I saw her." The receptionist added as she watched the young girl scribble onto the form.

"Yeah, she called me last night... She was... " Vanille huffed not finding the right words and pursed her lips to keep herself from frowning. She glanced up from the form in her hands in order to word her thoughts but something else caught her attention and her former thoughts were immediately forgotten. Slowly, her mouth opened and hung in the silence as she watched a pink haired doctor leaf through one of the filing cabinets off to the side. She made a face of pure disbelief before her mouth caught up with her brain. "Lightning Farron!?"

The doctor jumped at the outburst, turning to the front desk where she had heard her name called. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion as she pinpointed the source, not recognizing the young woman. "I'm sorry?"

"No no no! You're not real! You _can't_ be real!" Vanille dropped the clipboard down onto the receptionists desk with a clatter. Fang had told her over and over again that Lightning Farron was real, but there was not a single cell in her body that had actually believed her. Even now with the fabled woman standing in front of her, Vanille was apprehensive to believe it. She certainly looked just like the woman Fang had been recreating over the years in her art, but how could that even be possible?

Lightning's eyebrows raised in a realization as she cocked her head, " _Another_ one?"

"Oh maker... " Vanille wrung her hands together in a mixture of excitement and fear, "Please tell me your name isn't Lightning."

"Um... technically It's... not. It's Cl-"

"Claire Farron?" Lightning stepped back, glancing between Vanille and the receptionist who seemed to share Lightning's concerned look. "But you aren't real..." Vanille's mouth hung open as she seemed to go over everything in her mind. Eyes darting back and forth in confusion and awe. "If you're real, then... wow..." Vanille left her mouth hanging open as her mind recalled everything Fang had ever told her. Every time Fang had mentioned some small anecdote about their past lives, or some small detail that she... just shouldn't have known about. Every moment that Vanille had tried to tell Fang that she was wrong, and that she was making things up. Had _everything_ Fang had told her been true? How could this at all be possible? If this was true... then Fang really had known Vanille in alternate realities. "And I doubted her..." Vanille let out softly to herself.

Lightning took a cautious step forward, ducking her head ever so slightly to catch Vanille's eyes. Vanille glanced up, looking like a dear caught in the headlights. "Wait here, please." The small girl took off out the doors without another word leaving Lightning and the receptionist to look at each other in confusion.

* * *

Throwing her keys on the couch, Vanille ran to Fang's bedroom and threw open the door. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the desk that Fang had set up in the corner of the room. It was a mess of papers, and artistic mediums. There were black smudges along the desks surface where Fang had gotten a little carried away with her charcoal and dozens of different types of pencils strewn about the loose papers. Next to the desk, a few cardboard boxes overflowed with papers.

Every night Fang would sit and draw or write down something she remembered from a past reality, determined to keep some form of physical records. Vanille had always assumed that they were all made up. That everything Fang had attributed to her memories were either delusions, or an over active imagination. She'd actually been annoyed that Fang had spent so much of her free time entertaining the ideas and would even go so far as to say she loved Fang in spite of the strange behaviour.

Vanille ran a finger along one of the papers that sat on top of the boxes, suddenly feeling years worth of guilt come crashing down on her. Never once had she actually believed Fang. She'd never taken her seriously, never even given her musings the time of day since they'd turned twelve. Vanille had outgrown the wild fantasies that Fang had regaled her with while Fang never did.

_"Yeah, and when the wyvern circled under the bridge I jumped onto it's back and I rode it over the village! I thought I might die! It was amazing, Vanille! Everyone was watching! The thing had been eating our livestock for months and no one had the guts to attack it head on. Everyone thought I was crazy, but I proved myself that day. I brought it down right into the village square with my spear. I took a nasty spill when I crashed, but I was alright. You nursed me back to health while the elders scolded me for being so reckless. That entire week, you slipped me your flan puddings from dinner."_

The memory came back in a flash. She could still remember the way Fang's young voice had sounded when she had first told her that story. When they were younger, Vanille had absolutely loved Fang's stories. She'd thought Fang was the best story teller, and had an imagination to match. Never once had it crossed her mind that Fang might have actually been telling the truth.

_"You had fourteen pet sheep once. You named them all and you could even tell them apart just by the noises they made. You would spend most of your day in their pen. If you weren't in the village, you were sleeping with the sheep out in the fields. A bear started coming around and stressing out the sheep. It almost got little Carbuncle and you were set on getting revenge. Everyone thought that you would cry when you killed the thing, but you didn't. You were so proud of yourself for saving your family of sheep."_

Vanille swallowed hard. She'd never believed a word of it.

_"You're a lot like your mom, y'know? Same eyes, same hair. She was just as full of life as you are. She'd had all these cute little nicknames for you, too. Pumpkin spice, Chocobo toe , Vanilla bean. She thought the absolute world of you. Every time. She would stay up late when ever you had a nightmare and stroke your hair to calm you down... That's where I learned that trick. From your mom. She'd be really proud to see you now."_

Vanille felt the tears prickling at her eyes. Fang had told her about her parents on numerous occasions when they were smaller. She'd claimed to have known them in past lives, and while Vanille knew Fang had never met them, her younger mind took some comfort in Fang's words. It wasn't until she had gotten a little older and started to reject Fang's stories that the comfort in those stories had started to fade, and turned into something closer to ire. She'd had a bad day at the orphanage one day and Fang had tried to comfort her with another story about her parents and she yelled at Fang, actually yelled at her, to never speak about her parents again... And she hadn't. Fang had never spoken about Vanille's parents since.

Vanille's stomach churned violently. What wonderful tales had she missed out on because of her bitterness? What knowledge did Fang hold? She fingered the pages again lightly. "I'm sorry, Fang. I'll help make things right." Licking her lips, Vanille started to gather as much of the documents as she could. She had let Fang down once again, but this time she wasn't going to sit around and do nothing. She still didn't understand it, but she was ready to believe.

* * *

About an hour later, Vanille returned, scrambling through the doors to the hospital with cardboard boxes and papers clutched in her hands. "Where did she go?"

The receptionist raised her eyebrows as she watched the small girl try to hold onto everything in her small hands. "Doctor Farron?" She asked to be clear. Vanille nodded her head, hiking the boxes up as they slowly started to slip from her grip. "Her office is down the hall, take a right at D wing and it's at the end of the hall." The confused expression never left her face as Vanille said her thanks and made her way down the hall with her items.

Lightning sat in her office, Fang's file in hand, reading it over and over again, trying to make sense of it. She went over everything they had talked about the day before, and jotted down extra notes. She wasn't really sure where to start exactly. Fang exhibited many traits of psychosis, but also traits that would prove to most professional healthcare providers the exact opposite. She would entertain these wild fantasies, but have no problem identifying to the world she was living in. The only conclusion that made sense in light of everything, was that what Fang had explained to her was real. But that in itself was impossible and again brought Lightning back to square one.

How Fang kept her delusions separate from her reality didn't make sense either. Patients suffering from psychosis could rarely tell the difference but the only time her delusions seeped into her reality was where Lightning was concerned, but her "delusions" were far too close to home for the doctor to entirely write them off. The woman knew so much about her. She couldn't have known half the things she told Lightning without actually knowing Lightning better than her own sister knew her. Maybe even better than Lightning knew herself. Lightning felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickle lightly at the thought.

Then there was the matter of the young woman the receptionist informed her of as being Fang's friend, Vanille. She had reacted much the same way Fang had to her. Did she suffer from the same thing, or had Fang simply told her all about her? If Fang had, then either she had to be telling the truth, or she had to have been stalking Lightning for sometime. At least long enough to convince Vanille that what she was experiencing was something tangible.

Lightning groaned and rolled her eyes at herself. She reminded herself she had only talked to the woman twice and only briefly. She still had plenty of time to get to the bottom of it, so there was no point in trying to come to a conclusion yet. She relaxed herself and brought her cup of hot tea to her lips when someone knocked on her door and without waiting for a response, let themselves into her office. Lightning Farron stopped drinking her tea mid sip at the intrusion and set her mug down. "Most people would wait for a response before entering but please... come in." She said, keeping her composure despite all the confusion she was experiencing.

"You need to take a look at these." Vanille said dropping the boxes onto Lightning's desk, knocking various things onto the floor in the process.

Lightning raised an eyebrow but indulged the young girl. "What am I looking at here?" She said as she stood up, and looked over the boxes on her desk. They were falling apart and filled with loose pages, all haphazardly thrown in. The pages were so full of writing, the ink made them feel heavy as she pulled out a few loose ones from the top. She started to scan over one of the pages full of messy but distinct writing. The first thing she noticed was her own name. She knitted her eyebrows in confusion as she started to read. It was about her. A younger her.

_Lightning's father had been transferred to Oerba to help rebuild after the attack. That's where I met her. On the shore by the broken pillars of Anima. The pillars had cracked and fallen and laid in the shallow waters and that's where she sat, on a fallen pillar, feet dangling in the water. I was... immediately taken with her. Her rose hair was being blown about in the wind. We were 13 I think, but she was still the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. Lightning ignored me at first. I think she was still pissed that she had to move to Oerba. I kept at her though, offered to show her the ropes of fighting a gorgonopsid. I'd only just graduated to hunting gorgonopsid that week, and if I'm being honest, I think I just wanted to show off to her. I wanted her to like me. It took awhile to break down those pissed off walls, but when I did, we were inseparable. She'd spend almost every day out on the plains with me. We'd get in trouble for not helping with the rebuilding. I guess we were old enough to buckle down and help, but... we were in love. And love makes you stupid._

The doctor furrowed her brow at the paper. She flipped to another page and found more instances of her life, retold in different ways.

_She beat the shit out of him! It was incredible. Serah was begging her to stop but Lightning wouldn't let up. It was that protective-older-sister thing she has going on. She got us kick out of the concert, but it was worth it to see her in action. The moment that guy had placed a hand on Serah, Lightning was on him. She brought him to the ground in one fluid motion and within seconds his nose was broken. I think that was the moment I fell in love with her that time. Must be something wrong with me, but seeing her destroy a man really puts a smile on my face._

"Is this Fang's?" She looked up from the page she was currently scanning to see the young girl rifling through one of the boxes, pulling out old yellowed drawings and paintings.

"Fang... She made these." Vanille said handing them to Lightning. Lightning tentatively took them, placing the papers she had been reading down on her desk. She glanced to the young girl. She wouldn't admit it, but the whole thing was really putting her off guard. Vanille watched her eagerly, waiting for Lightning to look through the pictures.

Crude paintings of a girl with rose coloured hair covered each page, varying in age but clearly the same person. Lightning swallowed hard. She had no real way to explain it away. Each piece of paper was clearly old, yellowed with age. Fang had to have been at it for a very long time. There were dozens of portraits of her, maybe even hundreds through the boxes. She could even see how Fang's art had developed over the years.

There were hundreds of pages scribbled with notes in amongst the paintings and drawings, each holding their own little snippet of time on them. There were so many pieces of evidence in front of her that said Fang was telling the truth that Lightning could feel her heart rate pick up in her chest. She placed the artwork down and rested her palms flat against the desk and took a deep breath while scanning her eyes over everything in front of her.

"She's been drawing you since she could hold a crayon." Vanille said, looking at a picture in her hands before turning it to Lightning. It showed a very crude children's drawing of a young girl with pink hair holding hands with a young girl with wild dark hair in front of a square structure Lightning assumed to be a house. "We all thought you were her imaginary friend..." Vanille turned the picture back to herself so she could study it more.

"... This is..." Lightning muttered to herself. "How is this... possible? How does she know me?"

Vanille heard her but didn't respond. She didn't quite understand it herself, but for the first time, she actually believed her best friend. The guilt continued to prick at Vanille. Fang was her best friend, and yet all this time, she'd never truly taken her seriously. "She's in love with you, you know?"

Lightning closed her eyes and resisted the urge to laugh. "Yeah, I got that." She sighed and reached for another box, opened it and pulled out the first thing she saw. She remained stoic as she let her eyes fall over a photo of a young Fang, no more than six or seven, who stood proudly with her missing teeth and messy hair. She was showcasing one of her latest painting of Lightning for the photographer to take. It was a simple painting, but clearly made with love, though the paper itself was crinkled and torn. She flipped it over and found the words, "Fang draws her imaginary friend, Lightning, for show & tell." She sighed and pressed one hand to her forehead. There was no denying it anymore... Somehow, Fang really knew her.

She shook her head and almost laughed at the absurdity before slumping back into her chair. She was starting to feel like she should have one of the other doctors in the hospital take a look at her own head and just confirm that she had actually lost her mind.

"Are you okay?" Vanille asked, biting her lip, worried that maybe she shouldn't have brought these things before Claire "Lightning" Farron.

Lightning sighed and stared at the boxes on her desk. "I need to talk to Fang."

Vanille gave a hopeful smile, "Please don't hurt her. She really loves you."

Lightning glanced up to Vanille's innocent green eyes and felt herself frown softly, "I'm not going to hurt her..."

* * *

Lightning waited anxiously in her office alone. Vanille didn't want to interrupt fate and mess anything up so she told the doctor she would be waiting in the common room until she and Fang were finished. That left Lightning alone in the room with the boxes of her past selves.

She had read over a few more pages from the boxes, glancing over notes that described her in detail. Everything about her personality, accurate to a tee. There were things that described her favourite books, but they were books that she had never heard of. If Fang was telling the truth, then perhaps they were books that didn't exist in this world. There were passages about how they first met time and time again and how each time, they fell into an easy and comfortable relationship. There were even stories where Serah had been the one to set them up together that made Lightning laugh quietly to herself. There were also pages upon pages of heart ache that Lightning realized were Fang's musings on her current situation. Writings of being infatuated with someone who she wasn't sure was actually real and how it tore her up to be so in love with someone who wasn't even there, but felt so real. Lightning almost felt guilty for having been absent from Fang's life for so long, causing her pain. She realized it was beyond her control, but that didn't stop the guilt from prickling at her mind.

Lightning glanced at the clock on her wall, knowing that any minute Fang would be escorted to her office. She'd asked a tech to find her not long after Vanille had left her office, and now her heart was beating relentlessly with anticipation. Lightning didn't know what she should say to her. She believed her, the evidence was all there, even if she didn't understand it but she knew she couldn't be everything Fang wanted her to be. It was so one-sided. Fang was already in love with her, knew everything about her, and Lightning, she knew so little about the woman, she couldn't exactly promise her everlasting love. The most she could do was give her her understanding.

There was a rapping on her door and Lightning felt her heart jump at the sound. She sat up in her chair and glanced at all the boxes that still sat on the side of her desk. "Come in."

The door opened and Fang entered, a smile on her face when she saw Lightning sitting at her desk. Her smile faltered slightly upon seeing the boxes, recognizing them immediately. She stiffened and swallowed hard. She hadn't expect to see them there, and she wasn't sure where Lightning was on the subject of her mental state but she knew that the boxes made her look like an obsessed stalker.

"How uh- How did you get those?" Fang asked, trepidation betraying her normally confident composure. She slowly closed the door behind her with an audible click almost afraid to move.

Fang's body language didn't go unnoticed by Lightning. Her movements became calculated, and careful. Lightning wasn't expecting that reaction to the boxes and immediately pitied her. The doctor could almost see the way a million things crossed through Fang's mind when she saw them and it was clear it unnerved her.

Lightning made a motion to the chair across from her, hoping to smooth over Fang's fears. There was a silence in the room as Fang took her seat quietly, unsure of what to say. Lightning bit her lip not really sure where to start and ran a hand through her hair.

She looked Fang over taking in the woman's features. Her heart shaped face and smooth skin. Her wild hair that looked both simultaneously like she had just gotten out of bed but also like she had spent three hours styling it. Her intense and smoky eyes. She could actually see the genuine fear in her deep green eyes for the first time and realized that while Fang unnerved _her_ , she actually held more power over Fang than Fang did over her... She realized that a single sentence from her could crush the woman in font of her, and bring her to her knees. She felt her stomach churn at the idea.

Lightning licked her lips, and slowly and tentatively placed her hands over Fang's, feeling the warmth of the other woman's hands under hers. She met Fang's eyes and saw the fear dissolve into cautious curiosity. "... Tell me more about us."

* * *

Lightning stood near the door to the common room, her arms crossed against her chest as she watched Fang and Vanille on the far side of the room. The two girls had a lot to talk about after the day's events and Lightning couldn't help her curiosity, she had to be witness to the moment. There were so many questions left unanswered that it was all Lightning could think about. After her talk with Fang she'd set out to observe her and Vanille.

 _"I can't promise you anything, Fang."_ Lightning's own words echoed in her mind as she thought back to her brief conversation with Fang.

_"I know." Fang's voice didn't waver, but Lightning could see the smallest grimace pass her lips. "You... Believe me though, right?"_

_Lightning took a moment to answer but nodded in affirmation. "Yeah... I think I do." There was another pause. "How is this... possible?"_

_Fang shrugged softly. "I've been asking myself the same thing for years... Most I can tell, it's Etro's doing."_

_"How many... realities have you...?" Lightning didn't finish the sentence, unsure how to finish it._

_"I'm not really sure... Thousands? Maybe more? It's hard to say."_

_"...And we always meet?"_

_"Yeah. Always."_

"Yeah, and he was tall. He'd take you on hikes almost every week and you'd always end up on his shoulders by the end of it. You'd be pulling fruits off of the trees above you, collecting as much as you could to bring home. I think that's where you developed your love for nature. You were always a daddy's girl." Fang's voice brought Lightning's attention back to where her and Vanille relaxed on a small couch. Fang had propped her feet up on the coffee table in front of them while Vanille rested her head against Fang's chest, softly crying. She'd said her apologies and Fang had wrapped the girl up in a tight hug, placing a hand on the back of Vanille's head in a calming motion.

When Vanille had spilled out her first eager apology Fang was dumbstruck, but immediately pulled the small girl to her for a tight hug. Fang had lost hope that Vanille would ever actually believe her, and now that she did, a strange weight had lifted from her. She had felt herself loosen and relax. Her best friend in the world finally knew the truth, finally knew _her_. There was a catharsis in the revelation Fang hadn't expected and now the two sat comfortably as Fang once again regaled Vanille with stories of the parents she'd hardly known. But this time, Vanille believed every word. She let her tears flow freely onto Fang's scrubs. creating a wet spot that the two girls ignored.

"There was this one time when you're father took you fishing in Sulyya Springs and you caught Bismarck with your binding rod. It was amazing! Bismarck pulled you into the water and your father leapt in after you. Bismarck got away with your binding rod, but you were okay, thanks to your dad... You know he liked chocobos too?"

Vanille nodded against Fang's chest and gripped tighter at Fang's clothes, eager for more stories.

_"Fang... I'm... going to need some time to... process this...and to go through... that." Lightning had motioned to the overflowing cardboard boxes._

_"Of course."_

_"Could I schedule you for a CT scan?"_

_"Whatever you need, Light." Lightning swallowed at hearing the short-form name. It sounded nice coming from Fang._

_"Does is always end well for us?" Lightning couldn't help but ask._

_"No... Not always."_

 


	8. Chapter 8

Lightning leaned back in her chair, placing a hand absent mindedly against her lips as she read over one of the many documents Fang had written over the years. Ever since Vanille had dropped the box off at her office, she had spent hours pouring over the papers. Every moment of free time she dedicated to Fang's musings. The collection was full of stories, paintings, and personal thoughts that Fang had obsessed over documenting, as if she were afraid if she didn't jot it down, she might forget it. Now it was Lightning's obsession.

The notes were rushed and messy, disjointed and lacking any real form, but Lightning couldn't help but read them. This was the life Fang had lead her entire life. The woman had been haunted by Lightning, and Lightning, she didn't even know about Fang until she showed up at the hospital. It was surreal seeing what went through Fang's head on a daily basis. There was never a day that Fang didn't think about her. She craved her "imaginary friend" like she was her life blood. It seemed to consume her entire life.

_Where the hell is she?! I'm starting to feel like I really am wrong in the head. Everyone. EVERYONE keeps telling me that I'm crazy... But they don't understand. I've felt her skin on mine, tasted her lips, breathed her in for lifetimes. I know too much about her for her to not be real... I know that she hums to herself in the shower... that her favourite days are the ones where she can sit by a window and just listen to the rain fall. I know that she has a tendency to tap her middle finger when she's thinking-_

Lightning stopped reading and looked down to where her hand was placed on her desk. It's movements suddenly halted mid tap. She tightened her hand into a fist for a second, trying to rid the temptation to continue tapping. Every word written about her was strangely accurate and there was never a moment where it didn't make her feel uneasy.

Lightning rubbed at her eyes and placed the paper she had been reading down when she glanced at the clock on her wall. She had spent much longer at work than she had intended, but she hadn't been able to stop reading. The whole situation, while unnerving, had captured her interest. She'd never experienced anything quite like it, nor even heard of anything like it.

The pain Fang had been feeling through the years was easy to pick up on in her scribbled words. So many of her musings revolved around the torment she went through daily, feeling like she had gone insane, and not knowing how to get out. She needed Lightning in her life and yet she had no way to know if Lightning was even real or if she had made her up. She couldn't let go. She was in love with someone she had never met. She wouldn't or couldn't let go of the idea of loving her and it was driving her into depression and reckless actions.

Lightning recalled an entry she had read earlier in the day. Fang described in great detail how she had planned to end this life in hopes that she would find Lightning again in the next. A desperate attempt to find the love that her past selves had all found with the woman. The entry was dated just two days before Fang had been admitted to the hospital. It had been right near the top of the pile along with a note addressed to Vanille, explaining her actions... Fang had broke.

Lightning's stomach churned with a sickly, dull ache. It was a kind of power she had never known she would hold and she very quickly found that she didn't like having that kind of power over someone else. As strong as Fang tried to come off, she was clearly worn down and fragile under the surface, as her musings confirmed. The years of not knowing and having people question her very sanity had eroded so much of Fang's resolve that it brought her to the edge of that roof. Knowing _that_ , Lightning was at a loss.

Fang had been hurting for so long, Lightning knew the hope that Fang must be feeling now that she knew she wasn't crazy and even though Fang had never actually said anything about it, Lightning could feel her own internalized pressure to live up to Fang's expectations clawing madly at her. She knew what Fang would want now. It was clear as day. She would want _her_ , and Lightning wasn't sure she could give her what she wanted. She had never been in love. She didn't know love from a hole in the ground. She couldn't promise Fang something she didn't even know she was capable of.

Lightning was always a confident person. She would choose a path and follow it, consequences be damned, but she wasn't sure where to go from here. She was Fang's doctor. She needed to figure out exactly what this was and if there was a way to fix it. While she liked Fang, she was charming and attractive, and somehow, she didn't annoy her like most people did, she wasn't sure she could reciprocate Fang's feelings, and she wasn't sure what course of action Fang would take if Lightning could never love her in return.

The relationship they had was off balance. Lightning hardly knew the woman, while Fang knew everything there was to know about her. Lightning often imagined that love was like a good fight. Each opponent had to be on the same level to make it last. She glanced at the boxes beside her desk again. They were clearly not on the same level.

Lightning took a pen in her fingers and fiddled with it in thought. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Fang. She didn't want to cause her any more pain. Reading over Fang's thoughts, Lightning felt closer to her. She knew the power she held over her, and she couldn't imagine what Fang would go through if the real Lightning in this world, were to reject her. She was never very good at the emotional things in life, and now she was faced with a situation that relied almost entirely on her emotional abilities. Either she would fall in love with Fang too, and all would work out well, or she wouldn't, and then... What would happen to Fang? Lightning couldn't guarantee her that all would work out in the end and even though nothing had even started, already, Lightning feared how it might end.

The woman groaned inwardly and reminded herself that she had no responsibility to live up to Fang's expectations. She was Fang's doctor. She had a responsibility to the woman's health and well being, but that didn't mean she had to fall in love with her. She certainly cared for her but learning to fall in love was never covered in her schooling.

She glanced to the time again and then to one of the smaller stacks of paper on her desk, debating if she should continue reading or head home for the night, but once again the papers won out. She felt a small pang of guilt as she picked up another paper. Her other patients had certainly been put on the back burner in her mind ever since Fang's unique circumstances had come into her life, but she couldn't help herself. There was a curiosity that begged to be fed.

She could tell upon picking up the paper that it was a story. Fang's recounting of memories flowed much easier on the page than her own thoughts and feelings. Those were often sporadic and scratched out in many places. The stories were more calmly written, and unlike the journal writings, they weren't always filled with pain. They were simply memories Fang had, that she wrote down in order to preserve. They were often just moments in time. Glimpses at the lives they had shared together. Lightning still wasn't entirely sure what to think of it all. It was so hard to believe, but what other choice did she have? And even though she wouldn't admit it out loud, or even just silently to herself, some of the stories stirred in her a soft and comforting feeling that wasn't at all unwelcomed.

With each paper she read, she gained just a little more insight into who Fang was, and in an unexpected way, she had learned more about herself too. When she had read one of the stories where Fang had gone into detail about a lazy night under the stars, she felt a yearning to experience it first hand. Fang would surely tell her she had, but that she just didn't remember. The stories taught her that if she took martial arts, she could place in national events. She had always enjoyed running and physical activity in general, but she had never thought to try martial arts. They also taught her that her stubbornness was nothing new. She had always been and would always be stubborn, despite Serah believing that Lightning was just being difficult for the sake of being difficult. She had learned more about herself in the four days after Fang had been admitted than she had in the last ten years. It was overwhelming to say the least, but at the same time, a whole world of possibilities seemed to open in front of her. Personal doubts and fears washed away after reading about another Lightning in another time or alternate world overcoming those same doubts and fears.

She glanced at the time again, pursed her lips and continued on, letting her eyes run across Fang's writings, and losing herself to the early hours of the morning.

* * *

By mid afternoon the next day, Lightning was nearly asleep at her desk. She had spent most of the night reading and taking in the paintings Fang had made over the years and had neglected her body's constant nagging for sleep. She had too much to think about to sleep. Even after she had finally put down the papers, ready to head home and get a small nap in before doing it all over again, she couldn't sleep. She simply laid in bed going over everything in her head. It had taken it's toll on her and her early morning appointments suffered from it.

"You're not even listening to me..."

Lightning looked up from the pad of paper she had been writing on, guilt immediately settling in. "I'm listening." She lied and hated herself for it.

Her patient shook his head wildly, frowning. "No you're not... No one ever _does_." His voice rose slightly.

It was true. The man only had a small portion of Lightning's attention, the rest was still focused on Fang. The doctor had been jotting notes in bullet form on her pad of paper. Things she wanted to discuss with Fang at her own appointment and had missed most of David's story.

"I'm listening, David. Please, continue."

David's neck was tense and he screwed up his face slightly. "What was I talking about?" He challenged her.

Lightning swallowed and sucked her teeth a moment, trying to recall anything she'd heard. "You were talking about an incident with your mother."

David's face scrunched up even more. "That was ten minutes ago!"

Lightning cringed. "Calm down, David... I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't get much sleep last night... I know that's a poor excuse-"

"See!? You see?! No one _ever listens!_ " He stood up from his seat, pushing it back forcefully. "You sit there in your little white coat acting like you _care,_ but you don't! You just ignore me while you wait for your next fucking paycheck!"

Lightning stood up from her own seat in alarm. "David, I need you to calm down... Please-"

"I thought you were different, but you're just like everyone else, aren't ya!?" he gestured wildly.

Lightning had been treating David for close to six months. He suffered from paranoia and Lightning was sure that she'd just made his paranoia even worse. He always claimed that everyone was out to get him, or that they didn't care about him, and Lightning, in her ignorance, had just helped prove him right. In an instant, a tech had burst into the office ready to subdue David.

"Wait!" Lightning put up a hand and the tech stopped at her request, waiting for the doctor's orders. "David. You have every right to be angry... I... screwed up." David watched the tech anxiously, and Lightning could see clearly how his paranoia was acting up. The last thing she had needed was for someone to come in and make his paranoia worse. "We can fix this... no one needs a shot. The tech will leave... we can start over... How does that sound?"

David was shaking and looking between Lightning and the tech. His eyes darted back and forth between the two, looking like a cornered animal. The moment his eyes landed on the door, Lightning groaned internally, knowing exactly what he was about to do. David darted forward and shoved the tech out of his way and ran down the hall, making his escape from the danger he was so sure was imminent.

The tech immediately pulled himself back onto his feet and gave chase, calling over his radio for assistance. Lightning leaned onto her desk and placed a hand to her forehead. "Fuck."

She had a responsibility to simply listen and had failed on the most basic level. She was certain David would never trust her again. In fact, it was very likely she'd just made the job of his next psychiatrist even harder.

She rubbed at her temple and looked at the notes she had been writing. She should have waited until their appointment was over, but she had so many questions. She shook her head at herself, vowing to never let one of her patients down like that again. Hoping to make things right, she left the room and followed after David and the tech.

"No! Get the fuck away from me! No! Don't touch me! Don't!"

Lightning grimaced at the frantic sounds of David's yells travelling down the hall. She followed, hoping she could reach them and calm David down before they could tranquilize him. He had made it all the way to the common room before they were able to hold him still. He kicked and screamed and pushed the multiple techs who tried to restrain him as the rest of the patients in the common room watched with mild interest, most too used to the common bizarreness of the situation to get worked up about it.

By the time Lightning made it to the door, David was on the floor, mumbling and drooling as he passed out. It had taken four techs to bring him down. Lightning clenched her jaw as she placed a hand over her eyes.

A part of her wanted to blame the tech who had barged into her office for helping to escalate the situation but she knew he was only doing his job. If she hadn't failed David in the first place, the whole situation could have been avoided. She would have to do a write up to submit to the board, explaining what had happened. She knew she wouldn't be given too much heat for it, as others had screwed up far worse than she had, but she was generally an overachiever, and would end up beating herself up over it for weeks.

She sighed as she watched the techs pick David's limp body up off of the floor and carry him out of the room, taking him out of site of the onlookers. Most of the patients went back to visiting or watching their television shows, unperturbed by the entire event. Lightning looked out across the room noticing Fang sitting in a big comfy chair, breathing onto the window next to her and doodling in the condensation.

Lightning crossed her arms over her chest as she observed her from afar. Fang absentmindedly drew quick figures on the cool windows before her canvas cleared, not noticing the object of her affection watching her from across the room once again. Lightning knitted her eyebrows together. Fang had a feral beauty about her, wild dark hair and focused mature eyes. She was tall, strong, and from everything Lightning had read, Fang was about action. Words didn't mean shit to her if you couldn't act. Lightning could relate. She'd known too many people who talked big but couldn't back up their mouths. It wasn't always a good thing. Even reading Fang's journals, she knew that Fang's temper and unwillingness to mince words had gotten her in trouble more than a few times. She'd yet to see Fang's temper, but she'd heard about Fang's attitude when she had been dealing with Dr. Gaider her first day and how well that turned out for her. Fang didn't seem inclined to give Lightning the same attitude, however. Even in her stories, Fang and her always seemed to get along and Lightning had to admit... from every little story she'd read, she could see why... they were like opposite sides to the same coin. Expressed differently but still the same.

"You okay, Dr. Farron?"

Lightning was jostled from her thoughts and turned her attention to the source of her interruption. Miss. Read stood next to her, head cocked slightly to the side, her mussed bun causing hair to fall about her face.

"Yeah... just thinking."

"About Fang?"

Lightning stiffened slightly, feeling caught. "... Yeah." There was a tiny waver to her voice.

Miss. Read nodded her head. "She's certainly something else... "

"That's an understatement."

"How are things going with her?"

Lightning didn't know how to answer that. Well? Fang's not actually delusional? She just experiences memories from her past lives or alternate realities? Maybe not so well? She's in love with me and I'm afraid I'll break her even more?

Lightning opted to groan to herself.

"That well, huh?"

"I'm just... not entirely sure about her yet. She responds well to me... but I worry she expects too much from me."

Miss. Read nodded in understanding. "She is pretty infatuated with you... Not that I blame her, beautiful woman like you... Who wouldn't be?"

Lightning quirked a brow and eyed the slightly shorter woman beside her. "I... have report to write." Lightning stated somewhat awkwardly before turning and walking back out the doors.

Miss. Read broke into a laugh. Working in such a serious environment, sometimes she liked to tease the more uptight doctors and Lightning was one of her favourite targets.

* * *

There was a brief knock at her door and before she could even tell the person to come in, Fang had already poked her head in the doorway, smiling at her. "Hey doc!"

Lightning gave a small smile back and motioned her into her office. She was a few minutes early for her appointment, but Lightning had already figured she would be. It was clear that Fang wanted to be around her as much as possible. It was almost as if she were afraid that if she looked away, when she looked back, Lightning might not be there.

Fang sat down in the big comfy chair that sat across the desk from Lightning and Lightning motioned to the chaise chair that ran along the side of her office. "Are you sure you don't want to sit there?"

Fang shook her head . "Nah, I don't want to feel like a patient... Don't get me wrong... I know I am. But, I don't want to feel like I am."

"Fair enough."

"Have you uh..." Fang paused slightly, motioning to the boxes that still sat beside Lightning's desk. "You read all of those?"

Lightning shook her head, "Not even close. There's... a lot to get through. But yes, I've been reading as much as I can."

Fang nodded her head slightly, trying not to grimace. "Sorry about the smut."

Lightning felt her cheeks warm at the mention of some of the dirtier stories she had come across while going through the boxes. If she wanted to lie to herself, she would claim that she didn't want to know about her and Fang's past sexual exploits and would have simply tucked the papers away and started in on a new one. But every time she came across one of the smut filled writings, her eyes would continue to read each word on the page. She had told herself that she was simply reading it as an academic, and reasoned that she had read all of the stories before and it would be childish to skip the smutty ones simply because they contained adult situations. A part of her knew it was a lie, and that she truly wanted to know what they had gotten up to, but she wouldn't admit it just yet. She could feel her cheeks grow warmer by the second and cleared her throat.

"No, it's okay. It's completely understandable." She bit back her embarrassment and let her training take over. She needed to be professional, even though the very mention of the materials had put some of the more vivid images Fang had described back in her head. The image of Fang's naked body pressed to her own flashed across her mind and she pushed it out of her thoughts.

Fang gave a small smile in return letting the smallest laugh out in the process. There was an adoring look in her eyes at Lightning's predictable response. Catching herself and not wanting to make Lightning too uncomfortable she bit her lip and glanced away. It didn't go unnoticed by Lightning.

"Fang? Are you okay with me being your doctor?" Fang looked up quickly at the question, slightly confused. "Yeah, of course. I wouldn't want anyone else." She paused, closed her eyes and grimaced slightly, "... to be my doctor."

Fang was as transparent as the wind and Lightning felt the heaviness of pity fill her stomach but nodded anyway. It was obvious that Fang was trying to choose her words wisely for once, she didn't want to screw this up. "If this becomes too difficult, we can stop and I can have another doctor-"

"No!" Fang caught her outburst and straightened in her chair, stretching her back muscles in an attempt to rid the awkwardness from her. "No... It's. I want this."

Lightning watched her patient cautiously for a moment, slightly weary of how everything would go. She'd already let down one patient, she'd hate to think what Fang would do if she let her down too.

"Okay." Lightning offered a small but genuine smile. If this was what she wanted, then Lightning would try to help her. Lightning paused a moment, leaning forward on her desk, making it clear she was being serious with Fang. "I know this is difficult for you. I know there are... expectations-"

"No... I..." Fang looked down and shut her mouth... She couldn't, or wouldn't lie to Lightning. There _were_ expectations... She understood that Lightning didn't owe her anything, but she figured the universe did for torturing her for so long. Lightning was finally in her life, and she had to believe that just like always, a love would grow between them.

Lightning waited to see if Fang would finish her sentence but when she didn't, she continued. "I can't promise you anything. I will be your doctor and I will help you as best I can but... there are limitations to how far this relationship will extend."

Fang continued to stare down, almost through Lightning's desk trying not to feel the hurt that her words brought and nodded her head softly. "Yeah..." she finally breathed out painfully. She would have to trust the universe would pay her back.

Lightning looked down guiltily when she heard Fang's soft voice nearly crack on the single word. "I need to know that you're really okay with this, Fang. If you at any point feel the need to self harm again then-" Fang looked up suddenly and Lightning paused.

"I wont. I... I'm not crazy. I know that now. I'm not... I'm not going anywhere now." Her eyebrows pulled together, pleading for Lightning to believe her. She had found Lightning after all these years... She couldn't imagine abandoning this life now and she hoped that Lightning believed her.

"Okay, Fang." Lightning's expression relaxed and softened causing a similar reaction in Fang who leaned back in her chair a bit, comfortable enough breath easier again. "Why don't we start somewhere easy... see if we can't figure what's causing you to remember all your other lives." Lightning started, cocking her head to the side a little to catch Fang's eyes, "When did you realize what your memories were?"

"That they were past lives? I remember I was really confused about it for a long time. Even when I was younger I had memories of us when we were older. It's odd to see... glimpses of what could be the future.." Fang made a face.

"I can only imagine..." Her head aches ever so slightly but she ignored it, writing it off as a lack of sleep.

"Yeah, I know a lot of... strange things." Fang glanced to the boxes she'd filled over the years and licked her lips. "There's a reason I write it all down, you know. When I get to be an old fogey, I'll get Alzheimer's... and start to forget you." Fang pursed her lips slightly, chancing a glance at Lightning to find her nod, prompting her to continue. "I don't want to forget you again..."

Lightning swallowed hard at the confession. She hadn't considered why Fang had kept such studious records but hearing Fang's reasoning made her feel even worse than before. Fang cared so deeply about her that she would spend hours each day just documenting everything she could remember about her. Lightning, had gotten off lucky. She lived in ignorance of Fang's very existence for her entire life, while Fang suffered alone.

Lightning pondered a moment longer before she realized something. "Fang? Do you _always_ get Alzheimer's?"

"Yeah... If I make it that long. Genetics or somethin'."

Lightning swallowed, thinking on her parents. "My... my mother... she had cancer..." Lightning noticed the small flinch in Fang's face at the word, she knew where Lightning was headed with her question. Lightning didn't continue, knowing she wouldn't have to.

"Yeah..." Fang sighed. She'd lost Lightning to cancer more times than she cared to count. Barring violence, it was what took Lightning the most in her younger years. "Most times you're okay... but it wouldn't hurt to get checked."

Lightning met her eyes and nodded slightly. She did gain a small amount of relief from Fang's words but continued, needing to know. "... and Serah?"

Fang looked down again, biting her lip, "... Just make sure she gets her regular check ups. Just in case... Catch it early."

Lightning felt a small pang in her chest at the confirmation. Their mother had passed away from the disease when Lightning was fifteen. From then on, she had always feared the cancer would take Serah from her next, and it was crushing to hear that Serah could quite possibly have to endure the same pain their mother had. "How uh... How often does she get it?"

"Maybe once every three lives?" Fang winced slightly as she said it. She hated to be the one to tell Lightning that her Serah could end up just like her mother, but she also knew that a warning could be a game changer and didn't regret voicing her knowledge.

"Right..." Lightning made a note on her pad of paper, reminding her to call Serah and make her get an appointment. Lightning took a moment to stare at the paper, trying not to think about the cancer that ran in her family. Fang noticed and decided to change the subject, sparing Lightning from any unneeded worry.

"You know, Light. I never would have thought to check a nut house to find you."

Lightning quirked a brow. "Why's that?"

"It's just... you usually gravitate towards the physical professions... Things that allow you to punch people in the face. I can't imagine you'd get away with that here."

Lightning tried not to crack a smile, Fang's distraction working. She would admit, there had been a few times she'd wanted to punch someone in the face, but she genuinely did enjoy her job. There was both structure and chaos. There were rules and discipline but there were still challenges that required concentration and quick thinking. It was a good mix for her.

"Normally you'd join something like the police academy right out of school... Who knew you'd be a whitecoat?" Fang let out an amused puff. "Must have flown through your schooling to be a doctor so young."

Lightning nodded slightly. "I finished early... I had to. For Serah."

"Here too, huh?" Fang shook her head slightly disappointed.

Lightning knitted her eyebrows. She knew she should be trying to figure out what was causing Fang's memories, but her curiosity got the better of her. "What do you mean?"

"You don't always lose both your parents so young... but when you do, you always end up taking on so much for Serah."

Lightning stayed silent a moment... It was strange to have someone know so much about her and her family. In a way it was refreshing. She didn't have to explain. She didn't have to relive painful memories for someone else to understand. Fang just knew. "What exactly do you know about Serah?"

Fang leaned back in her chair a little. "More like your mother than you are. Likes history and cooking... Have you met Snow?"

Lightning stiffened slightly at the name. "What?"

"A lug named Snow." Fang reiterated but was met by silent tension. Fang couldn't help but smile slightly. "They're dating."

"No they aren't." Lightning clipped.

Fang quirked a brow at Lightning's curt answer. "You sure about that?"

"I'd never allow it."

Fang laughed. "Never change, Light."


	9. Chapter 9

"This is straight out of one of those sci-fi movies."

"Head back, Fang." Lightning placed a hand to Fang's shoulder and pushed the woman back down onto the patient's table but as soon as Lightning's hand left her shoulder Fang was once again lifting her head to check out the large piece of machinery she was about to be put into. "Fang." Lightning admonished her and Fang reluctantly placed her head back against the table.

"What's it stand for?"

"Sorry?"

"MRI. What's it stand for? Mice running irately? Milking rampant imps? What?"

The doctor regarded Fang for split second, "Magnetic Resonance Imaging."

Fang let out a small whistle. "I don't understand it, but it sounds fancy."

Lightning let a small smile tug at her. "It _is_ fancy. Now stop fidgeting."

Fang craned her head up to grin at the doctor and once again, Lightning corrected her position much to Fang's amusement.

After the two had left Lightning's office, the doctor lead Fang down to the medical wing again where she had booked Fang in for an MRI. Now that they were no longer discussing the heavier subjects that seemed to plague their situation, Fang felt a little lighter. Both Vanille and Lightning believed her, and suddenly she didn't feel so alien anymore. She wouldn't have to hold back stories from Vanille, she could tease Lightning and know she wouldn't think her a stalker. Fang grinned at the thought and stretched out on the table bringing her arms up and crossing them behind her head.

Lightning stared at her and frowned. She was done trying to get Fang to lie still, she'd leave that for the MRI technician who was currently prepping the machine for use. The technician, an older woman with slightly greying hair, hit a few more buttons along the side of the large cylindrical machine and it whirred to life, making strange chirping noises.

"Okay, Fang. I'm gonna need you to put your arms down, now." Mrs. Roth said and Fang did as she was told. "We're just going to raise your table up and get you ready to go in." The greying woman hit a switch on the front of the machine and the table slowly rose up. "It's going to be loud, but don't worry, it won't hurt."

The woman hit a few more buttons on the machine's front and the table stopped. She reached into the opening and pulled down a basket shaped helmet and slid it down over Fang's head. "I'm going to need you to lie very still, any movement could blur the images, understood?"

Fang gave a quick thumbs up before the woman hit another number of buttons and the table slid into the machine, just up to Fang's waist. Lightning crossed her arms as she watched, almost waiting for Fang to start fidgeting again, but frowned slightly when she realized Fang was doing exactly what she was told.

Mrs. Roth sat down behind her computer screen and prompted the scanning process, fingers flying over the keyboard as she inputted a few last second settings. The machine made all kinds of strange noises as it scanned Fang, chirping and pulsing with life. After a moment the screen flickered and the image of Fang's brain was clear on the screen in blue and white.

The older woman cocked her head to the side as she watched the screen in front of her. "Well isn't that interesting." She murmured slightly, getting Lightning's attention who promptly stopped frowning and rounded the table to see what the woman had found. The woman pointed to the blue and white scan of Fang's brain, tracing a few areas. "Her temporal lobe is quite large... Look at that..."

"That's where long term memories are stored..." Lightning said more to herself. "And look at her hippocampus and amygdala." Lightning pointed to the screen. The areas were much larger than she'd ever seen in another patient. "That's... incredible."

"In all my years, I've never seen a temporal lobe so robust..." The older woman stated. "I've seen a few that came close, but they were scarred... Head trauma of some kind or another... but hers is surprisingly active." The image on the screen seemed to pulse slightly in areas with thicker blues as Fang's thoughts flickered to one thing of another in the machine, waiting for some kind of instruction.

"Fang?" Lightning called out.

"Getting some sexy pictures?"

Lightning rolled her eyes at the response, ignoring the question all together. After reading so many of Fang's journals, she had started to wonder when Fang's flirty side would start coming out. The doctor was tempted to start analyzing the one off comment, seeing that Fang was staring to get comfortable with her, but decided to focus on the task at hand instead. "Would you mind going over one of your memories?"

"Anything specific?"

"No, as long as it's a memory."

Fang chuckled slightly from inside the scanner, starting in on the first thing she thought of. "We got messed up one night, drinking like fish at this neat little bar on the pier. Didn't know each other before hand, but I saw you across the bar, drinking some hard liquor that made your face scrunch up each time you took a drink." Fang laughed, "You never were much of a drinker... but I was enamoured. Watched you for a little while and decided to try my luck. I offered you a taste of my drink. A fruity thing, came with some weird Cocoon fruit thing on the rim. Either I was charming or you were drunk because you accepted. It was supposed to be a one night stand... But they're never one night stands-"

Lightning could feel an immediate blush cross her cheeks as the words left Fang's mouth. It would have been one thing if it were just the two of them. They both knew of Fang's situation, but Mrs. Roth didn't, and even if she did, surely she wouldn't believe it.

The MRI technician gave Lightning an odd look. Lightning could already tell what was going through the older woman's head. Fang's hippocampus and amygdala lit up as she spoke, just as they should if she were going over any real memory. If Fang had been making it up, other areas would have still fired, but her hippocampus would have stayed relatively calm. A few thoughts passed by Lightning quicker than her namesake. One; they were _real_ memories. They were stored and accessed just like any other memory and the MRI proved that. The second thought; Mrs. Roth knew they were real memories too.

A small amount of dread passed through Lightning at the misunderstanding. There was nothing she could say that would explain why Fang's memories were reading as true without trying to explain Fang's knowledge of past lives and alternate realities. Even if she tried, she'd know that occom's razor would take place and Mrs. Roth would assume that the simpler truth was the correct one.

"You were drooling on my chest in the morning... I remember being really surprised by how... _cuddly_ you were-" Lightning coughed out of pure embarrassment cutting Fang off. How would she explain to the older woman that she hadn't actually had a one night stand with her patient?

"Fang... Maybe something _less_ intimate?" There was a pause before Fang continued on with another story, this one concerning Vanille and a frog she'd taken in as a pet. Lightning shook her head, her cheeks flushed red as she placed her palms on the desk, trying to ignore the strange looks from the technician. "...I didn't sleep with her." Lightning stated, not making eye contact with the woman seated at the desk.

"Sure, honey... and I don't steal office supplies. You're secret's safe with me."

Lightning shot the woman a strange look before rubbing at her temple slightly in defeat. As long as the woman didn't make an issue out of the brain scans, Lightning didn't really care what she believed. She took in one last deep breath before she looked at the monitor again, letting her eyes wander over the image of Fang's brain as it lit up with activity.

"Fang?" Lightning asked again, and Fang stopped mid story.

"Yeah?"

"What's thirteen times fifteen?"

"What?"

"Work it out." Lightning said, her eyes never leaving the screen as she watched the activity fade from her temporal lobe and her prefrontal cortex light up as Fang worked through the equation in her head. Her brain worked just like any healthy adults. It seemed to prioritize the correct areas at the correct times without any trouble.

After a few moments Fang spoke up again. "Hundred... ninety-five? That right?"

"Yeah. Can you imagine swinging a bat for me?"

Fang didn't reply but again the more active areas switched and the motor cortex lit up and pulsed about on the screen as Fang's mind went through the process.

Again, everything was working just as it should. The only strange part was the areas that were responsible for Fang's memories were enlarged in comparison to the rest of her brain. Lightning frowned somewhat and pointed to the screen. "What would make her temporal lobe so much more robust than everything else?"

Mrs. Roth pursed her lips and shook her head. "My guess? It's used a lot more? I couldn't really say..."

Lightning nodded. They continued for a while longer, having Fang imagine different scenarios to test her brain and each time, the results came back normal. Lightning wasn't really sure what she had expected when she'd first booked Fang for her MRI. She was hoping to find something that would tell her how Fang gained her memories in the first place. The enlarged areas didn't tell her how she got them, but it was proof that they were there.

"You think you could print me off a few scans from each area?" Lightning asked as they were finishing up and Mrs. Roth was removing Fang from the machine.

"Sure thing, sweetie." The woman pressed a few buttons and the table slid out, allowing Fang to finally sit up again.

Mrs. Roth went to the computer and selected a few scans and promptly left the room to have them printed while Lightning stared at Fang, arms crossed against her chest.

"What?" Fang asked.

"You're going to get me in trouble."

"What'd I do?!"

"One night stand?" Lightning asked, refreshing Fang's memory.

Fang couldn't help but laugh slightly. "They all think I'm nuts anyway..."

Lightning shook her head softly and tried to fight off a small smile. She was pretty sure that Mrs. Roth wasn't going to cause her trouble, and even Lightning had to admit that the very situation was somewhat amusing. "Of all the things you could have talked about..."

Fang grinned as she stood and stretched in front of the doctor. "What? You were really cute, Light. Using me like a pillow."

"What do you mean _'were'_?"

Fang paused slightly and furrowed her brow at the almost flirty response. Lightning caught it too and her smile immediately faltered. She'd never been a flirty person and yet the line had slipped out before she could even think to stop herself. She avoided Fang's eyes and swallowed, hoping they could pretend like she'd never said it in the first place.

But of course, Fang being Fang, wasn't about to let it slip away, "You're always cute, Light. Whether you're kicking the shit out of some loser or drooling on me in your sleep."

Lightning could feel herself blush but still refused to make eye contact. "You're results were all fairly typical." Lightning said, abruptly changing the topic. She had enough to think about without having to add in any more complications. "The areas responsible for your memory though, are bigger than normal."

Fang frowned slightly at Lightning's avoidance, she didn't care about what her brain was doing. Surely Lightning realized that there was something there. Lightning didn't just flirt with anyone. They both knew that. Fang wasn't ready to let it go and ducked her head slightly to catch Lightning's eyes. The woman swallowed as she slowly trained her eyes back to Fang's own. They both knew with that look what had happened and Lightning kicked herself mentally for the slip up. "I... don't want to lead you on, Fang."

Fang didn't say anything. She'd been through this with Lightning before. She recognized the reluctance. If there was one thing Lightning Farron feared, it was letting herself get close to someone. Fang could almost imagine the wheels turning in Lightning's head as she tried to backtrack out of her unintentional step forward. They often played this particular two-step, but this time there was a whole new angle to consider. Fang knew Lightning inside and out, loved her a million times over. She wanted to pull, while Lightning didn't trust that she could be what Fang wanted her to be. She wanted to push.

Fang bit her cheek slightly and took a small step forward, creating more tension than what Lightning was comfortable with. She leaned in close to Lightning's ear and spoke softly. "Don't be afraid to hurt me..."

"Fang..." Lightning murmured, unsure of what to say. The warm tickle of Fang's breathe on her ear, enough to wash any words from her mind.

"I'd let you do it again and again."

Fang pulled back slightly to see Lightning's lost frown. Lightning seamed to be searching Fang's eyes for something. An answer she couldn't fathom. The answer to 'why?'. Fang gave the smallest sad smile in return. It was bittersweet.

They stayed, watching each other intensely. Fang trying not to pull and Lightning trying not to push. A stalemate. Fang fought the urge to lean in and take a risk while Lightning tried not to pull away from Fang. Fang was just a breath away from Lightning. She watched her closely, waiting for the moment Lightning would pull away from her. But she didn't, she stood silently, almost waiting. Lightning's eye drifted down to Fang's lips and her own lips parted slightly, a look Fang had seen many times before. Fang leaned in cautiously.

"Alright, Doctor Farron, I have three scans from-" Mrs. Roth had entered the room and her sentence fell away when she saw the two women pull away from each other quickly, looking as though they'd been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Mrs. Roth decided not to say anything and continued. "... From each test."

The doctor refused to make eye contact with the MRI technician as the older woman handed her the scans. "...Thank you." Lightning's heart was pounding a mile a minute in her chest. She hadn't stepped over the line but she felt the temptation to and hadn't pushed Fang away when she should have. She felt guilt building in her stomach and the throbbing of another persistent headache wracking her temples. "You can go, Fang..."

Fang frowned slightly. She wanted to talk about what had just happened but knew to give Lightning time to process it herself. She reluctantly walked past Lightning, giving her one last look. Lightning looked away as soon as Fang's gaze had found hers and she trained her own on the floor. She bit her lip slightly when she heard the door click behind her and closed her eyes.

"She's a looker, honey. I'll give you that. But you might want to be a little more discrete around here." Mrs. Roth said, leaning back against her desk with a small smirk on her lips.

"Nothing happened." Lightning said, eyes still closed. She sighed and rubbed at her temple.

"Honey... I'm not blind..."

Lightning sighed heavily. She had too many things going through her mind to concentrate on just one thought so she decided to focus on the scans in her hand and ignore Mrs. Roth.

Lightning couldn't get much better proof of Fang's sanity than what she held in her hands. The question then, was whether or not Fang really needed to be there... It wasn't the memories themselves that worried Lightning, it was the fact that Fang had found herself on a rooftop, ready to jump, because of them, because of _her_. She'd gone for so long without Lightning that she wasn't willing to keep going and now she had found Lightning. She wasn't lost anymore, she knew she wasn't crazy anymore... but now Lightning was stuck in an awkward position. She had the power to destroy Fang or lift her up, and she wasn't so sure she could do the latter.


	10. Chapter 10

Lightning was sitting at her desk, pouring over Fang's documents, looking for some hint of what she should do when there was a firm knock on her door. She sighed and set the papers down, annoyed at the interruption before Fang popped her head in the door.

Lightning stiffened slightly. They hadn't spoken since Fang's MRI the day before and frankly, Lightning had been dreading the moment Fang would come knocking. The whole situation was tearing her in two. She couldn't leave but she couldn't stay... Either option- she was sure- would end in heart ache for Fang. She grimaced slightly and hoped that Fang didn't notice.

Fang bit her lip in apprehension and slowly closed the door behind her until she heard an audible click. "Can we talk about what happened yesterday?"

Lightning stood up from her desk and sucked her teeth, her nerves firing too much to allow her to relax. She circled around the desk and leaned back on it and shook her head slightly. "Nothing happened, Fang."

Fang pursed her lips at the response and let out a slightly amused huff as if she had been expecting that response. "Funny... I'm pretty sure we almost _kissed_."

The doctor sighed again and crossed her arms. "You're imagining things." All she wanted was for Fang to drop the subject. Maybe if they could act like nothing had happened, it would give her more time to think about her options. _Some psychiatrist you are..._ She thought to herself.

" _Am_ I? 'Cause, I know I was gonna kiss _you_... and you sure didn't seem like you were gonna stop me." Fang wasn't inclined to mince words. She knew just as much as Lightning did what had almost happened and it was clear she just wanted Lightning to admit it. She stepped closer to Lightning and the doctor could feel the predatory movements cause a prickle at the back of her neck.

"Fang..." Lightning closed her eyes and shook her head. "Okay... _Yeah_... You're right. I would have let it happen, but... it was a lapse in judgement."

She opened her eyes again and she was sure she saw Fang wince at the words but she shook it off and again, stepped closer, daring Lightning to stop her. Lightning didn't stop her but held Fang's stare steadily, daring Fang to try it. "I get it, Light. You're scared. You don't know if you can love me... but you _have_. A million times over. It's not that hard if you'd just _let_ yourself..."

Lightning finally looked away, "it's not that easy..." Her voice came out small.

"Yeah... it _is_." The voice was directly in her ear and Lightning felt her whole body stiffen, not having noticed how close Fang had gotten. A tingle ran down her body and she hoped that it didn't show. Instead she swallowed and continued to look away. "You just need to try." Fang's voice was soft.

Lightning swallowed, feeling Fang's warm breath near her neck. She felt herself wanting to give in but once again played the passive roll. It felt safer to pretend she didn't want it and simply let Fang take the lead. A way to soften her guilt but still give in.

After a brief moment of silence she felt Fang close in on her, her lips pressing onto her ear lobe. Lightning's skin chilled with goosebumps at the sensation and her heart leapt into her throat. She fought off the urge to moan and yet the smallest strangled noise still managed to leave her lips. Fang traveled with soft kisses along her jaw line, and Lightning tried not to give in too readily as she felt the effects travel through her entire being. She found herself aching in her core and swallowed hard when Fang's lips found her throat, again, leaving a trail of hot, wet kisses along her skin.

She hated to admit it, but she wanted it. She wanted to fight it but she felt powerless to. Fang knew just how to make her crumble. There was a dizzying sensation in her head and there was a brief moment where Lightning thought she might just collapse. Luckily for her, Fang pulled away, giving her nerves a slight rest. Fang watched her and waited, licking her lips in anticipation and Lightning gave in, turning her gaze towards her.

Fang gave the smallest grin and pressed her lips to Lightning's own. All thoughts fled Lightning's mind and she couldn't remember why she had fought so hard against the idea in the first place as her lips moved in sync with Fang's. Fang pressed into her, situating herself between Lightning's legs as Lightning leaned farther back on her desk. She could feel Fang's warm hands trailing up and down her sides before settling on her hips.

The kiss deepened and low moans escaped their open-mouthed kisses. Tongues touched and retreated and touched again with each kiss, over and over again as the two drank each other in. Lightning's head was swimming and she pulled Fang in closer by her scrubs, wanting to feel her body against her own. She arched her back, pressing her chest to Fang's, feeling the heat from Fang's body warm her.

Fang pulled back, breaking the kiss and studied Lightning. Eventually Lightning's eyelids fluttered open, her eyes asking why Fang had stopped when she had finally gotten Lightning where she wanted her. Fang smiled and chuckled. "You okay?"

Lightning furrowed her brow. "Yeah...?" She thought it was evident she was okay when she'd pulled Fang in closer. Lightning went in for another kiss when Fang asked again.

"Hey? You okay?"

" _Yes._ " Lightning said with annoyance, wanting to get back to what they had been doing.

"Sis... You okay?"

" _Sis?_ " Lightning knitted her brows in confusion.

Lightning's eyes fluttered open and Serah was staring down at her, concern evident on her face. Lightning furrowed her brow in confusion. " _Serah?_ "

Serah smiled sheepishly as Lightning pushed herself up onto her elbows, taking in her surroundings. She was at home in her living room, laying on the couch with the TV softly playing nearby. It was late. The only light in the room coming from the ever changing images on the TV.

"You okay? You were having a dream."

Lightning felt herself blush and hoped that the dark room hid the red from her sister. "I was?"

"Yeah..." Serah chuckled slightly. "Can't even listen to your own advice, huh? You're always telling me not to sleep with the TV on..."

Lightning groaned, hoping that she wasn't as transparent as she felt. _Of course_ it was a dream... She yawned and arched her back, trying to ease the ache the couch had caused. "What time is it?"

"Just past midnight..."

Lightning kittened her eyebrows together. She wanted to start analyzing her dream but something wasn't right. "Midnight?"

Serah nodded and sucked her teeth for a second, trying to act innocent.

"...Did you just get in?"

Serah avoided eye contact and crossed her arms. "Maybe."

Lightning felt herself bristle slightly, reminded of Fang's teasing words. "... Were you with Snow?" Serah didn't say anything and Lightning let out a huff. "I told you to stay _away_ from that idiot."

Serah rolled her eyes in an exaggerated fashion. "I'm an adult, Light. I can make my own decisions."

"You could at least make _good_ decisions. Snow's a moron."

Serah gave her sister a deadpan stare. It was too late to be arguing with her sister. "Good night, Light..."

Lightning huffed and rolled her eyes back at her sister as she passed and made her way to her room. At the sound of Serah's door clicking closed Lightning sighed and laid back onto the couch. She let the TV continue to play as she pushed the disturbing thought of her sister dating Snow out of her mind, and focused back on her dream.

It had felt so real... and Lightning was surprised to realize that a part of her really wanted it to be. She touched her lips lightly at the memory of her passionate kisses with Fang. Her heart skipped a beat and she felt a deep guilt immediately set in. She'd never been so torn about a patient before. She hated to admit that a part of her had been angry when Mrs. Roth had interrupted them but in retrospect, it was a relief. Sure she had never felt that kind of pull before, but she still didn't think she was capable of love. The interruption didn't solve her problem but it did help delay it.

She had only been Fang's doctor a short while and already she felt it was a mistake. There was no winning. If she rebuffed Fang, she would hurt her. And if she decided to throw caution to the wind, it would probably be even worse. If she found she couldn't love Fang back, all she would have done was lead her on and gave her false hope, only to crush her in the end.

There was a twisting feeling in Lightning's stomach. The thought of Fang standing atop her apartment building flashed before her eyes. She couldn't hurt Fang... not without risking serious consequences, but something had to be done. Her stomach twisted again. She didn't get much sleep that night, even as her eyes would drift shut with exhaustion, her stomach would twist again, reminding her that she needed to make a decision.

* * *

Lightning had spent her morning in her office, she had a few early sessions with patients and forced herself to concentrate on them, and ignore her anxiety. She didn't want to cause another incident like she had with David, so she pushed her own problems aside and focused on the moment. It helped for awhile. With her attention distracted from Fang, she finally felt her stomach start to relax, but the moment her morning appointments were over, the feeling returned.

Lightning glanced to the clock on her wall and grimaced. Fang was her next appointment and she knew that she would have to talk about what had almost happened the day before despite everything in her wanting to just pretend like it had never happened. She sighed and tried to distract herself until Fang arrived by studying Fang's MRI scans.

After Fang's MRI the day before, Lightning had taken the scans to one of the senior doctors on staff and asked his opinion. Doctor Hayman had been with the hospital for over thirty years and had seen things even Lightning had a hard time believing. One of the other doctors had told Lightning that a patient once stripped himself naked during an episode and attacked Hayman, biting off part of the man's pinky finger. Lightning was skeptical until one day she'd asked the doctor to sign off on something for her and noted that the pinky finger on his dominant hand was missing from the last knuckle down. Aside from his years of experience, the man had actually started out as a neurologist, before his love of the brain lead him to Psychology. Lightning was sure if anyone could tell her anything, it would be him.

He had held Fang's scans up to the light and hummed and hawed for a short time, all the while stroking at his white beard before he finally spoke. "Fascinating! Absolutely fascinating! Her amygdala is twenty percent bigger than it should be! She must have one hell of a memory!" He pointed to the oversized amygdala and the hippocampus. "You see this connective tissue? I bet she could tell you where she was ten years ago today! Remarkable."

Lightning sucked her teeth for a moment. "I don't think it's... that detailed. She..." Lightning chose her words carefully, not wanting to let anyone else know she actually believed Fang's memories. She knew that if she did, they would think her a quack and she would lose all credibility. "She... claims to have memories from past lives or alternate realities. She says it's like... snippets of time. But there are a lot of them."

Doctor Hayman's bushy eyebrows shot up in amusement at the idea, "What an interesting patient... You know... I've seen scans like this once before. The patient had Hyperthymesia. Amazing thing, hyperthymesia. If you asked him what shoes he wore on his eighth birthday, he could tell you in detail. I would have loved to study him more..." He had handed the scans back to Lightning. "Perhaps it's some form of that... I imagine you add some delusions into a memory that sharp, it could play all kinds of tricks on you." The man knew better than Lightning did about the brain and she thanked him for his time.

Now she sat in her office, staring at the scans, waiting for Fang to arrive. She didn't believe Fang to be delusional- not anymore, anyway. But she wondered if Doctor Hayman had been onto something. Fang certainly had a robust memory. Lightning had to ponder to herself if those with Hyperthymesia could have been susceptible to the same thing as Fang, but for whatever reason they didn't have the same... connection to their other lives so their memories were instead filled with mundane details about their past. Lightning groaned to herself, she was starting to think she would need a theoretical physicist to help explain how it all worked.

There was a knock at her door and Lightning's heart jumped into her throat at the sound. Fang opened the door a second later and bit her lip in slight apprehension before closing the door behind her. "Hey, Light."

Lightning pushed her anxiety down and motioned for Fang to sit. Fang did as she was told and Lightning sucked at her teeth, her stomach in knots once again. "Fang, about... about yesterday... I-" Lightning sighed and felt a sudden panging in her temple. She cringed at the pain but pushed past it. "What happened yesterday... It can't happen again."

Fang frowned, "You would have let me kiss you... wouldn't you?"

Lightning averted her eyes, her brows knitting together in a guilty fashion. The reaction was enough to confirm it for Fang. She'd spent the entire night wondering what would have happened if Mrs. Roth hadn't walked into the room at that moment. Knowing Lightning would have let it happen gave Fang the smallest amount of satisfaction and she let herself smile faintly at the bitter sweetness of it.

"I don't want to hurt you, Fang." Lightning could feel her heart beating in her chest... The fear of hurting Fang finally real as she confronted her problem. "But I can't... I can't be who you want me to be."

Fang winced slightly and shifted slightly in her chair. "You don't have to be anyone but you, Light."

Lightning felt her heart breaking for Fang and rubbed at her throbbing temple. "Fang..." She took a moment to prepare herself and looked away. "...I don't think I can be your doctor."

Fang felt a pang in her chest and let out a pained breath. She took a second to collect herself and tried to catch Lightning's eyes with her own, but Lightning refused to look directly at her. ".. You don't _need_ to be my doctor Light... You know I'm not crazy... I don't even need to _be_ here... but I stayed because I knew it was the easiest way to... to see _you._ "

Lightning wetted her lips and glanced to Fang, shaking her head. "Fang... you _do_ need to be here. You're..." Lightning winced again as her temple throbbed. "You're a danger to yourself... and you need a doctor who can help you move forward... and that doctor isn't me."

Fang cringed at the pain in her chest. She had believed this had all happened for a reason. That Etro had lead her to this moment so she and Lightning could be together. She hadn't expected it to go this way. The thought of losing Lightning so quickly after having found her scared her more than she was willing to admit to the point she could feel the adrenaline all the way in her fingertips. "How can I ' _move forward_ ' when I can't stop looking back? I can't _not_ remember, Light... and I won't _stop_ remembering for another _sixty_ _years_." Fang was pleading with Lightning and Lightning could hear Fang's voice nearly crack.

Intense guilt churned again in Lightning's stomach. "I'm sorry."

"Light... we could _do_ this... We _could_... You just need to take the risk."

"I don't know how to love, Fang, and I can't risk hurting you even more. This... This will be easier on you in the long run... We need to end it before it starts." Lightning's voice became weak on the last sentence, as if she didn't want to hear it herself.

" _Easier_ on me? There's no _easy_ , Light. The way I see it, there are three options here. One; we end it now, I get hurt. Two; we end it later, I get hurt. Or three; we could be _happy_. Isn't that worth the risk? Giving up now is the only option that guarantees pain.. _._ "

"...I can't lead you on... I'd only make it worse." Lightning tried desperately to avoid Fang's pleading eyes. She knew it wouldn't be easy to tell Fang that nothing could ever come of them, but she didn't realize how much it would make her feel like a coward. "I can't be responsible if you... -" She stopped, biting her lip and shaking her head sadly.

"If I what?... _Kill_ myself?"

Lightning winced at the thought. "You've done it _before_..."

Fang straightened, a jolt of surprise adrenaline shooting through her chest. She knitted her brows in confusion, her voice audibly shifting. "...How did you know that?"

"You told me." Lightning finally looked up, hearing the shift in Fang's voice from pain to confusion.

"No I didn't," Fang said, studying Lightning's eyes, for what; Lightning wasn't sure.

Lightning shook her head slightly. She could have sworn... "I... I must have read it." She pressed her fingers to her temples for a minute, trying to ward off her persistent headache.

Fang continued to watch her. She was almost certain she had written nothing of her past bouts with suicide. There were a few she remembered, however hazily. Times where she'd been so down and out that it was the only option. She had contemplated writing them down, but she didn't want Vanille to come across anything like that and worry about her. Besides, there were some things Fang was okay with not including for her records. She didn't need to remember those moments when she would finally succumb to Alzheimer's. She was almost certain that Lightning shouldn't know about any of it either. How could she?

Lightning looked up, seeing Fang's eyes on her intently and stopped rubbing her temples, instead looking at Fang with a confused stare of her own. She could feel the change in Fang's mood as the woman's focus pulled away from their current conversation to something else. She was looking for something. "What is it?"

Fang leaned in closer, studying Lightning's eye like they held some great secret. Lightning breathed in and caught the scent of wildflowers from Fang. Her temples ached again and suddenly the world around Lightning turned to white.

Fang watched in worry as Lightning seemed to freeze in place, and her pupils contracted to pin points. He body sat rigid and unmoving, unresponsive to her surroundings. "Lightning?"

* * *

"Lightning?" Lightning's vision was filled with a blinding light. She cringed at the pain and moved her gaze to the side, realizing she had been staring at the sun. _What... Where...?_ Lightning couldn't speak, but the thoughts passed through her mind as her body fought against her, it moved on it's own and she heard her own voice speak as if her body was another person, and she were merely trapped inside looking out.

"Yeah?" She was in a field. An incredibly green field, filled with wild flowers. Wildflowers that smelled of Fang. Somewhere on Gran Pulse. Laying in the grass, looking up at Coccoon and the sun that sat just around it's edge. _What's going on...? Why can't I speak?_ Lightning fought to speak, to move and found only resistance. Frustration passed over her, like trying to run in a dream and going no where. _Is this another dream?_

Her body turned on it's side without her prompting, setting her head on her palm. _Fang?_ Fang was lying beside her in the grass, watching her with intense and loving eyes, a bemused smile on her lips. "I told you not to stare at it..." _Stare at what? The sun?_ Lightning asked internally. _How did I get here... Where are we?_

"You're not the boss of me." She heard her own voice say and Fang grinned more at her.

"If you went blind, how would you ever enjoy my face again? I can't let that happen." Fang joked. _Fang, what's going on?_ Lightning tried desperately to ask, trapped silently in her body.

She felt her hand reach out and cup Fang's face softly. Her thumb traced along the soft skin before she felt her body press into Fang's own, her lips firmly pressing against Fang's. She could taste Fang in her mouth, feel her fingers slipping into her hair as she pulled her face closer, deepening the kiss. Lightning stayed silent in her head, watching the scene unfold in confusion. She felt everything vividly, but had no control over what happened and so, simply let it happen. The kiss lasted a long time, soft, gentle, not at all what she thought it should feel like, somehow better. The scene started to lighten again into a blinding white light until once again, she could no longer see.

* * *

"Light, hey... Hey, come on now." Lightning felt a hand on her cheek, lightly tapping against her skin. She clenched her eyes closed tightly and cringed. She heard Fang breath a sigh of relief and felt Fang press her fore head to her own briefly before realizing what she was doing and pulling away. "You okay, Light?"

Lightning opened her eyes, glancing around the room, aware that she was once again fully in control of her body and back in her office. "I'm back?"

"Where did you go just now? You just... completely zoned out..." Fang still held Lightning's face in her hands, lightly stroking the skin as if to make sure she was okay.

"I... Uh..." Lightning knitted her eyebrows together, meeting Fang's gaze. She placed her hands over Fang's, and slowly guided them away from her cheeks. Fang bit her lip and withdrew back into her chair, knowing she had overstepped her bounds.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just um..." Lightning let herself breath through her mouth, feeling she needed the air. She was at a loss of words for what had just happened. It was as if she had stepped out of time for a brief moment. She couldn't explain it, and if she were to be honest with herself, it scared her. She blinked her eyes a few times and shook her head, pushing the fear away and putting up a defense in it's place. "I didn't get much sleep last night, just... feeling the effects of it now." She rubbed at her temples again, feeling them throbbing with pain. She sucked her lips and swallowed, regaining her composure. "I'm fine. Really."

Fang eyed her suspiciously. She knew Lightning well enough to know that was a lie. There was something going on that she wasn't telling her. Fang could feel it. She trained all her attention on Lightning's eyes, waiting for one of Lightning's small tells. Their earlier conversation pushed to the side, Fang content with ignoring the painful dialogue for the time being. "Are you sure?"

"It's okay, Fang. Really." Lightning tried to reassure her. She knew she needed to continue their conversation but her mind couldn't concentrate. It felt fuzzy and drunk from the strange phenomena that had just happened. She tried to remember where they had left off but her temples throbbed again and she felt dizzy. "Um, I'm going to have some tea... Would you like one?" She pushed up from her chair making her way to the small counter in the corner of her office where she had a small coffee/tea maker set up. She told herself that it was the strange dream and the lack of sleep playing with her head, that the tea would help wake her up, make her feel better.

"Uh... Yeah, sure." Fang watched Lightning from her seat. Lightning wasn't all there anymore, her mood had changed drastically the moment her pupils contracted... Fang curiously analyzed her, needing to know what had happened that managed to derail Lightning. She watched as Lightning filled two mugs with tea, and went about preparing them. She knitted her eyebrows as she watched Lightning pour one packet of sugar into one, and three into the other with a single cream.

Lightning was trying desperately to calm her nerves. She wasn't sure what had happened but it scared her. She could feel herself shake lightly as she emptied three packets of sugar into Fang's tea. Maybe she was dreaming again... How else could she explain what had happened. Lightning stopped herself as she poured the last of the cream into the second mug. _What am I doing?_ She placed her hand to her temples again. "Um... How do you like your tea?" She placed both hands on the counter trying to catch her breath.

"...Exactly like that." Fang said from just behind Lightning, causing her to jump slightly. She hadn't noticed that Fang had gotten up when she had caught what Lightning was absent mindedly doing.

Lightning turned to Fang, a fear and confusion clear in her eyes. Fang scanned her closely again, watching her eyes, ducking her head slightly to keep eye contact as Lightning tried to discretely look away. Lightning didn't know what was happening, and instinctively tried to hide it.

"You're... _remembering_... aren't you?" Fang asked, watching as Lightning flinched slightly at the question.

"I... I don't... " Lightning didn't finish her sentence but looked up to meet Fang's intense stare.

_"Come on, Lightning. You don't want to miss this!"_

_"The meteor shower isn't going anywhere, Fang. Slow down."_

Lightning stood silently. Hearing her and Fang's voices run through her head as if someone had pressed play on a recording. Her hands trembled and she backed into the counter, nearly knocking over the mugs of tea. Her eyes stayed on Fang's own green ones.

_"I dreamt about this, you know?"_

_"About this? Why?"_

_"What do you mean 'why?' Because I love you." A laugh._

"Lightning?"

_"Bahamut."_

_"You... You named a wolf?" A silence._

"Light...?"

_"Hey, you're going to be okay, Fang..."_

_"Don't lie, Light..."_

_"You will..." A choking sob._

"Hey... Come on..."

Lightning took a sharp breath in when Fang's hands once again cupped her cheeks and felt her heart rate pick up to an incredible speed. She breathed hard feeling as if she had just run a marathon as her attention snapped back to the moment. She met Fang's concerned eyes and like an all consuming wave, was drowning in them. Emotions boiled to the surface and erupted in a fury in her mind. She had always felt a compassion for Fang but now... She stood looking at Fang, and for the first time, she really _saw_ Fang. Fang for all she is and all she ever was. Everything was there in her eyes, and it pushed and pulled at Lightning. An undying love for her was present that hadn't been there before, and it was... Familiar. It all felt familiar. It was like going home. She knew this woman, inside and out, and she loved her.

Lightning felt tears welling up in her eyes and Fang pulled her close to her chest, cradling Lightning's face in her neck. "It's okay... You're okay." Fang stroked her hair softly as she held her tight to her chest, and Lightning couldn't help but to fist her hands into Fang's patient scrubs, letting herself be held, letting the familiar feelings wash over her like a song once forgotten and heard again. She felt the tears spill over and didn't try to stop them. This was Fang... This was _her_ Fang.

She pushed back from Fang, needing to see her eyes again, needing to drown. Fang let her.

Lightning tentatively touched Fang's face, slowly, testing. Needing to know that this was real, this was happening and it wasn't just in her head. She could see it in the way Fang looked at her, Fang knew what was happening, just as much as she did. She was remembering. She was remembering it all. Every life they had lived together, every moment they had fallen in love, every death that separated them again. It was all there, hanging in the air between them. All crashing back to her in a moment. Lifetimes of memories overwhelming her, and flashing through her mind as she looked into Fang.

Lightning felt the sudden need to really feel Fang. To once again feel that familiar closeness that she knew and remembered but had yet to experience. She took a moment longer to look into Fang's eyes, to drink her in. She knew her now. She knew her intimately. She ran her hands up the sides of Fang's neck, coming to hold her face just behind her ears; it was comfortable, familiar. She pulled her down, pressing their lips together and searing the moment into another vivid memory. A kiss practiced a thousand times, and yet experienced for the first.

 


	11. Chapter 11

With each kiss Lightning melted further into the familiar hold of her soul mate. One minute Fang had been a patient whom she was still getting to know, and the next she was everything and more. She was the one that Lightning longed to wake up with and the one she had always fallen into an easy sleep with. She was the one that picked Lightning up when she needed it, and the one she could always turn to. She was the one person Lightning truly knew, inside and out.

Fang gathered Lightning into her arms, eager to feel Lightning's form against hers after so many years of longing. She could feel the slight tremble in Lightning's hands as they cupped her face, and was reminded of nearly every first kiss the two had shared. She fought the urge to smile as her heart beat faster. She was no longer a stranger in Lightning's eyes. She could feel it in the way Lightning kissed her; slowly, savouring the moment with warm open mouthed kisses. Lightning's kiss felt so familiar, Fang felt like she'd finally found her footing. Things were falling into place, she belonged in this world. No longer was she bound to live vicariously through her memories, cursing at her other selves for having what she so desperately wanted. Fang couldn't hold back her smile any longer.

Feeling Fang smile against her lips, Lightning briefly recalled that Fang was prone to grinning during a kiss. The Pulsian couldn't hold back when she was happy as well as Lightning could. The thought caused Lightning to smile into the kiss in return. How strange it was to simply _know_ Fang.

 _"Fang, I... I want you to have this."_ Lightning's own voice played through her head as she threaded her fingers through Fang's hair. The voices seamed to drift about her like motes of dust in a sunbeam before they settled and the world started to fade around her once again. This time she wasn't as alarmed as her senses started to fail but she felt a slight disappointment as the feeling of Fang's lips on hers became a numbing sensation until it disappeared completely and the world turned to nothing.

* * *

"... I can't take that, Light." Fang looked at her with earnest eyes.

"I _want_ you to have it." Lightning heard herself say again, and took Fang's hand in hers, turning her hand up as she placed her necklace into Fang's palm. "...So you won't forget."

Fang's hand trembled in Lightning's as she closed her hand tightly around the lightning bolt shaped necklace. "I could _never_ forget you."

The scene played out in front of Lightning's eyes again, but this time, she didn't question it. She simply watched as the memory unfolded in front of her, taking in the moment. The people around them walked on by in a hazy blur of unrecognizable words, leaving the two in their own still world. Around them, the environment was cast in various shades of grey, their details blurry and serving only as a backdrop to her true focus; Fang, who was vibrant by comparison. Lightning could see the flecks of colour in Fang's sorrow-filled eyes, the wild strands of hair that always fell beautifully on her face, the slight purse of her full lips. Everything Lightning had always loved shone lucidly in front of her.

Fang looked pained and after a small moment pulled Lightning to her chest and buried her face in Lightning's neck. Lightning could feel the soft breath on her skin as her body wrapped its arms tightly around Fang in return. "Go on... You're going to miss your train..." Lightning's voice was small.

Fang finally pulled away and looked Lightning in the eyes. She held her gaze on Lightning's for a brief moment before pulling her back in and pressing her lips to Lightning's own. A goodbye kiss, filled with everything she wanted Lightning to know. The sensation tingled across Lightning's lips and brought an end to the memory as the scene faded away.

* * *

As the memory wore away and reality settled in once again, Lightning felt Fang cradling her against her shoulder. Lightning let out a shaky breath as if she had stopped breathing. The memories and voices continued to wash over her leaving her nearly winded in Fang's arms. She balled Fang's scrubs into her hands, a gesture to reassure her that Fang wasn't about to step onto a train and walk out of her life. The memory felt so real, like it had just taken place. All the emotions that her other self had felt in the moment, Lightning felt too. Her head was throbbing with each new small memory but she ignored it and buried her face deeper into Fang taking in the scent of wildflowers.

"...you alright? You... zoned out again." Fang asked when she felt Lightning move her head against her shoulder.

Lightning nodded and breathed Fang in once again, letting the scent lull her into security like it always had in her past lives.

 _"I didn't want you to see this..."_ The memory of Fang's accented voice echoed with a distant distortion _._

_"Woah."_

Lightning's head felt like it was ready to split in two but the memories continued to come. She cringed in anticipation of the next one as the voices became clearer and her temples throbbed. Soon the world began to fade again and she dropped back into her memories.

* * *

"Yeah..." Fang hung her head in shame, avoiding Lightning's eyes as Lightning slowly walked by Fang and into her small apartment.

"It's... not that bad, Fang." It was a lie. The small room around them was barren save for some old run down amenities, a mattress on the floor and a few cheap pieces of makeshift furniture. An old industrial spool on its side served as a small table where Fang's textbooks sat. A single blanket spilled off the mattress in a heap, next to a lamp that sat on the floor, while Fang's limited wardrobe lay in a single pile at the end of the mattress. The room smelled of dust and something strange that one of Fang's neighbours had decided to cook for dinner.

"You _kiddin'_ , Light? When it rains I have to put a pot down to catch the _water_..." Fang scrunched up her face in slight anger. "I can't afford bette'... No one wants to hire a Pulsian."

Lightning bit her lip as she scanned the contemptible room. It certainly wasn't what anyone would call a home. "Fang," Lightning turned to Fang and lightly took her hand, "you know you can stay with _me_ , right?"

Fang puffed with a small sense of derision. "Yeah... I'm sure _that'd_ go down well with your ol' man. He hates me, Light."

Lightning shook her head. "My father doesn't _hate_ you. He just...well, he-"

"Hates Pulsians. In case you didn't know... _I'm_ a Pulsian."

"I hadn't noticed..." Lightning deadpanned back before sighing. "What are you gonna do, Fang? Live here until your schooling is done?"

"That's the _plan_." Fang sighed, the shame still clear on her face, but she tried to hide it. "Maybe after I get my degree, someone will actually hire me." She paused and made a face. "You're not... ashamed of me, are you?"

Lightning furrowed her brow. "Of course not..." She placed her arms over Fang's shoulders bringing them nose to nose. "Thank you."

"For _what?_ "

"Sharing yourself with me."

* * *

Lightning came too again, her temples pounding against her skull. She took a couple deep breaths to recover from the strange out of body-like experience. It was the oddest sensation to sit in on a memory so vivid and real but not be able to tell her body what to do. She was simply an observer of times gone by.

She felt the familiar feeling of Fang's arms still wrapped around her and let herself relax. Even with the constant wave of memories continually pulling her out of reality, she knew she could count on Fang to keep her secure.

Fang held her close and rubbed a warm hand at the back of Lightning's neck, letting her fingers run through her hair. She was providing Lightning with the support she needed in the moment as Lightning once again fought to stay in reality as another memory beckoned at the edge of her mind.

* * *

The room was awash with white flowers, or so Lightning assumed. It could just as easily be that she couldn't recall the colours and so they faded to white in her memory. Amongst the flowers were people dressed lavishly in intricate gowns and sharp black suits. They blurred slightly as she milled about, slow dancing and visiting amongst themselves.

"I took it upon myself to find you a date." It was Serah's voice this time, Lightning would know the sweet tones anywhere and she turned to her sister beside her.

"Serah," Lightning huffed in annoyance, "I don't need a date."

"Yeah? Well it's too late to back out now." Serah smiled. She was dressed in a beautiful white wedding gown, a glass of champagne in hand, and a sparkling new ring on her finger. "Consider it you're wedding gift to me."

Lightning frowned. "I already got you a wedding gift."

"And I will treasure my coffee maker dearly, but I thought it would be nice if you had someone to spend the evening with too..." Serah smiled slyly from behind her glass.

Lightning furrowed her brow and frowned more. "You got me a date to your _wedding_? Do you _really_ want me to ruin your day?"

Serah simply grinned. "Mom thought it was a good idea too, so you can't pin it _all_ on me."

"Of course she did..."

"Relax, sis. I know your type. Tall, dark, and handsome, right?"

Lightning sighed and ran a hand through her pink hair. "Serah... My type is... well..." Lightning fought to find the words. She really hadn't planned to come out to her sister on the girl's wedding day but she was backed into a corner.

"Ah, there she is!" Serah excitedly waved across the room.

Lightning raised her brows. "She?" Lightning followed Serah's line of site to where a tall, dark haired woman was making her way through the see of blurry faces. _Fang._ Lightning wanted to smile at the sight of Fang dressed sharply in a black suit, but her body didn't comply as the Lightning in her memory didn't know Fang just yet. Instead she felt her body's heart beat quicken and her palms begin to sweat slightly as Fang made her way towards them.

* * *

The memory disappeared as quickly as it had come and Lightning found herself back in Fang's warm hold. Fang was right. They found each other every time. She could slip in and out of vivid memories but even those she didn't step into, she could still recall. Lifetime after lifetime, and reality after reality, they always found each other. Every class that could divide them was never enough to keep them apart. It was as if Etro had bound their souls together in Valhalla and they were drawn together in the visible world by her guiding hand.

 _"No. No. No. No... Get up!"_ Lightning jolted slightly in Fang's arms as the words ran through her mind. She could hear the pain in her own pleading voice. Fear suddenly washed over her and she could feel everything fading away again. She fought to stay in reality, afraid of what was to come but it came all the same.

* * *

"Fang! Get up!" Adrenaline coursed through Lightning's body as she pushed the heal of her palm into Fang's chest in a rhythmic pattern. Over and over again, she pumped Fang's chest until her arms ached and she felt Fang's ribs crack from the pressure. " _Fang!_ " She yelled again.

Her entire body was trembling with adrenaline as she tried desperately to revive Fang. She watched as the colour drained from her face and as time went on her panic only increased. Tears formed along her eyes and she felt them fall freely onto Fang as she worked to keep Fang's heart pumping.

She periodically leaned over her, pinched her nose closed and breathed into Fang's lungs, filling them with air. She tried to keep the trembling to a minimum, knowing that any mistake could cost her Fang's life.

Lightning was so caught up in the scene that she briefly forgot it wasn't _her_ reality. She felt it with all the same intensity and fear as she had when it had actually happened. Every nerve ending that fired, every hot tear that rolled down her cheek, every chocked sob. She relived it all.

* * *

Lightning gasped and felt the tight hold of Fang's arms still around her. Hot tears were running down her cheeks and her body shook with the same fear she'd just remembered. She held desperately to Fang as she tried to push the memory from her mind but the thought of losing Fang seemed to trigger more memories. She could recall countless times as she watched Fang die and each small memory broke her heart again and again. The image of Fang laying in various hospital beds, or battlefields. In accidents and worse.

She shook harder and placed a hand over her mouth to muffle the pain.

"Lightnin'! Look at me!" Fang pulled Lightning back, placing her hands on her cheeks, fear and worry evident in her eyes. "It's okay! You're okay!"

"I-..." Lightning was gasping for air. "I can't- I can-"

"Focus, Light. Focus on me." Fang fought to get Lightning's attention and after a moment Lightning's eyes found Fang's. She kept her eyes focused on hers and tried desperately to control her breathing. "That's it. Deep breaths... Nice and slow..." Fang slowly stroked Lightning's face with her thumb as her breathing started to slow. She appeared to calm down as she kept her attention focused on Fang and after a moment her eyelids began to fall. She fought to keep them open but the overload of emotions seamed too much for her to handle and eventually they closed and Lightning slumped forward into Fang.

"Light?" There was no response, but the body in Fang's arms had stopped trembling and kept even breathes. " _Light._ " She tried again but still, Lightning was unresponsive.

Fang furrowed her brow in worry and adjusted Lightning in her arms so she could see her face. The panic Lightning had shown only moments ago had disappeared and was replaced with a quiet, serene expression. Fang tapped her fingers against Lightning's cheek in an attempt to wake her but all she received was a soft moan of what she could only describe as annoyance from the girl. The small moan was a slight reassurance and Fang sighed a small sigh of relief before tenderly wiping away the wet trails along Lightning's cheeks and placing a soft kiss to her forehead.

She studied Lightning's sleeping face and bit her lip, not sure on what to do. She had been relieved when she had seen the loving eyes of her Lightning looking back at her. The lifetimes of love were clear in those eyes. Her heart had leapt into her throat when she recognized that gaze. She knew in that very moment that Lightning finally knew her and the kiss... The kiss sealed it all. It had been everything she remembered and more. She'd been waiting her entire life for that moment. Waiting for the day Lighting would melt against her. But this... She knitted her brow in worry at the limp body in her arms. She hadn't expected _this_...

Fang pulled a small face, debating with herself whether or not to call for help. Would Lightning even _want_ her to call for help? No one but Lightning and Vanille believed Fang, would they even believe Lightning? Would they end up putting her on stress leave or mandating she have herself evaluated?

Fang thought back on all her experiences with Lightning and made a decision to wait. Lightning was never fond of being fussed over, unless it was life threatening, but the easy breathing and the small flutter of Lightning's eyes moving under her eyelids was enough to reassure Fang that she'd merely passed out.

She tucked an arm behind Lightning's back and another under her knees, picking her up and carrying her to the red chaise chair before laying her out. Fang adjusted Lightning on the chaise into a more comfortable position before she crouched beside her and wrapped an arm protectively around her, softly stroking Lightning's back. "Light?" She tried again but the woman was still passed out.

It was clear that Lightning had begun remembering. She didn't have to say it, but Fang knew. She knew how easy it was to become overwhelmed as one memory could trigger another and another and another. She'd spent many evenings travelling down dark roads in her own mind. The more intense the memory, the easier it was to fixate on it and every other one like it. But even knowing this, Fang worried. She'd never experienced something so intense that she blacked out before. Lightning almost looked like she stepped out of reality time and again... Her stare would fixate in the distance and she would no longer react to what was around her. Something Fang herself couldn't recall ever having gone through.

Fang chewed on her lip slightly and brushed Lightning's rose coloured hair behind her ear. She sighed slightly and let her hand rest on Lightning's cheek. "Don't you worry, Light. I've got you." She wasn't sure if Lightning could hear her but she had to say something. Though she wasn't sure if it was to reassure Lightning or to reassure herself.

* * *

 


	12. Chapter 12

Lightning stirred gently, her eyebrows furrowing as she let out a soft groan. A splitting headache wracked at her temples. She thought of opening her eyes, but the pain caused her to hesitate. It was the soft touch on her cheek and the melodic voice that eventually convinced her to pry her eyes open again.

"Hey you... Don't you _scare_ me like that..."

"Fang?" Lightning asked, her voice horse with sleep. She furrowed her eyebrows as her vision started to focus. Lightning let out a soft groan, cringing in slight pain as she made to sit up. She glanced around herself to gather her surroundings. They were still in her quite office, golden rays of light shining in through the blinds and catching motes of dust in their beams as they cast contrasting shadows over the room. Though she was unsure of just how much time had passed, she could tell by the sunlight it couldn't be too late in the day. "What happened?"

Fang gave a weak frown in response. "You don't remember?"

Lightning let out a small puff of amusement as she rubbed at her temple. "Oh... I remember plenty." Images of her past lives flashed across her mind in small fragments. She tried not to focus on any one for too long, worried that she'd be pulled out her reality once again. It was strange though, she felt it more than she knew it, but she had a new found wealth of hazy knowledge. Little things like Fang's shoe size, or the mannerisms she would grow into as she got older, the smell of her father's cologne... Lighting's stomach tightened and her breath hitched.

"Dad..." Lightning cringed as a memory of her late father pricked at the edges of her mind, tempting her to let go and relive all the things she'd never get to experience with the man. Instead she grabbed Fang's hand beside her on the chaise and squeezed it tight. A part of her wanted to give in and let her mind run with the memory, but she couldn't let go like that again... She could still feel where her tears had dried on her cheeks. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths as she focused on the feeling of Fang's hand under hers. "Does this... go away?"

Fang frowned as she watched Lightning struggle with her mind. "I... don't know... I don't think I've ever experienced them with the same intensity you are..."

 _"Woah! You're a quick one, aren't you? Faster than a bolt of lightning!"_ The sound of her father's voice pulled at her resolve and Lightning fought to stay in the moment. She could feel the memory in her chest. It was a happy one... but she couldn't let herself experience it. She'd blocked out so much of her memories over the years in order to protect herself, only to have hundreds of thousands of new memories thrust upon her in a single moment. It had been too much for her. Her mind had shut down like an internal circuit breaker had been flipped in order to protect her. She didn't want to experience that again.

"It's okay, Light." Fang winced at the tight grip on her hand. She knew Lightning better than anyone. She knew that Lightning wouldn't want the reminders of the people she'd lost. She would rather forget and move forward. It was how she coped, but now she was faced with lifetimes of memories she wouldn't be able to forget. There was no running from it anymore."...It might seem like a curse now, Light... and yeah... they're not all pretty. In fact... some are downright horrid, but some of them... they'll pull you through when you need them most." She squeezed Lightning's hand back, in a comforting gesture.

Lightning let out a sigh, focusing on the feeling of Fang's hand. She concentrated on the warmth of the smooth skin under her fingertips. She leveled her breathing and blocked out her mind to take in the moment. It was a technique she'd taught to many of her patients. Learning to focus on the immediate surroundings and one's own body could stave off panic attacks and other stresses. It took a moment but eventually her father's voice seemed to fade away and she was left with the quite stillness of her office once again. She let out a shaky breath and finally opened her eyes, resolved to focus on the moment.

"Fang?"

"Hmm?" Fang gently ran her thumb over Lightning's hand, wishing she could do more to help her.

"I have some Advil in my top left drawer... Could you-"

"Of course." Fang gave Lightning's hand one last squeeze before she stood up and made her way to her desk, immediately longing for the contact again.

Lightning hunched over, resting her elbows on her knees as she rubbed at her aching skull. She listened as Fang rummaged around in her desk drawer for her Advil bottle and felt the smallest smile pull at her lips. "A few days ago you were just a stranger..."

Fang perked up and paused in her search, instead meeting Lightning's eyes.

"but... Looking at you now... it's like I was missing a part of my soul and I didn't even know it." Lightning gave Fang a small almost sad smile. Fang returned the soft look before pulling the Advil bottle from the desk drawer.

"I know." Fang cast her eyes to the bottle in her hand and as she did, noticed one of her cardboard boxes of art and journals sitting under Lightning's desk. She winced slightly at the sight of it. Fang knew exactly what she had been missing. She knew. It was all right there in that box. All the heart ache and longing. The sleepless nights. The confusion and anger. There was never a time she could remember where she hadn't longed for Lightning to be at her side. Fang had been missing that sense of wholeness her entire life.

The small grimace didn't go unnoticed by Lightning. "I'm sorry, Fang."

Fang shook her head and let out an amused puff of air. "For what?"

"For making you go it alone."

Fang gave Lightning an amused smile back. "No more of that then, yeah?"

Lightning's featherweight smile and nod was all it took. Fang had been waiting her whole life for the future she would share with Lightning, and now she knew it was here. It was finally a reality. Lightning and her seemed bound to be together no matter what reality they found themselves in. The blue eyed woman of Fang's memories was bound to her, just as much as Fang was bound to her.

"Yeah." Fang said softly. She took a moment longer to admire Lightning before she gave a small chuckle and turned back to the bottle before popping a couple pills into her palm and putting the bottle back.

Fang knew Lightning was fine with downing her pills dry, but she grabbed Lightning's mug of tea anyway and handed it to her with the pills.

"Thank you..." Lightning said, tilting her head back as she popped the two tablets into her mouth and immediately washed it down with her tea. She made a small face as she swallowed and stared at her mug. The tea had lost most of its heat and had become lukewarm. She glanced to the clock on her wall and raised her eyebrows. "We're almost out of time..."

"Well it's a damn good thing you decided to wake up then isn't it?" Fang joked as she sat down on the chaise next to Lightning.

Lightning didn't smile though. She'd only just gotten Fang and yet she knew that soon another patient would be knocking on her door and she would have to say goodbye. Even though she knew the parting would only be temporary, she felt the longing to stay with Fang and drink her in as long as she could. She sighed heavily as she set her mug down and leaned against Fang, feeling the familiar comfort wash over her as Fang instinctively wrapped an arm around her in return. "Where do we go from here?"

"Well," Fang said, leaning her head against the top of Lightning's own, "how do I go about discharging myself so I can take you out tonight?"

Lightning let out a small laugh. Fang was always so eager. Funny how she knew that now. "It's not quite that easy. You can't just discharge yourself."

Fang furrowed her brow. "Why not? I'm here voluntarily."

"Yeah, and when you committed yourself you entrusted yourself to our care... which means _we_ say when you can leave or not."

Fang pulled a face. "Well, then tell them I can leave."

Lighting smiled and nuzzled farther into Fang, enjoying the moment. "You have to write a three-day letter, requesting to leave. That goes to the medical director, and then he and the board will have three days to decide if you're ready to leave..."

Fang groaned. "They wouldn't let me leave... would they?"

Lightning seemed to gain some kind of amused satisfaction from Fang's predicament. "No, probably not. But... Maybe I can help convince them. If you agree to on site therapy a few times a week, and behave yourself over the next few days, then maybe."

Fang groaned again but deferred to Lightning's judgement. "Alright... " Fang was eager to start living again. She knew that this day was the defining day that would cut her life into its before and after. "You know, Light. I think we've made a major breakthrough today..." Fang joked and a second later she could hear Lightning groan next to her.

"Maybe we should just end this now... Go our own way... see other people." Lighting teased back with her trademark monotone. "Come on." Lightning lightly slapped Fang on the thigh before managing to pull herself away from her. She moved to her desk with Fang following after. She produced a piece of paper and handed Fang a black pen.

"What do I write?"

"It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Just tell them that you're requesting to be released, you've agreed to on site therapy with me, and that you don't believe yourself to be a threat to your own safety."

Fang made a face. She wasn't exactly the most formal person but she relented and wrote down essentially what Lightning had said and signed and dated it. "There."

"Just take that to the front desk and ask them to give it to the medical director."

Fang nodded and folded up the piece of paper, placing it in the little breast pocket on the front of her scrubs. Fang took a glance at the clock to see the second hand was nearly at the top of the hour and sighed. She didn't want her hour to end. As if on cue there was a knock on the door.

"I'll be with you in a minute." Lightning called back before she looked to Fang and shared in her dejection. She bit her lip for a second before she took Fang's hand and pulled her in, risking the intensity that could pull her back into her memories. She met Fang's lips with hers once more. The feeling of belonging once again washed over the two as they kissed and took each other in. Fang stepped closer needing to feel Lightning's body right against her own and bit back the urge to moan when Lightning's hands found their way into her wild hair. The feeling of Lightning's soft lips melding with her own sent an immediate ache between her thighs and Fang found herself kissing back with a sense of need that Lightning seemed to recognize in an instant. Though Lightning knew Fang intimately now, she didn't need the lifetimes worth of memories to tell her what kind of effect the kiss was having on Fang and so she placed a hand to Fang's shoulder and pulled away.

"Mmm... but-"

"Go on..." Lightning said with a soft smile as she lamentably removed Fang's hands from sides. She missed the contact instantly but one of them had to be strong enough to end the kiss, and she knew it wouldn't be Fang. It never was. Fang would let herself drown if Lightning kissed her in a rising body of water, she was almost sure of it.

Fang sighed with a grin and reluctantly opened the door and left as Lightning's next patient entered after her. She resisted the urge to shout to the rooftops and instead pulled her letter from her pocket and made for the front desk, past other patients and techs. Her mind was reeling with excitement. She felt as though she'd just won the lottery and couldn't tell anyone. She wanted to brag and celebrate and yet she knew that if she started yelling about how her doctor had been kissing her, Lightning would very quickly be out of a job.

"You're in an awfully good mood today." Miss. Read stated as she jogged up next to Fang, a friendly smile on her face.

"You could say that." Fang grinned, holding herself back as she fiddled with the paper in her hand. "Had a major breakthrough in therapy... So, I'm giving them my three-day letter." Fang held up the piece of paper for Miss Read to see.

Miss. Read frowned. "You haven't even been here a week... are you sure that's wise?"

Fang grinned and flung an arm around Miss. Read's shoulder, startling the young woman. "I promise ya, this is what I want. Besides, you'll still see me around! Doctor Farron is still gonna be treatin' me."

Miss. Read's frown didn't disappear. "And Doctor Farron approved of this?"

"Don't you worry 'bout me, alright? I've never been better." Fang grinned before finally letting the tech go. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a letter to deliver and a phone call to make."

Fang gave Miss. Read a quick wink and was off down the pale green tiled hall, leaving the young woman reeling from the strangely exuberant patient. She'd be sure to keep an eye on Fang's mood over the next few days until the board made a decision on her request. She'd hate to see Fang's health go pair-shaped.

Fang slipped the woman at the front desk her letter and the woman took it with a nod, inserting it into a small cubby that was already filled with papers, waiting to be delivered to the medical director. Fang said her thanks, leaving the woman to her work, and made her way to the black phones that lined the walls. She didn't have to wait long before one became available and she immediately picked up the phone and dialed with muscle memory. She could barely hold back her excitement as she waited for Vanille to pick up the phone. After three rings, Vanille picked up with a cheerful greeting.

"Vanille!" Fang had never been so happy to hear Vanille's voice.

"Fang! I'm coming to see you later today," she giggled. It was so nice for her to hear Fang clearly happy for a change. "Couldn't wait to hear my voice, huh?"

"Vanille," Fang grinned into the phone, "she remembers me."

Lightning sat in her office as Melissa, a middle aged woman, laid on the chaise chair she'd just woken up on ten minutes earlier. The doctor sat in her desk chair, a clipboard in hand as she took notes and worked to treat the woman who'd been having multiple panic attacks a day since her son moved out. All she wanted was to let her aching mind wander and think about Fang but she had already experienced what a wandering mind could cause earlier in the week when she'd ignored the plight of a patient so she pushed Fang to the back of her mind and ignored the tingle that still sat on her lips.

"He _said_ I shouldn't worry, but he's never been on his own before. I've been washing his shorts his entire life... he's probably wearing dirty underpants right now." The woman fretted and sighed heavily.

"I know it's hard to hear, but this could be a good thing for both you and Jake. He's relied on you for so long, he hasn't needed to learn to do these things on his own, just as you've relied on being a mother for so long, you don't know anything else... I want you to find a hobby."

"You think that will help with the anxiety?"

"I do... You enjoy nurturing and watching things grow, perhaps gardening would be a good outlet for you." Lightning suggested. She was almost surprised at herself for being able to listen to the woman after she'd experienced her own life-altering event just minutes earlier, but if there was one thing Lightning was, it was disciplined.

The longer the session went, the less and less her head hurt, until eventually her headache had faded away. When the time had come to say goodbye to Melissa, Lightning fought the urge to usher the woman out as fast as she could. Eventually the older woman thanked her for her time and left her office and Lightning was left with some time to think.

She sat back in her chair in her now quite office and stared at the cold mug of tea that Fang hadn't finished and thought of all the things that had changed in an instant. She thought back on the memories that had rushed into her head and then something strange happened. She could recall that she had remembered lifetimes of events, and yet when she tried to pull one up, it was dull or in some cases just gone. She knew she'd remembered Fang in a suit... across a room, but that was it. No details came to mind to bring the memory to life once again.

She shook her head slightly and furrowed her brow, trying again. It was as if the memories were there, just under the surface, but she couldn't reach them. They were all hazy shells of what she had known just an hour before. She knew that Fang was the one person who stole her heart in every reality and yet she couldn't recall much more than what she'd learned about her in the past week.

She squinted at the cup of tea, almost glaring at it. She fought with herself to remember what she'd prepped Fang's tea with but it wouldn't come. She pulled the mug to her and peered into it noting the creamy colour and sweet smell. "Right... Sugar and cream... She likes sugar and cream." She said to herself as if trying to remember, but she didn't. It was just... haze. She knew that the flood of memories had hit her, she _knew_ she had felt the overwhelming love for Fang, she _knew_ that Fang would always be the one who stole her heart, and yet it felt like she'd just woken up from a dream she couldn't quite recall.

She rubbed at the back of her neck and closed her eyes, trying harder and harder to invoke the memories that she had tried so hard to fight off just an hour earlier, and yet nothing but blurry remnants came to her. She felt a sense of shame wash over her, feeling as though she'd just failed Fang. She wanted more than anything to remember everything about Fang and yet she could strain and strain and come up with nothing.

"What the hell?" Lightning groaned to herself. The day had been a wild ride to say the least. She remembered thousands of lifetimes in a moment and an hour later couldn't recall a single one with any sense of clarity. How was is even possible to forget what she'd just experienced. She looked to the cardboard box that still sat by her feet and pulled it up onto her desk with a thud. She hoped that by reading a few of Fang's stories, it might jump start her memory again, and so she pulled a few pages at random from the pile.

She positioned the small stack in front of her and took a deep breath, preparing herself for the read. The familiar faint scent of wildflowers drifted from the pages and before she could even read a word on the page she felt it. Her temples once again thrummed lightly and little memories started to prick at the corners of her mind. Nothing as strong or as overwhelming as when she'd been close to Fang, but they were there, she was sure of it.

"One cream, three sugars..." She said quietly to herself and furrowed her brow. She pulled the papers closer to her and breathed in Fang's scent again and little memories started to flit about like loose papers in the wind. "Curious." Lightning already knew that the sense of smell was closely linked to memory, but this she hadn't expected. It was Fang's scent that seemed to have triggered the dam to collapse and bring with it the flood of memories earlier. Without Fang, the memories seemed to fade away until Lightning could no longer recall them. She pulled the papers to her face again and took another deep breath.

 


	13. Chapter 13

Lightning's headache had long since faded, and as the day wound down and she got to the last of her appointments, she thought about what was to come next. Her possible future was in the same building as her, and had been waiting her whole life for Lightning, and Lightning could hardly remember the woman.

Lightning had pulled up one of Fang's boxes and placed it on her desk and simply stared at it as she thought. It must have taken Fang thousands of hours to accumulate the mass amounts of documents over the years. Each page was a different memory from some life or another. Each drawing a labour of love. Lightning sighed to herself. She felt like a failure. Fang could remember all the finer details of Lightning's lives. She knew her favourite pastimes, her favourite teas, the books she would read whenever it rained outside, and yet Lightning couldn't remember a thing about Fang. At least not without some help.

The pages held enough of Fang's scent to evoke her emotions, and play with ideas at the edges of her mind, but it was nothing compared to the torrent she'd experienced in Fang's presence. The pages were just a light tease of a much larger tapestry. While the explosion of memories earlier had been frightening, Lightning could admit that she longed for it again. She longed to feel that sense of belonging, that sense of home she found in Fang's arms.

She glanced to the clock on her wall, her shift was nearly over. She frowned. Serah had always maintained that her sister was a bit of a workaholic, and Lightning would freely admit to that, but she'd never wanted to clock in overtime as much as she did now. She was scheduled the next two days off, and while she knew that she could use a rest after such an eventful week, she wasn't ready to relax just yet. She was certain that she would end up back at work the next day, regardless of what her schedule said. Even if it was just for an hour or so. That way she could visit Fang, and weigh in on the board over Fang's request to leave.

Lightning eventually stood up from her desk and eyed the box she had set on her desk, and resolved to bring it home with her. There was more than enough in that one box to last her the weekend, she was sure. That way, even though she might not be able to see Fang much, she'd still get to learn more about her. Maybe even figure out just how Fang was able to remember everything while she couldn't. Fang had been pretty sure that it was Etro's doing. A way to guide the two soulmates into meeting one another. A long con of fateful events that lead Fang right to Lightning. If that were true, Lightning wasn't so sure there would ever be a way to prove it.

Lightning gathered her things, and pulled on her jacket before lifting the heavy box into her arms and making her way out the door. She gave the door a quick lock, and nodded to passing doctors and techs as she made her way to the exit. Once outside, she made her way across the parking lot and popped the trunk on her white sports car placing the box gingerly into the trunk before closing it again. She glanced back at the building and felt a small ache in her chest. She knew she couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Fang and so she made her way back into the building.

She walked with a purpose through the double doors and made her way towards Fang's room, ignoring the waling traveling down the hall from the cafeteria where someone was acting up. The sounds echoed through the building with ease and Lightning felt a small wave of sympathy wash over her for the people who were stuck in there, wanting the comforts of their home but instead having to listen to the pain of the other patients around them. Surely the disturbances didn't help anyone with their recovery. Patients like Melissa who she'd helped earlier in the day, would do incredibly poorly in such an environment. She thought of Fang and grimaced. She already knew that Fang was no stranger to adventure and havoc but she still wanted better for her. Hopefully soon, Fang would be back in the world and at her side.

The halls were mostly empty. One tech was travelling down the far end of the corridor, checking in on the patients who were in their rooms, making sure they were all safe and Lightning figured she would have a good two or three minutes before he would get to Fang's room, and so she wasted no time as she came to room thirteen. She gave a quick knock and immediately pushed open the door to see Fang leaning against the wall with her arms crossed looking surprised to see her.

"Light?" Fang furrowed her brow slightly and gave a lopsided grin at the welcomed surprise and Lightning felt her heart flutter slightly. She immediately closed the distance between them, pressing herself firmly against Fang's body and buried her face into Fang's neck breathing her in deeply. She wrapped her arms tightly around Fang and let out the deep breath. Her headache came back in an instant but so did everything else. She felt her head spin with all the memories flooding her senses again and she shook slightly from the experience, somewhat relieved that she knew she could trigger them again and they weren't lost after they had faded away the first time.

She left her face buried in Fang's neck a moment longer, making sure to take in as much of Fang's scent as she could, short of falling into one of her vivid memories. Fang eagerly wrapped her arms around Lightning in return and glanced to the little window on her door, making sure they were okay to share in their moment together. "You alright, Light?"

Lightning moaned slightly at the pounding sensation in her temples, but the pain was worth the trade off. She pulled back before cupping Fang's cheeks and pulling the slightly taller woman down into a kiss. She would only have so long before the tech made his way to Fang's door and so she didn't hesitate. She needed to kiss Fang now. All the memories and the feelings had flooded back to her and she felt that sense of belonging once again. That feeling that Fang was and would always be her safe place, even if they were in the heat of battle.

Fang only hesitated for half a second before indulging in the feeling of Lightning's soft lips. She'd longed for too many years that not even Etro herself would be able to stop Fang from giving in to Lightning. It was a tender and loving kiss that sent an inviting chill down Fang's entire body and she had to fight off the urge to chuckle as she heard Vanille whisper a stunned "Wow," from across the room.

Lightning however, upon hearing the voice, stiffened. She hadn't taken note of the room when she had entered, and had gained tunnel vision when she'd spotted Fang, and made her way directly into her arms. Lightning pulled back from Fang slowly and straightened herself out, smoothing out her dress shirt and jacket before hesitantly turning to see Vanille, perched at the foot of Fang's small bed. The red head was sucking her lips in an attempt to keep herself from laughing. Her eyes were wide with amusement as she managed to suppress her giggles.

Lightning immediately stepped back into her role as a professional, as though she hadn't just burst into one of her patients rooms for a quick make out session. "Nice to see you again, Vanille." Lightning forced the words out and Vanille couldn't hold back any longer and started rolling with laughter on Fang's bed.

"It's true!" Vanille laughed tossing her head back in delight.

Lightning stood indignantly as she watched the now familiar girl laugh in amusement. Normally Lightning would feel an intense heat of embarrassment or anger given the situation but instead she found herself simply taking Vanille in. The fairy like laughing was all too familiar a sound. Just like how she'd come to know Fang again in a matter of seconds, the memories of Vanille came too. She was Fang's best and closest friend in each and every lifetime. She was to Fang what Serah was to Lightning and it was strangely heartwarming just to witness the girl's familiar giggling. Vanille was a part of their chosen family, a tight knit group of friends that always seemed to come together. A few other faces passed through her mind at the thought and she seemed to immediately know them, even though she knew she'd yet to meet them.

Vanille was just as bright and lively as Lightning seemed to recall her being. She was exactly who she was in this timeline as she was in any other. It was a strange experience of confirmation. Like seeing someone's soul. They could live their life in any number of ways but their soul would always shine through.

Lightning glanced back to Fang who was trying to fight back her own laugh. Fang's soul was always the same too. She wasn't as predictable as Vanille, but she could see it in Fang's green eyes that she was the same soul that always seemed to find her. She bit her lip, feeling an aching in her chest to have her close once again, but resisted, knowing that the tech could be just seconds from checking Fang's room.

Instead she offered Fang a small and modestly embarrassed smile, "I take it you told her..."

Fang let out a little chuckle and grinned, once again folding her arms across her chest. " _Yeah_  I did." there was a hint of pride in Fang's husky voice. She took a quick glance at Vanille who was wiping away amused tears from her eyes before grinning back at Lightning. "Little cretin is never goin' to let up about it now, you know."

Lightning let out an amused puff of air as Vanille slowly managed to get herself under control. "This is all just so strange!" Vanille exclaimed. "Do you really remember her?!" Vanille asked as she finally managed to right herself on the bed.

Lightning nodded, trying not to let herself get infected by Vanille's cheerfulness.

Vanille clasped her hands together and glanced in awe between Lightning and Fang, happy to know that Fang had really truly found her soulmate after all her years of aching loneliness. She let out a small squeak of happiness, and Fang could already see the tears welling up in Vanille's eyes.

"Don't you start cryin' now..."

"I'm not... crying..." Vanille said, a light sob in the middle of her sentence and Fang shook her head before sitting down next to the girl and wrapping an arm around her back. "I'm just... So happy... A week ago you were... you were."

"Hey, don't you even think about that, alright?"

Vanille nodded, though the silent tears had already started down her cheeks. Lightning grimaced slightly, reminded again of what it was that had brought Fang to the hospital in the first place and once again, Lightning felt that guilt in her chest that she hadn't been there for Fang when Fang's life was coming apart. She sighed and pursed her lips slightly. "Fang?"

"Hmm?" Fang looked up from her spot next to Vanille.

Lightning frowned slightly and Fang cocked her head to the side at the gesture, understanding that Lightning needed to talk to her. Fang rubbed Vanille's small shoulders once more, "Alright... I'll deal with you in a second." She said to the small girl before coming to stand next to Lightning.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just... " Lightning made a small face, "When you left my office earlier, the memories... they started to fade."

Fang frowned slightly and Lightning immediately recognized the worry behind the frown. She set out to soothe Fang's worry and continued.

"I think it's your scent."

Fang made a face. "My scent?"

"Yeah... it's strange but ... when I'm near you, it all just comes crashing back again." Lightning pressed to her temple unconsciously. "I think it's what broke the initial barrier around my memories..."

"What about now... do you remember me right now?" Fang kept her voice down, well aware of how sound travelled in the tiled structure and knowing that there was always a tech somewhere nearby.

Lightning nodded her head. "Yeah... it came back as soon as I held you."

Fang pursed her lips slightly before she got an idea and turned to the large metal cupboard bolted to the side of her room. She pulled out her bag and rummaged around in it for a second before pulling out an oversized black and blue hooded sweatshirt. "This smell like me?" She asked as she handed the hoodie over to Lightning.

Lightning cocked a brow at Fang before bringing it up to her face. The distinct smell of earthy wildflowers Lightning associated with Fang had infused the sweater. Lightning closed her eyes for a second, indulging in the scent and letting the small memories it evoked run through her mind. Her temples throbbed with their presence and she nodded to Fang as she pulled the sweater away and made to hand it back to her.

"Keep it."

Lightning didn't fight it. At that moment, she only really wanted one thing; to remember Fang the way Fang remembered her... and so she rolled the hoodie up into a tight bundle and tucked it against her chest, nodding her thanks to Fang. She didn't have to say anything, she knew Fang wanted the same thing, and if one article of clothing could help Lightning remember her, than Fang wouldn't hesitate to part with it.

Fang gave Lightning a small smile as she imagined her at home, a book in hand, a hot mug of tea on the side table, and Lightning snug in Fang's hoodie on the couch. Something about the idea gave her a warm sense of pride. Maybe it was just knowing that Lightning would be thinking of her even when they weren't together that did it. Or maybe it was the symbolic gesture that came from Lightning wearing something that belonged to her, but whatever it was, Fang couldn't help but hold back her smile.

Lightning fought to keep her own smile at bay but with the fresh memories, she was aware of the thoughts that must have been passing through Fang's head. It seemed that in countless lives, the sight of her wearing Fang's clothes was one of Fang's favourite things.

Lightning tried not to dwell on it for too long for fear she might slip into a vivid memory and pass out again. If it happened again here, it would just complicate things for the both of them and so she pushed the thought to the back of her mind. "I have the next two days off..." Lightning said, almost apologetically.

Fang frowned slightly but quickly recovered with a half smile. "Maybe I'll be out by then."

"Yeah." Lightning smiled softly at the idea. "But I'll make an excuse to come by on my days off anyway..."

Fang gave an amused puff at the idea. "I'd like that."

Lightning nodded at the small agreement and turned her eyes to Vanille who'd been watching them and trying to keep herself together. The small girl hadn't seen Fang so content in all her life and once again, tears prickled at her eyes, waiting to fall. Seeing that Vanille still needed tending to, Lightning said her goodbyes to the two, and briefly squeezed Fang's hand before she left.

* * *

With Fang's cardboard box next to her and her legs curled up underneath her, Lightning settled down for a night of reading on her couch. Just as before, the distance from Fang caused her memories to slowly fade and Lightning was determined to remember it all again. Fang felt so much a part of her now that the idea of losing that cosmic connection to her seemed like a heartache that not even the most renowned philosophers could put to words. Even though the connection was new and her mind was still trying to comprehend everything that had happened, her heart was already addicted to Fang. It almost seemed that the two hearts shared a piece of the other's soul and pulled at fate itself to be together and Lightning wasn't going to try to stop them.

She pulled Fang's hooded sweatshirt on and pulled out a few sheets of paper from the box that were weighted with ink, starting in on her self appointed homework. With the refresher in hand and the light scent of earthy wildflowers about her, she began to read. It seemed almost sudden how quickly it all came back. Even the writing on the page was familiar to her. She had seen it thousands of times before and felt like she would recognize Fang's handwriting anywhere. Even the stories that were written in the winding Pulsian script were easy for her to read, something she had always struggled with up until now.

Lightning marveled silently at the idea that inside her mind there was a wealth of knowledge and skills that she simply wasn't aware existed. She was curious to know just what other little things she already knew that she was unaware of. She placed the thought to the back of her mind and let her mind take in the words on the page. Very quickly she felt her face start to flush.

_It was just like all the others, the connection was there from the start. She was almost timid, in the way Lightning is when it comes to physical contact... and I was eager. The way I am. I remember being surprised by how much she let me get away with. I knew we were "just friends" but no one else would have been given the same leeway I was. It always amazes me how quickly Lightning is to let me get away with something that she wont let anyone else get away with. It's about as close to flirting Lightning usually gets._

_It started off small, little gestures to an outside observer, but they meant the world to me. An arm around her shoulders, or a hand on the small of her back. Things that anyone would see and not think twice about, but I felt it. My confidence or maybe it's my arrogance, pushed it farther. I always need to find how far I can push it, and I'm always amazed at how far she lets me. It didn't take long before I had her trembling under my touch. I bit her neck, I kissed her jaw, I nibbled on her earlobe and never once did she make to push me away. Instead she drew me closer. It was an adrenaline rush that only Lighting could ever cause and it spurred me on. Our "just friendship" was forgotten just like that. Our lips found each other's and before long her confidence grew. I love how fast she gains confidence in the bedroom. It's like something about her needs the permission to let go and just go for it. I like knowing that I can give her that. That she feels comfortable enough with me to do with me what she wont with anyone else..._

Lightning wetted her lips as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back, taking in a deep breath and with it Fang's scent. Her mind searched for that memory. It ran through many iterations of similar situations. It seemed that it was pretty common place for the two to move from "just friends" to something more. Sometimes it was actually Lightning herself who initiated the relationship, often after years of yearning, but more often then not, it was Fang who took the first step. She was more likely to pursue something risky than Lightning was. It was just... who she was.

The throbbing in her temples intensified and Lightning could feel a memory that fit the records flit across her mind. She was unsure if it was the one Fang had described but with so many that fell into the category, Lightning didn't think it mattered.

* * *

"Looks good on you."

"Does it?"

"Mm." Fang gave a soft moan of approval, reaching out in order to grab Lightning's hand and pull her back around. At the tugging on her hand, Lightning turned away from the mirror and set her eyes back on Fang who grinned at her with an approving smile.

The small neckless sparkled at the center of Lightning's chest, the morning light refracting vibrantly through the amethyst stone. Fang bent down slightly to appraise the way it looked on her and nodded.

"I think it looks better on you than it does on me." Fang laughed and the laugh caused Lightning to smile softly.

"Maybe..." Lightning said, a hint of disagreement in her voice.

Fang cocked her head slightly at the tiny vocal shift. She slowly reached up and slipped two fingers under the chain, trailing the backs of her fingers down the exposed skin of Lightning's collar before reaching the rock. It was a thinly vailed gesture and Lightning's body knew it when the hair on the back of her neck prickled at the soft sensation. "No... it does." Fang smiled, a softness in her expression when Lightning met her gaze.

Lightning felt herself swallow and the chill spread from the back of her neck and down her spine. She wanted Fang to caress her fingers along her skin again but couldn't bring herself to ask her to. Fang seemed to read her mind and once again the fingers trailed up along the chain and along her skin until eventually they came to rest at the back. "Though... it might look a little better up here..." Fang pulled the chain up a short ways, letting her fingers play slightly at Lightning's hair while bringing the amethyst upwards to sit just below her throat. "Don't you think?"

Lightning swallowed and tried not to tremble at the touch. "Fang..."

"You should keep it." Fang wasn't even trying to hide her wantonness as she began freely stroking the skin along Lightning's neck. "Consider it a friendship necklace."

The chill spread across her body once again and Lightning licked her lips unconsciously as her eyes fell on Fang's own lips. Fang seemed to notice and a subtle wolfish grin spread across her face. A long silence followed as the two simply watched each other. Fang's eyes slowly drifted down to where her fingers lightly caressed Lightning's skin and she bit her lip in temptation. Very subtly Lightning craned her neck, just enough to allow Fang her feather light touches.

The silence between them was palpable, but neither of them broke the silence. Fang was the first to move. She moved forward with a short hesitation, but when Lightning didn't move away, she continued. Her lips were so close to the skin on Lightning's neck that the heat of her breath tickled Lightning and made muscles in her stomach tense with anticipation. After what felt like an eternity, Fang's soft, warm lips met the expanse of exposed flesh.

Lightning gasped with satisfaction at the tantalizing warmth, and the light sound encouraged Fang farther. The light kiss turned into a hot open mouthed kiss and she took her time as she was peppering Lightning's neck with more of the same. She let her teeth graze her flesh and felt Lightning shudder slightly, causing her to grin against her neck. It was clear they were both enjoying the sensations. Fang nuzzled in closer, placing her hands firmly on Lightning's hips and holding her body close to her own. She slowly let her kisses travel up Lighting's neck until she took one earlobe lightly between her teeth. Lightning didn't push her away, instead she tentatively grasped Fang's biceps, making sure Fang wouldn't leave the job half finished.

Fang eventually relented and crossed to Lightning's jaw, as Lightning tried to control her shaking breath. Fang pulled back for just a second, searching Lightning's eyes for permission as she licked her lips. She didn't have to wait long. Lightning leaned in and their lips met. Tentatively at first, but soon the kisses grew deeper, and more desperate. Lightning's brow furrowed at the intense sensation and her hands started to wander. Her hands had found their way up under the hem of Fang's shirt, feeling the strong muscles that lay just under her taut warm skin. Lightning's entire body flushed with heat.

* * *

"What's this?"

Lightning's eyes shot open and her body tensed at the voice. She had been pulled from her memory so quickly that she could still feel the heat in her cheeks and the hammering of her heart in her chest. She took a few calming breaths before she turned her attention to Serah who had joined her on the couch while she'd been lost in her thoughts of past lives.

Serah had a piece of paper in her hands and a confused look on her face as she read over it. "She said she would meet me by the ocean after the war. She let me live. She couldn't do it. Lightning had committed treason for me..." Serah cocked her head to the side. "What?"

Lightning started and grabbed the paper from Serah shoving it in the box before moving the box off the couch and onto the floor away from Serah. "You can't read those."

Serah looked confused. "Why not? What are they?"

"Doctor-patient confidentiality..." Lightning said. For a brief moment she thought about telling Serah just what had happened that day but thought better of it. So much had happened, she had barely had time to digest it herself. She didn't need to tell Serah anything when she didn't really understand it herself.

"Oh." Serah made a face and leaned over the couch in order to glance at the large cardboard box on the floor, unsure of just what she had gotten a glimpse of. She glanced back to her sister who was rubbing at her temple lightly as she sighed. "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

"No... I was just... thinking."

"About?" Serah asked as she pulled the small throw blanket off the back of the couch and nestled herself under the blanket and moved onto the centre of the couch where the box had just been.

"Work." Lightning semi-lied as she furrowed her brow.

Serah sighed, "Of course you were... You know, you should really take some time for yourself. Maybe get out more..."

Serah leaned against her sister and Lightning let her. Something only Serah could get away with...  _no._  Lightning thought.  _Fang would get away with it too._  She let out an amused puff of air at the thought.

Serah squirmed a little bit as she made herself comfortable, eventually settling down as she found a cozy position against her sister's side. She closed her eyes and relaxed before she furrowed her brow slightly. "You smell nice."

Lightning knitted her brow together as she eyed her sister, looking for any sign that Serah was triggered by the smell too. But after a moment she realized it was just a compliment and relaxed. "New sweater." Lightning said.

"I like it."

"Yeah. Me too."

 


	14. Chapter 14

"Doctor Farron? What are you doing here? I thought you were off." Miss. Read sipped at her coffee and raised one fine eyebrow as she leaned against the open doorway to Lightning's office.

"I am. I won't be here long. I just needed to go over a few things and speak with Fang about her on sight therapy before the board discharges her."

"Mmm." Miss. Read said with a slight nod before pursing her lips in thought. "About that..." Lightning could hear the tone shift in Miss. Read's voice. "I know it's not my place but are you sure she's ready to be discharged? She was only admitted a week ago and we've had her on suicide watch the moment she stepped in the door."

Lightning paused slightly before taking off her jacket and hanging it over the back of her chair. "I know it seems fast, but..." Lightning sighed slightly, unsure of how to reassure the concerned tech without revealing all that had happened in the last 24 hours. " Trust in my judgement. I promise it's what's best for her."

Miss. Read furrowed her brow slightly and despite the fact that it was clear she still held her reservations about her decision, Lightning had to admire her for her genuine concern for someone she barely knew.

"She'll be fine, Read. A lot has happened since she first got here."

"It's just..." Miss. Read paused unsure how to broach the subject. "She thinks she knows you... Loves you even..."

Lightning sucked her lips for a second, "Do you regret your role in helping her get me as her doctor?"

"No... It's... " Miss. Read paused and sucked her lips. "Maybe." She admitted and avoided Lightning's eyes as she stared at her coffee cup with slight disapproval. "I have faith in your abilities. It's just... " She sighed. "I thought she would respond well to you, and I wonder now if maybe all it's done is helped fuel her delusions... I've never seen a patient turn around that fast. I don't think she understands that her memories are false... She's hopeful, now... but she's going to get burned."

Lightning nodded to show she understood her concern. She had thought the same thing. Even when she realized that Fang's memories were real, she was certain that she would end up hurting Fang in the end when she couldn't be what Fang needed her to be.

She couldn't fault Miss. Read's intuition and she wanted more than anything to simply tell the woman that Fang was fine, that there wasn't actually anything wrong with her, but she knew she couldn't. If she started telling people that she and Fang really did know each other from past lives, she'd be out of a job. No one would believe such a wild claim, and when it came to light that she had crossed the line with her patient it wouldn't matter what proof she could possibly provide, she would be branded as an unprofessional deviant who took advantage of a patient's delusions for her own perverse agenda. "I wish I could tell you more, Read... but just know a lot has changed..."

"Yeah... I get it. Doctor/patient confidentiality..." She sighed and licked her lips, bringing her gaze up to meet Lightning's. "I trust you."

Lightning gave the tech a small smile, hoping it would help ease her concerns. "Speaking of Fang, do you think you could send her my way?"

"Yeah, I was headed that way anyway."

"Thank you." Lightning feigned a professional smile as Miss. Read left and let a sigh escape after the woman had rounded the corner. Lightning didn't care for lying, especially to someone who had nothing but good intentions, but the situation called for discretion. There was no scenario she could imagine where her and Fang would come out on top. Even if they did happen to somehow believe them, they would be subjecting themselves to a life full of tests and scrutiny. The best she could hope for was to simply keep it quite and enjoy another full life with Fang. As curious as she was about the entire strange phenomena, Lightning could easily admit that if she had to choose between knowing, and a quite life with Fang... well, there really was no competition. Fang and her had found each other in every timeline, every life, every reality... She knew what she would be missing. She wouldn't pass on another opportunity to experience it all again.

* * *

"Mmm... Did you lock the door?"

"Mm." Fang moaned a confirmation, never lifting her lips from Lightning's neck, enjoying the familiar taste of Lightning's skin after years of yearning.

The confirmation was all Lightning needed in order to relax and redirect her attention to the woman atop her again. Even though they're relationship had just started, a part of Lightning felt like they were simply continuing an infinitely long relationship. It had all the passion and excitement of a budding relationship but the comfort and trust of one in it's twilight. It was familiar and yet nothing like anything she'd ever experienced.

Almost the second Fang had entered her office the two embraced. Not even twenty-four hours had passed since Lightning's flood gates had given way to her myriad of memories, and yet she felt completely comfortable in Fang's arms already. The two moved in unison to the chaise chair, kissing and caressing each other, intent on taking in as much of the other as they could in the short time they would have. Fang laid Lightning out on the chaise, eager to show Lightning just how much she had missed her. Fang had settled over Lightning's body and brought herself against the warmth of Lightning's body and continued to kiss her and hold her.

The two were becoming reacquainted with one another. It was deja vu in the most surreal sense of the word and neither of them could get enough. They held each other close as they took each other in. They shared their warmth and soft moans and even softer giggles. It was a pure experience of reconnecting, the interaction itself was almost non-sexual... They simply wanted- needed to touch one another, to feel the comfort and sense of fullness that they had been missing all their lives.

It was strange how quickly they became in tune with each other again. Fang would bite Lightning playfully on the jaw, something she knew from her many past experiences that caused Lightning's toes to curl, and in return, Lightning would thread her fingers through Fang's wild hair. Small acts that were remnants of times long past and expressions of love that that were never quite forgotten.

Lightning had been certain all her life that she would never find someone she would truly feel at ease with and yet, feeling Fang's body so close to hers; her weight on hers, her lips on her skin, her smooth voice in her ear, it all felt right. As if Etro had woven their souls together in the unseen realm before breathing her life into them.

Lightning shivered and arched her neck back as Fang trailed soft kisses along the exposed skin. Her skin prickled at the touch. The feeling left her body humming. With her fingers still threaded into Fang hair, Lightning gingerly guided Fang's cheek to hers and nuzzled herself softly against Fang's temple.

"I missed you, Light..." There was a slight crack in Fang's voice and she immediately pressed her temple more firmly against Lightning's. Fang hadn't felt whole in years. She'd been lonely, and unsure of her own sanity for so long it had driven her to near suicide, and now, with Lightning finally in her arms, Fang was finally feeling a sense of relief she didn't know existed. Throughout her life, she had come to see her pain as a constant. It was so ingrained into her that it was hard to let go of it, but she knew something better was on the horizon. She had seen it, remembered it, felt it. The hole she'd felt in her heart was mending and she finally felt the validation after all the doubt she'd experienced. She held Lightning tighter.

"I'm sorry..." Lightning held Fang close. It was all she could do. There was no amount of apologizing she could do to make up for the pain her absence had put Fang through. She could only imagine now what it would be like to know this love and not have it. The simple thought of it made her heart ache and she felt guilt knotting her stomach knowing that she'd been that source of pain for Fang. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry."

"You stop apologizing. Y' hear me? You've got nothin' to apologize for..." Fang pressed a kiss to Lightning's temple.

"It's just-"

"It's just nothin', Light. You're here now. That's all that matters." Fang pulled back a short distance to look Lightning in the eye and she could still see the apology in Lightning's guilt ridden gaze. She knew Lightning well enough to know that she wouldn't forgive herself anytime soon. Lightning was quick to blame herself for things that were out of her control. The woman was so used to managing the world around her that when something came along that she couldn't make fall in line, she would dwell on how she might have done things differently if she could do it all again. Fang sighed and ran a thumb along Lightning's cheek. "You just being here is all I've wanted."

Lightning knitted her brows and frowned. She wanted to let Fang's words sooth her guilt but she wasn't one for affirmations. She closed her eyes and moved her head slightly to the side and into Fang's hand. There was still so much she wanted to apologize for but she knew Fang wouldn't hear of it and so she dropped it, and instead focused on the strangely nostalgic feeling of having Fang so close to her. She breathed in deeply and let the smell of Earthy wildflowers overwhelm her. She felt herself relax as she let her fingers play at Fang's soft hair. She could feel a numbness start to permeate her body and tingle though her fingers as she fell into a memory.

* * *

"Shhhh!" Lightning scolded Fang as Fang tripped over a pair of shoes in the entryway. "Quiet!"

"It's not my fault! I can't see!" Fang defended herself in a hushed tone.

The lights were off in the Farron home as the two drunk girls stumbled their way inside, well after Lightning's curfew. The house was quiet and any sound, however small, seemed amplified in the dark, still home. The two tried to be as stealthy as they could in their clumsy state, but their efforts weren't well rewarded. Each time one would trip or knock into something in the dark the other would have to stifle a laugh at their expense.

After Fang had ran into the kitchen table, Lightning took her hand in order to guide them. Even though Lightning new the familiar home, it was still the blind leading the blind as she tried to find her way without turning on the lights and waking her family.

Eventually Lightning felt the soft material of the large couch bump against her free hand. She paused for a second and ran her hand along the length to determine where she was in relation to it before she pulled on Fang's wrist and quickly collapsed onto the couch, pulling Fang down on top of her. Without a word, their mouths were on each other's in heated kisses. They had been flirting and teasing each other all night and they had finally reached their tipping point. Their teenage hormones got the better of them and the two indulged themselves in clumsy drunk kisses until the dark room they were in was suddenly illuminated in a bright white light.

"Not the most stealthy, Claire."

With a start, Lightning hastily pushed Fang off of her and the Pulsian hit the hard ground with a groan.

"What's going on here?" Lightning's father stood at the end of the couch with his arms crossed, waiting for an explanation.

Lightning felt her heart beating in her chest and winced. "Dad... It's... um." Lightning sat up on the couch and winced again seeing Fang pull herself up off the floor, rubbing her head where it had hit the coffee table on her way down.

"Who's this?" Mr. Farron's voice became a little sterner as he regarded the two drunk teenagers.

Lightning sucked her lips for a second and looked up at her father, feeling her head spin slightly. "This is... my friend, Fang..."

"Friend, huh?" He lifted an eyebrow at his daughter and Lightning felt her chest tighten with guilt. She knew that he had seen what they had been up to, but she wasn't willing to concede just yet. Her father ran his tongue over his teeth in thought. "You're past your curfew..."

"I know... We... we were running a little late." Lightning said and avoided her father's tight gaze.

Mr. Farron shook his head in disappointment.

"It's not her fault. I kept her out. I'm sorry."

Mr. Farron turned his gaze on Fang and frowned. "Are you also responsible for getting her drunk?"

Fang winced and Mr. Farron shook his head again. "I think you'd better leave."

Fang looked back to Lightning who only gave a small nod as if to tell her it was okay before Fang lowered her head and nodded. Mr. Farron waited silently as Fang left and Lightning sat on the couch, dreading what was to come.

Her father paced back and forth in silence, letting Lightning's mind race with anticipation and fear. She'd never broken curfew before, never come home drunk before, and had never been caught bringing someone home with her before. Now she had managed to do all three in one night. She could feel the guilt in her throat as she watched her father pacing, and waited for the onslaught she was sure to follow.

Finally he stopped and breathed in deeply before turning to look at his guilt ridden daughter. He stared at her a moment longer and furrowed his brow in thought. Finally her sighed and his face softened. Silently he sat next to her on the couch, and like her, took to looking at his hands.

"I wish you wouldn't lie to me, Claire... I know what it's like to be a teenager, believe it or not... I can forgive the occasional broken curfew, even the occasional drink... but I just want you to be  _honest_ with me..."

Lightning knitted her brows together. "I didn't lie to you..."

"The next time you plan to go out and party... you tell me."

"The party wasn't really planned..." Lightning corrected.

"Well, next time you call and let me know. I need to know where you are, understand? I hate worrying..."

"Dad... you don't need to worry about me." Lightning said and glanced up at her frowning father who still sat staring at his hands.

"Well, I do..." He sucked his lips and looked up at the fireplace mantel to the picture that sat above it. "I promised your mom I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

Lightning fallowed his gaze to the picture of her late mother and looked away guiltily. "I'm sorry... It won't happen again."

Her father took a moment and sighed before turning to look at Lightning, a small smile forming on his lips. "So... your  _friend,_ Claire?" Her father gave a slight jab to her side with his elbow before chuckling softly. Lightning felt her cheeks flush.

* * *

Lightning groaned and placed a hand to her throbbing temple, becoming all too familiar with the headaches her memories brought on. "How long was I out?"

"Not long... couple minutes." Fang said quietly as she brushed a strand of hair out of Lightning's face.

Lightning kept her eyes closed and sighed as she felt Fang, now next to her, begin to gently stroke her cheek with her thumb.

"What was it about?"

Lightning let out an amused puff of air. "We were coming home from a party...  _drunk_... and my dad... My dad caught us." Lightning knitted her brows and opened her eyes in slight realization. "Funny... I... I had kind of forgotten what he looked like..."

Fang furrowed her own brow in sympathy. Even she could remember Lightning's father. The image of his almost silver hair and strong narrow jaw was something she couldn't easily forget. He'd always had an intimidating look about him that could melt away in an instant the moment he smiled, just like Lightning. Lightning even had his steely blue eyes, how Lightning didn't see her father every time she looked in the mirror surprised Fang.

"How old were you when he died?" Fang asked.

"Ten? I think?" Lightning stared up at the ceiling taking comfort in the feeling of having Fang so close to her.

Fang frowned. She could recall Lightning's parents easily. Fang's lifetimes of memories were filled with moments of the Farron family, just as they were filled with moments of her own parents. Even though they were gone they were still there in Fang's mind. She'd gotten used to having them, to knowing her family through her other lifetimes. Lightning didn't have that. Not until now. Fang was so used to it she couldn't imagine forgetting her own fathers face. She knew she would one day when her mind began to fail, but so young?

Fang stroked Lightning's cheek and placed a kiss to her temple. In a lot of ways the memories had been a curse for Fang. A constant reminder of what she didn't have and what she longed for. A constant reminder of painful ways she could lose the people she cared about. But there were times that those memories brought her solace. When all she needed was a familiar face, or a happy memory, all she had to do was close her eye and she had a nearly infinite source of memories waiting in the back of her mind.

Lightning continued to frown at the ceiling. "I've never known him that old before." The more she thought back on her father, the more she remembered of him: times where he had handed her off on her wedding day, walking with him through the park in his old age, or arguing politics with him at the kitchen table. Even though his face changed and aged throughout his lives into someone Lightning had never actually seen, Lightning still felt the familial bond. "Surreal..."

"Yeah... it's not all bad, though... Even though  _you_  didn't get to experience it first hand, you'll still get to enjoy the memories... and there are a lot of memories." Fang smiled.

"I can't believe you lived your whole life like this..."

"That stuffs easy," Fang, chuckling softly. "Just wait until you're trying to sleep and start thinking about all the embarrassing moments."

At the mere suggestion of embarrassing moments, flashes of memories seemed to appear before her eyes and Lightning felt her cheeks flush. She was surprised she could have forgotten them at all, time and space be damned. In an instant she could recall herself, naked, bent over the back of her own couch with Fang behind her. Fang's hands were grasped firmly onto Lightning's hips as she pushed her pelvis flush against Lightning's backside over and over again, pushing the toy she had harnessed to her hips deep into Lightning. That in itself didn't embarrass her, but when her mother walked in and caught them...

Lightning groaned inward to herself, turning her head and burying it into Fang's patient scrubs.

"What are you remembering now?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

* * *

Lightning couldn't stay the whole day with Fang or she would risk the suspicion of her coworkers, so after her short visit with Fang, she instructed her to keep herself busy over the weekend. After parting ways, Lightning made her way to talk to the board about Fang's discharge while Fang went about busying herself.

"Read!" Fang called out and jogged up to the busy tech, as she walked down the corridor doing her checks on the patients in the ward.

"Keep it down, Fang."

"Sorry." Fang grinned and Miss. Read raised a questioning brow.

"What can I help you with?"

"I was wonderin' how to get into one of those art groups?"

"Trying to earn some points so the board will discharge you?" Miss. Read raised a curious brow.

"Actually, I was hoping to draw something... though I won't say no to the extra push with the board."

Miss. Read smiled and shook her head before motioning down the hall. "If you hurry you can catch the next class. End of the East wing on your right. Just give your name to the assigned tech."

Fang nodded her thanks and made her way down to the East wing, ignoring the sounds of someone waling from their room. When she had first arrived at the hospital, the distressed sounds around her had bothered her more than anything else there. She had felt out of place but now she was certain it was just a matter of time before she would be released. Now the horrible waling was no more than background noise to her. Everything was just temporary and soon she would get to start her life over, with Lightning by her side.

Fang slipped into the class that was already in session.


	15. Chapter 15

Sitting on her hard bed the next morning, Fang pursed her lips and tilted her head to the side scrutinizing her latest piece of work. She held it flat against her copy of  _Call of Wolves_  and lamented that she no longer had access to a pencil. She was mostly happy with it. The faces were accurate, the shadows were striking, and the composition was pleasing, but she was still unsure if she had used the right frame of reference. If anything needed to be changed than she wouldn't be able to fix it until she was discharged.

On the paper was an impressive black and white likeness of the Farron family. Mr. and Mrs. Farron stood side by side, with small content looks on their faces, each with a hand resting on one of their daughters' shoulders.

When Lightning had mentioned that she had nearly forgotten what her father looked like, Fang had taken it upon herself to recreate his likeness for her. The only problem was, Mr. Farron liked to experiment with his beard. Sometimes he had it shaved clean, other times he sported a stylishly cropped short beard. There were even times where his beard was down to his chest, and there was no way for Fang to confirm what Lightning was most familiar with. In the end she had settled on a nicely cropped beard. Enough to show off his strong jaw, but still show his love of a good beard.

Mrs. Farron was an easier subject. The woman had almost always had her hair tied up in a loose bun. She had warm eyes, the same eyes Serah had inherited, and her smile was always soft and sincere like Lightning's. There was no mistaking who Lightning's and Serah's parents were. They had the Farron look about them.

Fang grinned slightly at the thought of the Farron family. She didn't always get along with Mr. Farron. The man could be pretty protective of his daughters and there were times he saw Fang as nothing but bad news. He wasn't necessarily always wrong in that presumption either, though, if Mrs. Farron was still around she could always be counted on to extend the olive branch. Then there was Serah. The "sweeter" younger sister. Fang almost laughed at the thought. Serah was good at acting the sweet little girl, but she had the Farron ire in her. She could flip it on like a switch. At least with Lightning there were no big surprises; she would give you a good warning glare before she bit. Serah, on the other hand could go from sweet school girl to fire demon at the drop of a hat.

Before long Fang's smile began to fade as she realized she'd never get to meet the entire family in this lifetime. Serah was all Lightning had left. Suddenly Fang's stomach began to churn. Perhaps creating a reminder of that for Lightning wasn't the idea she had first thought it was. Lightning wasn't always fond of sentimental things that reminded her of heartache. She often times would cast out reminders of those she had lost in order to live on untethered by feelings of regret or remorse.

Fang let her head roll back against the wall with a soft thud as she second guessed herself but she didn't have long to think over her possible mistake before there was a quick rapping on her metal door. Glancing up, Fang saw the focus of her dilemma in the small window. She quickly placed the sketch under her book and placed it onto her bed as Lightning let herself into the room.

"Hey, Light. You come here often?" Fang grinned and Lightning cocked an eyebrow.

"Are you trying to hit on me?"

"Would you blame me if I was?"

"No... but I'd tell you to do a better job at it. I know you have a better arsenal of pick up lines than that." Lightning tried not to smile.

Fang's grin grew and Lightning shook her head.

"I can't stay long, Fang. visiting you everyday is beginning to look suspicious."

"And yet here you are."

Lightning let an amused puff of air pass her lips. "Yeah... But I'll be leaving shortly. You keep yourself busy yesterday?"

"Mmm" Fang confirmed, "Vanille came by in the evening... We talked... played that shitty tile game in the common room."

Lightning furrowed her brow slightly, "Dominoes?"

"Yeah, that one."

"And you lost." Lightning guessed.

"...What makes you say that?"

"You called it shitty."

Fang grinned and shook her head, letting out a small laugh. Of course Lightning knew how to read her every word. She gave Lightning an amused smile, though Lightning saw the smile for what it truly was; awe. Lightning felt her heart skip a beat and wondered how she'd ever thought she wouldn't be able to fall for Fang. There were barriers that came with being Fang's doctor, sure, but that smile would have shattered Lightning in any reality, near infinite memories or not.

"So, how'd it go with the board?" Fang asked and brought Lightning's attention back to the reason why she was there.

Lightning smiled and sat next to Fang on the bed. "Good." She paused and Fang could see her trying to hold back her excitement. "They're preparing to discharge you tomorrow morning."

Fang felt a jolt of excitement run through her at Lightning's words, but before Fang got too excited, Lightning added,

"Just stay out of trouble until then. Nothing stupid."

Fang raised a brow, "Everyone keeps telling me to behave. Do I have 'trouble' written across my forehead?" She smiled and rubbed at her forehead, pretending to wipe the word away and Lightning gently shook her head.

"I'm serious, Fang. They're going to be watching you. The last thing they want is to make the wrong decision. They don't want to get it wrong and learn you've taken your own life right after they let you go..."

Fang nodded, trying to keep her excitement in check. "I'll be on my best behaviour, Light. Promise."

A small but genuine smile crossed Lightning's face. "Good... because we have a lot of catching up to do."

Fang let out a contented chuckle. Lightning's choice of words didn't go unnoticed by her. The use of "catching up", seemed apt. Their souls already knew each other. They just needed to make up for lost time.

Fang grinned and stretched out her body to relieve herself of the excited energy her body was itching to expel, and let out a relieved sigh she hadn't realized she was holding. She was ready to leave. She was ready to "catch up" with Lightning. Away from prying eyes. A place where they could relax and indulge themselves in each other. The idea gave Fang a sense of solace she wasn't sure she'd ever experienced in her life.

Lightning watched fondly as Fang stretched out her long body before noticing the book to Fang's side.  _Call of Wolves._ One of Lightning's favourite books and the same edition Fang had been looking at when she'd first met her in her office. Lightning smiled at the sight of it, instinctively knowing why Fang owned a copy. It was subtly touching that something as simple as a book would catch Fang's attention and Lightning had to wonder what other objects Fang had surrounded herself with in order to feel some connection to her.

Lightning studied the hardcover book before noticing the corner of a loose paper sticking out from under the thick novel. She had thought she'd seen Fang hastily put something out of sight when she'd first come into the room, but hadn't thought much of it and instead focused her attention on Fang. But now she was curious and knitted her brow slightly at the obvious attempt to hide something from her. If Fang had been anyone else she might have ignored it, but given their unique circumstances, she knew she could confront Fang on anything and come out better for it.

"What're you hiding there?"

Fang cocked a brow and followed Lightning's line of sight to the book at her side. She felt a small sinking feeling in her stomach at the bit of paper peaking out from under it. She was hoping to have more time to consider her options. Lightning could be a fickle woman. Sometimes a sentimental gift was perfect, and other times it was just a cruel reminder.

"It's... nothing." Fang lied, knowing Lightning would see right through her.

Lightning cocked a brow and the simple gesture was enough to prove that Fang had been right, though it didn't take a psychiatrist to see through such a blatant lie.

Fang gave a tense sigh and pulled the paper out from under the book and looked it over before biting the bullet and handing it to Lightning. "You said you'd forgotten your father's face..."

Lightning furrowed her brow as she took the piece of paper from Fang's hand. She already knew what it would be before she even tore her eyes from Fang's hesitant ones to the page. She swallowed the small lump that had already formed in her throat before she managed to look at the picture in her hand. The breath caught in Lightning's throat at the sight of her family. Slightly older than she'd ever known them, but familiar all the same.

It had been years since Lightning had even dared open one of her photo albums. The pain always seemed to come back with an unrelenting force, and regret always seemed to follow closely after. The only time she ever saw a photo of her parents, was if she happened to glance at the photo Serah kept on her bedside table, and even that she tended to avoid.

She bit her lip and gently traced her fingers along the nearly forgotten faces of her parents. She bit back the pain in her chest and swallowed expecting the regret to well up in her throat at any second, but as the seconds ticked by, the regret never came.

"I hope I didn't overstep." Fang said, seeing the turmoil that the image brought about in Lightning's features.

Lightning shook her head and bit her lip. "You didn't overstep..." Lightning never tore her eyes away from the portrait in her hands, letting herself take in all the details. There was something different about the picture that she didn't get from her photos... Her photos were reminders of her past, of something she couldn't change. They were charged, visceral and real. But the penciled picture in her hands was different, like a reminder of all the lives she's had and all that she would have again. It was steeped in a bittersweet warmth. She felt the threat of tears prickle at the edges of her eyes and finally tore her gaze away, redirecting it at the ceiling in an attempt to still the lachrymose aching in her chest. She took a moment to strengthen her composure before she finally sighed and the smallest smile graced her lips.

"Thank you, Fang." It was a sincere thank you. Fang had given her a gift. Not one that was simply physical. Fang brought with her all the memories of her family too. It was strange to Lightning to think that the memories could help her find healing. She had never properly grieved. She never did. She always had to remain strong for Serah and would cut herself off from those feelings. She only had so many memories of her parents, and knowing that was all she would ever have of them was too much to bare, but now, now she had an almost infinite trove of memories to pour over.

Lightning was starting to understand what Fang meant when she had said that it wasn't necessarily a bad thing to have all those memories. Despite the fact that some were painful, they were still beautiful memories, and she had Fang to thank for bringing them back to her.

* * *

"You're last day, huh?" Vanille gave an impressed whistle. "It's like you're graduating!"

"I'm not graduating, Van... Besides, it's not  _really_  my last day. I agreed to on sight therapy a couple times a week."

Vanille hummed for a second and leaned her head against Fang's shoulder. She glanced around the common room to make sure no one was within ear shot before she spoke again. "Ah... right. On sight  _therapy_." Vanille giggled and made quotation marks with her fingers. "Yes, I'm sure that you will have many, many  _therapy_  sessions with the beautiful doctor Farron."

Fang chuckled and shook her head. "Hey, Light said it would help put the board at ease... And I'm not apposed to spending more time with her..."

Vanille elbowed Fang's side lightly. "She's just as bad as you, isn't she?"

"Hardly. Somehow I doubt she'd let it go quite  _that_  far in her office... but I can't say I'm not curious to test it."

"You know... I'm actually surprised that you haven't uh... well... considering the way she greeted you the other day. I kind of figured..." Vanille trailed off, letting the almost question hang in the air.

"I do have  _some_ self control."

"Mmhmm." Vanille agreed with tight lips proving just how much she truly agreed with Fang's statement.

"Van... I want to do this right. I'm not gonna jump her in her office..." Fang paused and thought for a second before continuing "... yet."

Vanille rolled her eyes before shaking her head. She was happy for Fang, but she wasn't so sure she wanted to envision Fang doing dirty things to her doctor.

She decided they needed a change of topic.

"You need me to pick you up tomorrow?"

"Yeah, if you could?"

"Mmhmm! Just give me a call and I'll be here."

"Thanks, Van. I can't wait to get out of this place. It's depressing as all hell." Fang frowned and glanced around the room at all the other patients. The room was almost strangely quiet. People were either too busy watching the TV in the corner or playing games in an awkward silence with one another.

"They look sad." Vanille said, her smile fading as her eyes went around the room to each of the sullen faces that populated it.

"That's because they are." Fang said and sighed.

Vanille bit her lip. She hated seeing so many people who looked down. After a second a thought occurred to her. "We should play a game with them!"

"What?" Fang made a face, already apprehensive of the idea.

"They need to have some fun, Fang. Look at how bored they are... Come on!" Vanille quickly shot up off the small couch the two had been conversing on and began to pull on Fang's arm.

"Vanille... I don't think they're gonnna want to play games with us."

"Sure they will! Watch." Vanille pulled Fang to her feet and made her way over to a large empty round table. "Would anyone like to play Old Maid?" Vanille asked with excitement in her voice.

She wasn't loud, but in such a quiet room, her voice demanded attention. She caught the attention of most of the people but only a handful of people actually got up from their spots and made their way to the table. Fang recognized a few from her week long stay. The girl she had met on her first day, with the bandaged wrists, had been the first to launch herself at the idea. A daughter visiting from town also encouraged her elderly father to join in the game instead of watching the TV in silence. A few other patients stood up once they realized that others were joining in. It wasn't a large group but it would do.

Vanille grinned and grabbed a stack of cards and pulled out three of the queens, leaving the deck with an uneven amount of cards and began dealing to those who sat at the table. She was excited to bring some form of happiness to people. Fang shook her head in amusement and took a chair next to Vanille.

It didn't take long for the game to take off. Fang was actually quite surprised how much spirits lifted and how much laughter their was whenever someone would get stuck with the "Old Maid" card. Everyone knew who had it at all times from the giggling that would occur whenever someone accidentally drew it from another's hand. The first round, the elderly father was named the old maid and some of the patients rolled with laughter causing others in the room to look their way curiously. With each round, they seemed to find themselves with more and more people until they couldn't fit any more at the table and would have to take turns each round. Even one of the techs on duty joined in for a round when urged by one of the younger patients.

Vanille bit her lip as Fang went to pull a card from her hand. They were the only ones left in the round. If Fang pulled the Old Maid from her hand, Vanille would still have a chance, but if she managed to take the ace, Vanille would be named the Old Maid. She tried not to let her face betray her as everyone watched and waited but Fang could read her like a book and easily plucked the ace from her hand. Vanille threw her head back and covered her face with her hands and fell back into her chair. "Noooooo."

"Now who's the old broad?" The elderly man chuckled and started gathering up the cards for another round.

It was a strange moment. Fang found herself getting caught up in the fun. She was laughing along with them and for a moment, the fact that they were patients slipped her mind. They were suddenly just people. A strange guilt passed over her. In her mind she had managed to separated herself from those around her. When she finally knew for certain that she wasn't delusional, she kept telling herself that she didn't need to be there. It had reinforced in her the idea that they all needed to be there but somehow she was different. But the truth was, she had needed to be there too, and they were just like her. They were all there for one reason or another, but they were all still just people.

She glanced around the table and all she saw were people like her, simply having a good friendly game of cards. She glanced to Vanille who was still laughing about being the Old Maid and felt herself chuckle. Vanille was able to bring about a moment of happiness in so many people from different walks of life that Fang was genuinely in awe of her. Again she felt a pang of guilt for never having given Vanille the credit she deserved. If it hadn't been for Vanille, who knows where Fang might have ended up. She was her support her entire life, and yet Fang had ignored Vanille for much of it. It wasn't until now, when she was already happy that she truly saw the gift Vanille was to those around her. Sure, her effect didn't work on everyone. There were still a handful of people who either wanted nothing to do with the large group laughing about old maids, and maybe a few who wanted to join but were still too apprehensive.

Fang shook her head. She had had Vanille all along and had somehow still convinced herself that she had no one. "You're a gift, Vanille." Fang said with a slight smile, poking the smaller, laughing girl in the forehead.

* * *

Yellow, orange, and red painted the skies vibrantly as the sun eased its way below the horizon. The clouds, once silver, now dotted the evening skies with indigo. The light winds pushing them leisurely across the sunset.

Lightning sighed. A comfortable ease throughout her body as she sat and watched the colours shift and dance. The world around her was silent and time seemed to stand still. She watched and waited as the sun continued to hang defiantly on the horizon.

The cool breeze tickled at her bare toes but she was warm, wrapped in Fang's hooded sweatshirt. The light winds played at her hair and pushed it about her face, bringing with it the scent of wild flowers from her sweatshirt. Lightning breathed it in, letting the scent excite her with possibilities. It brought with it lifetimes of stories and Lightning couldn't help but wonder how her own would play out.

Lightning heard the screen door slide open and Serah's voice broke the silence. "Lightning?"

"Up here, Serah." Lightning called back and heard a groan in response.

"Why the roof? Why is it always the roof? Why can't you use the patio furniture like a normal person?"

Lightning smiled softly in response as she heard Serah pull a chair up to the edge of the railing that lined the deck. A second later a small brown paper bag was tossed up onto the roof and Serah's head poked up after. She pushed hard off the railing and pulled herself up clumsily onto the roof. Despite her less than graceful ascent, Lightning had to admit Serah had gotten better at it, though she was certain she would still have to help her down from the roof later.

Serah groaned and managed to get onto her feet, steadying herself with her hands on the elevated roof in front of her. She picked up the bag and crawled her way up the roof and sat next to her sister.

"I brought home Moogle Noodle. They were out of peanut cookies, so you'll have to settle for flan dessert."

Lightning smiled and took the small noodle box that Serah offered her from the paper bag and cracked open the lid, taking in the scent of soy sauce and steamed vegetables. "Thank you."

"You haven't eaten yet, have you?" Serah asked as she dug out the flan desserts and placed them in between her and her sister before digging back in for her own noodle box and the utensils.

"No... This is perfect." Lightning took the offered utensils from her sister and began to eat as she continued to watch the sun. She was beginning to wonder if it was moving at all.

Serah popped open the top of her own noodle box and picked the pieces of broccoli off the top before dropping them into Lightning's noodle box, knowing her sister wouldn't mind the burden of the extra vegetables. "So how come you're up here?" She asked as she stirred her noodles, looking for any bits of broccoli that may have gone into hiding during the initial purge.

Lightning smiled and shook her head slightly before shrugging. "Just... waiting for tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I take forever to update, and that I don't get back to everyone, but I wanted to leave this quick thank you here to all of you who read and comment as you guys are the reason I even continue to update at all. So thank you. If it weren't for you guys I don't know that I'd have the motivation to keep slogging away at this story!


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